AIBU to ask about sudden fear of boarding trains and standing near platform edges

[InterviewGhost]

Posting here for traffic. A few times a week I travel 80 miles each way from my house to work. I am no stranger to long train journeys and I’ve never had this issue before:
recently I’ve started getting crippling fear, dizziness and generally feeling faint when I have to get on or off a train. I focus on the gap between the platform and the train and I fixate on the tracks. I tend to get so freaked out about falling on the tracks that I back right away to the wall on the side of the platform (if there is one). I’ve missed countless trains now because of this.
sometimes I ask someone to help me on said train and generally people are obliging and kind but I can’t go on like this and I don’t know where it’s come from.
Anyone else had this? Any tips?

NB I can only get the train to work, I don’t drive.

I would have a song or recite a poem to focus on when the train comes in that lasts until you're off it. Or headphones with a song or audiobook on and really focus on that. Seems like you've got stuck into a cycle with it and just need to break the association.

I normally have my earphones in but actually on reflection, reciting something would work better because I’d have to focus on it much more than whatever dross I’m listening to on Spotify.

Yes I have this. I have to stand behind a confident looking person who is also boarding (!) and leap onto the train not looking down. I started to dread train journeys in advance.
Its awful. But keep pushing through.
I do wish the gap didn’t have to be so big

I used to get like this about going down stairs or escalators and one thing that helped would be to follow someone else and really focus on them (and their successful use of the stairs/escalators). I'd stare at the middle of their back and focus on them not me, almost like an out of body experience. So it was other people helping me without me having to ask them. And more widely, it went away when my baseline anxiety got better which was a combination of lifestyle changes and a less stressful job.

I’ve started to get this, last week for a few brief seconds an image flashed up me falling down the gap, it was absolutely terrifying.

Do you think the gap is big enough for you to fall through? You know that there's always a member of staff who looks up and down the platform checking for problems before the train is released. Saying that I hate getting on the big long escalators on the London underground, I feel dizzy looking down with that initial step on and avoid the deep lines.

I think the gap is big enough.

It definitely is. And I’m not a tiny woman either.

My anxiety has been through the roof: redundancy, new job which is extremely challenging, total change to my routine.
Definitely outing myself there, oh well.

Could you book Passenger Assist for your journeys until you feel better?

Hadn’t considered this but I’m going to give it a go. A friend said this sensation is known as gravitational insecurity. Who knew!

It’s awful, isn’t it??? I also get intrusive thoughts about my phone falling on the tracks or chucking my phone and laptop the same way.

I have struggled with this for years! And I use the Tube all the time. I struggle with the gap as well as the feeling that I’m about to fall from the platform onto the tracks even when I’m just standing waiting for the train.
My solve has been to look straight ahead while holding the handles by the door until one foot makes it to the platform when getting off or the train when getting on. If I can’t hold then I cannot make the transition.
similar issue with escalators and even stairs!!
i do suffer from anxiety around heights and motion sickness and Im convinced they are all related.

CBT was brilliant for other intrusive thoughts I’ve had in the past.

I hope things get better soon! Mine lasted for years, not every time I used them but enough that it was annoying and inconvenient. Do whatever you can for your anxiety in the meantime - exercise, sleep, fresh air, no booze, see GP if you haven't already, etc.

hi
i have exactly the same fear i also had a fear of going down stairs. I’ve been seeing a therapist who has helped me change in my head why I am frightened of stairs
. The fear of getting on trains is something we are working on

I once dropped my purse on the track when getting off a train. Station staff sorted it quickly once the train left,and I was soon reunited with it.

This same fear has affected me for the past few years. I had attributed it to old age & the loss of balance that that brings but it seems from this thread that others experience it as well. My main tactics are:-

• Never ever look at the train as it comes into the station. It's movement beside me makes the dizzy sensation much worse. I turn my back on it and wait as far from the platform edge as possible.

• Once I hear the train is at a halt I scuttle towards a door where other people are waiting to board (safety in numbers 😀!)

• As the doors open I focus my eyes intently & solely on the grab handle inside. When it's my turn to get on I grip that handle tightly before I attempt to step across the dreaded gap.

My sympathies @InterviewGhost because it's a really unnerving & horrible feeling.

Do see your GP about the dizziness, OP. That needs investigating.

Other than that, I had a similar experience (but without dizziness) for months after my mother died, suddenly and unexpectedly during a period when many other things were going wrong in my life.

In my case, I had great difficulty crossing roads, paralysed by fear and anxiety. It gradually wore off as I got my life back on course. I hope the same happens for you, OP.

This is very useful advice and I’ve screen shotted it to look at the next time I have to get the train to work. It seems this problem is more common than I thought! At least I am in good company.

It’s wide enough for your legs to slip through. That happened to me years ago as a teenager just as the train was beginning to pull off - old style slam door train though, I guess new ones won’t pull off until all doors auto close, which is obviously a lot safer now!
@InterviewGhostis it possible that it actually might be vertigo or something like that? At least to start with, which then caused the intrusive thoughts? Possibly some kind of sinus/ear infection?

When my anxiety gets bad I get things like that - for about a year I couldn't use lifts or go on the tube at all because I suddenly developed fears of them, and also hated the long escalators. I went on medication for generalised anxiety and was amazed one day that I took a tube trip without thinking twice about it - only realised later that it coincided with starting medication.

How old are you? This sort of spatial disorientation can hit around menopause. I'm fine with trains, for me it's driving on fast roads with elevated sections, where I feel like I'm going to fall off the edge of the road and over the edge. I deal with it by looking at the road ahead, not sideways, and staying in the inside lane, preferably sheltering behind a steady lorry. I think if it's a very specific situation it's probably best dealt with through practical tips of this kind that help you get through your particular situation. Good luck, it's horrible to deal with.

I had a cousin who suddenly developed this. Was an issue for months until he decided he was going to force himself to confront it. He went down to London for a day with his girlfriend and they spent the day just getting on and off trains on the underground all day, switching lines etc. Because he didn't have to be on a specific train to be on, it didn't mind if he failed a couple of times, and by the end of the day he'd basically desensitised himself to it.

I was going to ask if you'd had any stress or trauma recently, as I have all sorts of weird intrusive thoughts and "obsessions" since several close together bereavements and other huge unwanted life changes.

Lots if good advice here, so just wanted to add support and solidarity. Our brains can be treachorous things and extremely unhelpful sometimes even when it's allegedly trying to protect us.

I'm working on how to leave the house without obsessively checking the door is locked and nothing is on fire. Stupidest thing is I know it's irrational overkill even as I'm doing it 😂 so once again, you have my sympathy, and I hope things level out for you soon xxxx