Relationship with ex has turned into a FWB / casual sex type of thing

[EpicLeWin]

I need some advice and no judgement please like on a previous thread of mine purely about our ages

I started dating my ex at 15, we had DD(3) at 17 and we also have a just turned 1 year old.

We split before I found our I was pregnant with youngest because he wanted said he thought he was bisexual and wanted to experiment with men, while it was hard we remained friends and when I found out I was pregnant he was supportive.

I have no family support really it's just him and his dad and stepmom, I'm still toll
Living where we were living previously and he's living back with his dad but he comes over regularly etc We don't have a fixed schedule it's just anytime really not a proper routine and it works

Over xmas I went with him to go and stay with his mum and her side of the family, it was nice for the dc to see other family too but we ended up sleeping together. I had the MAP and we agreed it was a mistake

However it’s turned into casual sex / fwb type thing and we do have sex often if he stays over for example (he stays over if one of the dc have been ill to help me as i can’t go to borh if they’re crying for example)

i do love him of course but i’m not chasing to get back with him or anything if he doesn’t want to but i don’t know what’s best

I don’t feel i have anyone i can talk to irl

So he has two children that he doesn't live with and sex on tap without having to commit to relationship?

Sounds like dream of every manchild everywhere!

No judgement if this is what you want, but is it what you want? It sounds like he can pick and choose the bits of a relationship that suit him and you’re left with the dregs with no commitment.

I doubt that this is what you want - you're picking up scraps at the expense of your mental health and personal dignity.
Tell him to piss or get off the pot.

So you’re 21? He’s using you for sex and childcare. You are so young you can find someone so much better, but not while sleeping with him. Also the friendship you have for your kids is great and needs to be protected, sleeping with him will destroy it. You also need an STI as you’ve had unprotected sex with him and he’s probably having sex with other men.

Well he’s having his cake and eating it too isn’t he? Unless this arrangement works for you too, don’t let him use you like this. If he wanted to be with you, he would be.

No judgement . you need to decide what you want .
He’s having a great time keeping you on a hook, sex when he wants it, kids when he fancies playing dad while trying to decide what he wants from life poor thing and all the freedom he wants while you have to wait around for him to make decisions on your life , none of it is to your benefit and as you still love him he knows that he’s got you where he wants you , it’s all about him.
I know you’re still young and hope-full but you need to stop wasting your time and energy waiting for him .
It’s time to decide that you want more .
Get fixed times for visits from him for the children, don’t let him stay over and stop sleeping with him , he’s using you . It’s not all about him .

He comes over to see the dc or takes them places like the park but he can't have them at his due to space hence him coming here and us not having a proper schedule plus his work is all over the place so ors hard to put anything in place

We had unprotected sex once which was the first time but all the other times its been protected.

It sounds like he’s using you.

Honestly, I've seen this several times IRL. In every case, the woman was hoping for a relationship, the man was just enjoying the sex, the woman ended up feeling sad / used

You deserve better. My advice, stay on good terms but stop sleeping with him

I don't think he is. I just wonder if he regrets us breaking up now as it was almost 2 years ago

How's his exploration with sex with men going?

In the kindest possible way, no he doesn't regret breaking up.

He's quite happy to have casual sex with you if you'll let him, and he doesn't have to offer you anything much in return. He hasn't sorted out a proper place to live where he can actually parent his own children, has he? He's back playing teenagers at his Dad's house and getting the occasional shag from you.

And he's probably shagging others if he gets the chance. It sounds like you are doing all the parenting and work.

Break things off and put a proper schedule in place for him to come and take his children out. And sort out child maintenance from his as well. You can be civil and parent together without letting him have sex if he feels like it and not if he doesn't.

You'll be better off drawing a proper line under this relationship as it will let you move on.

Sweetheart, if that were true he’d surely tell you that rather than coming round, playing happy families for a bit, getting his leg over and then clearing off.

Twenty years ago I was in the same position with my ex. It broke my heart every time he left. Every time he came over I was desperate for him to tell me that he wanted us to try again. It never happened. Eventually I plucked up the courage and ripped off the plaster. It hurt, but it did get better.

You deserve a better life for yourself and your little ones.

He doesn’t regret breaking up OP. If he did then he would be coming asking you on a date, a real conversation, not for a shag.

Working out well for him isn’t it. Don’t you think you deserve better? As your children get older they are going to be increasingly confused.

Think about what you want and get some bullet proof contraception.

The weathers getting nicer too - he can take them out.

1 time is more than enough to catch STIs. He’s an adult so he needs to save for his own place

He is 100% using you. Time with the kids and free sex while he’s there

Is this what you want or are you hoping for more?

You want honesty? Well, you are degrading yourself by letting yourself be used. Yes, he is the father of your children, and it's good he wants to be involved, but why not let him look after the kids while you go out? Why don't you make a proper, regulated arrangement of times? Like I say, if it's only a takeaway coffee and a nice quiet sit somewhere.
Remember, you split because of his confusion over his sexuality. I doubt that has changed.
hold your head up and be strong

Do you want to be back together with him?

If not, are you happy just having casual (protected!) sex with him? Theres nothing wrong with that if it's what you both want and you have the same expectations and are both clear about that.

How do you picture your future? Do you imagine meeting someone else or are you hoping to reconcile with your ex?

I think you need to have a conversation with him. Unless you're both happy with casual sex then I think you should probably make a boundary and be sure neither of you crosses it. No more sleepovers etc. He can always take the children out, come over in the evening so you can go out etc.

Only you can decide what you want. All I would question….is this what you want for yourself? I get hes the kids dad and you rely on him for support etc but is this what you want from your life? If a part time man suits you, then you have one. If you want a committed long term relationship then you need to ask him to do that or find a man that will. Only you can decide what you want from your life 🫶

First post nails it.