Couples who live separately so they get additional financial support

[slimline]

A couple I know got married over a year ago, yet they still live separately. She has two children from a previous relationship and lives in a 3 bed house. He lives in a 2 bed house and has no children. I mention the size of their homes because it’s clear that there is ample space for the entire family to live under one roof. I can’t think of any other reason for their separate living arrangements (considering they have made a commitment to each other through marriage) aside from financial security, as her eldest child has SEN and she doesn’t work. He is working, which I assume could complicate things if he were to move in. Yes, I understand it’s legal, but I can’t help but think they’re taking advantage of the system in some way. This isn't the first time I've heard of couples or families living apart in order to increase their income. I’m ready to be accused of benefit bashing or called all the names under the sun. Don’t care sorry!

They did live apart though. It’s weird. One was for unpaid council tax but one was to do with kids and benefits for them. Someone grassed them up with that one, definitely.

Perhaps she is looking for work, but is unable to find anything that fits round her DC. Undoubtedly, it would be too distressing for the SEN child to go to afterschool club.

As long as the man does actually live in his separate house then I think this is fine. A good idea really, as I’m not a fan of people moving unrelated adults into their children’s homes.

What is obviously not fair is when the man does actually live with the woman and the kids, refuses to share any of his money with the woman (often she’s at home with the kids) and tells her to claim benefits as though he wasn’t there. Pretends to live with his parents or similar, and is just visiting.

The woman is the one who then lies on the claim form and gets done for benefit fraud, but in fact all the benefit is for the man.

And yes it generally it is the man telling her to do it, because he refuses to share.

These threads always make me realise how much time people spend judging other people’s business

That was the case in one couple I know of. The woman ended up on the front page of the local newspaper about it. She had to go to court, got fined etc. He got away with it as technically he was not the one committing fraud because he was not claiming anything.

@slimline
When I was in my 20s, I passed exams so that I could work in a profession. I had no children at the time.
I was young and was dating a guy for a couple of years who was handsome, charming but frequently unemployed and on benefits.
He had his own flat. As did I.

I wised up and broke up with him as we were not on the same path in life.

I later met my hard-working dh.

Are you seriously suggesting that just because we were a couple for a few years I should have moved in with him to take the burden of the state???!!!!

Seriously?
If so, bog off. 😁

At what point do you think a person should become responsible for another adult in your shotgun welfare state scenario, anyway?
First date? First kiss? First s*ag?
First meeting of the parents? First trip to Tesco?

F-ing ludicrous. You are being very, very, very unreasonable and if your frankly nutty ideas took hold, I'd have been slogging my guts out to support an idle waster and probably
not had the life I have now.

Very sensible post.
Indeed I later found out the ex. I mentioned above did just that.
A mutual acquaintance told me that he'd
moved back in with his mum and that he then went onto live in with a single mum on benefits and a child with autism.

They did not and could not have declared he was there as he was claiming jsa in his own right while pretending to still live with his mother.

Great guy. @slimline would have me tethered to him, though, cause we were in a relationship. Ludicrous.

A 20-something wasting her best years to support a waster. Nice.

It could have been as simple as one of the kids moved to live with another parent

it obviously wasn’t that much otherwise they would have been arrested and charged of benefit fraud

it could have been an an overpayment due to capital that they didn’t declare

Why should couples, with children who are not shared, be forced to live together just because you feel like they’re financially better off by choosing not to do so?!

Are you five?

First hand would be living with the people concerned and knowing all of their day to day personal circumstances. So, no, you don't have first hand knowledge of that.

They've actually given you all their benefit statements and bank statements then, to give you that exact figure? Are you their personal accountant or something?

Yes, but he wouldn't have to pay his own council tax, utility bills, wifi, tv licence etc etc and if he rented his home out the mortgage would also be covered by the rental income.
I expect their arrangement is more motivated around the needs of her children, particularly the one with sen. It's none of your business. Maybe get yourself a hobby.

You know, I never read of people on MN complaining about rich people gaming the system and getting tax subsidies.

No threads about the unfairness of higher rate taxpayers getting more tax relief on their pensions etc.

It's always the poorest who are at fault, isn't it?

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, we recently married.
He has his house and I have mine. Completely separate finances. Our reason is because I have an autistic child ( now 10) and after trying to make living together work for one year, we decided it wasn’t in anyone’s interest to do so. My autistic child couldn’t manage how busy the household was, as he has two children from a previous relationship. It also wasn’t safe, my son had multiple serious meltdowns, and actually hurt one of my partners children. My son is better able to manage as he is getting older, and we hope in the future we can live together, which would save money. It’s very expensive running two separate households. Yes I work part time, so receive universal credit but we would be better off living together.
you shouldn’t judge when you don’t know peoples circumstances

YABU. The cost of running two households will likely outweigh any additional benefits. DLA is not means tested so would not be impacted if her husband were to move in.

My husband and I run two households - for many reasons which may not be apparent to the outside. It’s none of anybody’s business why we have this arrangement. It works for us. We both work in well paid jobs and do not claim any benefits. Trust me, we’d have a lot more disposable income if we only had one house. Don’t underestimate the cost of running two homes.

It happens all the time, but more often than not the second property is sub-letted.

I didn’t live with my ex husband for a few years. It worked for us until it didn’t hence the EX part lol we liked our own space a few nights a week. The situation did come about after a separation and we just never merged our homes again. You have no idea why they don’t live together.

Do you have any children with SEN?

I think they sounded it from the get go in the post!

Firstly I don't think it's any of your business if they live together re benefits etc. I think you should get out a bit more and not be having opinions on others!

with one of the ladies children being SEN it might be quite likely that her moving a new man in causes upset for both e the children and partners. Is there an abusive ex threatening to stop paying maintenance if he moves in? so many reasons why they might not live together , but it works for them.

You seem to know very little about their situation and the reasonings behind their current choices. You state they both rent they may have long tenancies on both properties where they have a commitment, strong possibility they don’t want to rush the kids in his moving in…….could be due to universal. Could be due to multiple factors, you are entitled to an opinion but your opinion is based on no knowledge just assumptions

I would think it’s more to do with her children. Maybe the one with SEN doesn’t like change! Living together would result in a very big change. Well done her for living her life as she chooses and not complying to what is considered the norm.

I can't live with any due to the Mesher Order on my house, if someone moves in then I have 6 months go buy out my ex husband which is over £100,000. It doesn't have to always be benefits based to be a financial.

Also the prospect of living with a child that has SEN maybe not what he wants in life?