AIBU to ask about sudden fear of boarding trains and standing near platform edges

[InterviewGhost]

Posting here for traffic. A few times a week I travel 80 miles each way from my house to work. I am no stranger to long train journeys and I’ve never had this issue before:
recently I’ve started getting crippling fear, dizziness and generally feeling faint when I have to get on or off a train. I focus on the gap between the platform and the train and I fixate on the tracks. I tend to get so freaked out about falling on the tracks that I back right away to the wall on the side of the platform (if there is one). I’ve missed countless trains now because of this.
sometimes I ask someone to help me on said train and generally people are obliging and kind but I can’t go on like this and I don’t know where it’s come from.
Anyone else had this? Any tips?

NB I can only get the train to work, I don’t drive.

I’m 40 and peri. I take HRT.

I only realised this with hindsight but for me this random anxiety was peri menopause and it lifted once I started HRT.

I know I will get some people rolling their eyes at this and saying everything is now about menopause but this one was for me

I’ve been on and off meds for anxiety for years and tbh am not keen to go back on, I’d rather try practical stuff first. Wish I could take beta blockers but I have asthma. Argh!

Get Some counselling before it turns into a real phobia. Don’t delay.
find a therapist that offers EMDR as well.

I have been vv anxious about escalators and stairs for 15-20 years. I live in London and plan journeys around where there are lifts at train and tube stations I get on or off at or need to change lines at it. All my friends and colleagues know about this limitation and are used to me waiting for lifts rather than zipping up stairs or escalators
Getting on trains I am getting better at, helps if I am wearing plimsolls or trainers, that somehow makes me feel more safe when getting on or off a train .
I think this part of my phobia got worse after my DH did actually fall between the train and the platform when getting on a train. He suffered broken bones, but was lucky not to have been more seriously injured...

I avoid the deep lines too.

I got the heel of a stiletto stuck in the grooves of the old wooden escalators on the Central Line many years ago and as I was struggling to pull it free I had visions of being sucked under when I got to the top. Obviously I wouldn't have been, but I was starting to panic. I have never got past that.

No advice really but you’re not alone, I have the same fear, came out of nowhere 5/6 ago. I have to do a running jump on and off trains, I commuted through London every day for 26 years without this fear so I don’t know why I’ve now developed it.
I got other fears aswell, flying, walking under a certain bridge near my house. The only connection I can come up with is it started during the Covid lockdown, maybe spending every day focusing on how many people were dying wasn’t great for our mental wellbeing.

I get this sometimes

I'm a londoner but act like I've never been on the tube in my life the way I shepherd dd on and off the train 🙈

Maybe its just normal? Similar to getting anxious about driving

It's too difficult to get out of this mindset on your own OP, please make an appointment with your GP to get CBT. Trust me, I've been there and it's the best way to resolve your anxiety.