Couples who live separately so they get additional financial support

[slimline]

A couple I know got married over a year ago, yet they still live separately. She has two children from a previous relationship and lives in a 3 bed house. He lives in a 2 bed house and has no children. I mention the size of their homes because it’s clear that there is ample space for the entire family to live under one roof. I can’t think of any other reason for their separate living arrangements (considering they have made a commitment to each other through marriage) aside from financial security, as her eldest child has SEN and she doesn’t work. He is working, which I assume could complicate things if he were to move in. Yes, I understand it’s legal, but I can’t help but think they’re taking advantage of the system in some way. This isn't the first time I've heard of couples or families living apart in order to increase their income. I’m ready to be accused of benefit bashing or called all the names under the sun. Don’t care sorry!

I can’t see how these arrangements are financially beneficial at all. The cost of two sets of renting/ mortgage payments, plus bills would surely cost more than any financial benefits they might get thrift claiming. There might be something else at play, such as the son having special needs, that makes it easier for the relationship if they live separately. Either way, I couldn’t care less as it must work for them or presumably they wouldn’t have this arrangement.

I can't imagine how or why anyone would be benefitting financially by running 2 separate homes, but I do always find these threads quite hilarious, when the OP always seems to know so much about the finances, income, and expenditure of any given particular person/couple/familly! 😆 I don't know the income of ANYone, even my 3 best mates. OR my 2 adult DC. I only know my DH's income.

May I suggest bingo, crown green bowling, synchronised swimming, maybe joining a walking group? Just a few hobbies you might like to take up because you sound bored @slimline 😂

You say sarcasm but is that just because you're bothered by someone else’s business and there’s nothing you can do about it?

My married friends live apart because one of their children has SEN. The needs of their son mean that living as a family unit just wasn’t manageable and was having a very detrimental effect on their marriage and the other child.

So my friend lives with one child in one house, and her husband lives in the other house with the other child.

The parents then routinely switch which house they stay in so they each get to spend periods of time with each of the children. They certainly aren’t financially better off for it (to my knowledge anyway).

Exactly hun.

I’m sorry, but it’s not that simple. You can refuse to provide financial info until compelled to by a judge - and only then when you haven’t appeared in court multiple times and a judge has had to threaten time in cells. You can refuse to sign paperwork. Or not respond to solicitor’s letters. You can forget to order bank statements or get a pension statement. You can lie, multiple times….all this at an actual cost to your ex trying to push a divorce through. I mean sure, it will happen eventually, but the financial and emotional cost can be huge. I have a friend who’s divorce was into it’s third year. It makes you very vulnerable.

Children are both theirs?

I understand why you'd be pissed off if it was for benefit gain but could it be because the disabled child doesn't want the bloke their 24/7? Or the child doesn't sleep much much and the man needs his sleep. Unless he was earning alot i don't think it would make much difference to their money. As in dla and carers aren't means tested so this doesn't make any difference and the universal credit she gets would change and probably go lower but they're have 1 lot of rent, and 1 lot of bills so this would hopefully offset it all.
People are very quick to judge. I have 4 DC and my DP moved in with me. I dont work and dont intend to, everyone believes I live off his wage which is bull. Its my house and I live off my own money, he does contribute but I don't need his money, and he doesn't need mine.

Everyone is on the make these days or do it seems. From folk on £100k plus a year whining about losing child benefit to folk maximise their benefit entitlement. I'll be voting for the party which gives ME the best deal.

It might be financial, but there are far more reasons for this than financial and that you can't see other reasons doesn't mean it doesn't exist. We can't know what they would do if the financial situation was different. People are complicated and there may be multiple factors involved. Even with the kids in school full time, with additional needs, there are a lot of potential factors to consider as well as the needs/wants/preferences of the adults.

My parents lived separately a lot when I was a kid. This was explained as a mix of my father's job involving a lot of traveling and my mother benefitting from living near her family. Sometimes this was only during the week and we'd be together on weekends, sometimes this was for months at a time. My mother didn't work for most of this (no benefits, wasn't in the UK).

When my father remarried, he lived separate from his new wife until I finished secondary school. The reasons given was their plan was to sell my father's house, move into her address and my father was concerned about my brother and I having access to our mother (he had full custody, she wanted nothing to do with us, he wanted us to have the option to try if she changed her mind), my brother and I have disabilities and they were in conflict with our needs and the new wife and their plan alongside not wanting to disrupt my education again. This was considered good parenting, not some scam.

I can't say he would have done things differently if his finances were different, I can say that if he hadn't been pressured to remarry after he got full custody (warped ideas from his family that we needed a mother figure), he probably wouldn't have. He's been merrily living alone for many years now, and I think (as I thought before he remarried) he is happier and more himself that way, he was just unfortunately in a cultural space where doing that with kids or when in a relationship was seen as unacceptable. With us all grown up, fewer people care. It may not seem normal or acceptable for them to live separately, that doesn't mean it's automatically wrong for them or that they're doing it for bad reasons.

Mean one more house available

You agree it's legal, so why not leave it at that. Why get worked up over it. What a stupid post.

There is absolutely no way my children would cope moving someone into our home. If I loved someone and wanted to commit to them then I can see how this arrangement would work. It sounds ideal to me and this wouldn't be for financial reasons.

I knew a couple with two children, she was a single mother of two as far as the benefit system was concerned and he theoretically lived with his mother, but he actually lived with her in her council provided flat. He was really smug about it too, going on about how much money they were getting, I do hope they got caught.

For what? They aren't breaking any rules

Have you considered that they live apart because her child has additional needs?

Doesn't everyone do that? Vote for the party they think will benefit them?

And no matter who you vote for, the only ones they really care about are themselves I'm afraid.

Yes, both children are theirs.

if the child has SEN it may be that it would be detrimental to their wellbeing for a man to move in, depending on the needs and the child. However they may still wish to declare their commitment and love to each other.
when SEN kids are in the mix, its a whole other ball game. Unless you have walked in their shoes you cannot know whats going on between them, but of course everyone assumes nowdays that they are fiddling the system rather than prioritising their children

It’s probably for financial reasons but equally I wouldn’t want to live with someone with two kids who aren’t mine

It can be extremely draining to live with the needs of a child with SEN even when it's your own. I know this because I have a child with SEN. I can fully imagine that living separately might be the only way to maintain a relationship when day to day living can be such extreme pressure on the parent, let alone the non-parent. It might not be everybody's ideal but it can go a long way to preserving a good relationship. I totally understand it.

A lot of your close friends and family must receive benefits for you to know so much about the ins and outs of their lives.

I wonder why you’re still friends with them if you’re so judgmental of them.

Have you tried minding your own business?

I think it poses a problem really if the children are not shared children and although I don’t agree it’s necessarily morally right I can see why some people choose to do this.

Just purely assuming the basics, a single mum with 2 children, one with SEN, and lets assume the LHA (for my area) of £700 she would be getting:

£400 (adult 25+)
£600 roughly (2 children)
£700 housing element

Plus if she gets DLA for SEN child then the disability child element

£160 roughly if lower rate
£495 roughly if higher rate

Her monthly UC is either £1860 a month if lower, £2195 a month if higher. £2195 a month is the equivalent to a salary of about £33,000 a year before tax, and she’d lose that.

If they move in together she would be £1750-2100 worse off and if these children are not his children, he could well be of the mind that he doesn’t want to pay for those kids to make up that shortfall which I don’t think is inherently unreasonable, but it doesn’t leave many options that to continue living separately.

How do they increase their income by doing this?

Two rents
Two council taxes
2 utility bills
2 groceries shops

If she claims dla for her child then that wouldn't be affected by moving in with a partner anyway. She could be a millionaire and her child would still be entitled to dla

And people wonder why the benefit bill, for the first time ever, is more than the amount income tax brings in 🙈

It is an actual disadvantage to work and staying together as a family has a financial penalty. You can literally see why it makes sense to chase a private diagnosis and live as a single parent.

I suppose the way they “increase” their income, if that’s the argument, is that she is receiving potentially the equivalent of a £32k salary in UC (breakdown in my last post of the numbers), so lets say for arguments sake he works and also earns £32k.

In separate houses they both “get” that £32k salary each.

If they move in together then they suddenly only have one £32k salary.

It’s not really about the DLA, it’s about the whole picture with the UC. Yes she’d keep the DLA but the other £2195 she’d lose- and that’s a lot to lose. It’s also a lot for a husband who isn’t the dad of these children to cover, he might not want to, or be able to cover those costs.