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AIBU?

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Original poster

How old was your teen when…

33 replies

Scampiniknak · 08/04/2026 14:45

They got their first boyfriend/girlfriend? Ds is 14 and to my knowledge has no interest in girls. Don’t think he has so much as kissed a girl. I sometimes ask if there’s anyone he’s interested in and he says no he doesn’t like any of the girls at his school.

This isn’t a problem to me of course. The longer he’s like this the better in my eyes! I’m just curious as there seems to be such a huge spectrum at this age. Many of his friends have had multiple ‘relationships’ and some have even had sex already. I know at that age I was very interested in boys.

Like I said, I really don’t care and am not worried but I just wondered when it happened for other dc.

OP posts:
tichbrew · 08/04/2026 14:49

There is a good chance even if he likes someone he won't tell you! My daughter had her first "boyfriend" at 13 and my son still hasn't had a girlfriend at 19.

Bunnybackinherwarren · 08/04/2026 14:50

All different.. One that stands out is ds... He was 12.. Still together when he was 16...

Bells3032 · 08/04/2026 14:53

Every kids is different. I had my first "boyfriend" at age 3 and we stayed together til the age of 9. then first "real" boyfriend at 16. I didn't marry til i was 31 after meeting 2 years before. my sister didn't have a boyfriend til she turned 20. She married him when she was 24 and they've been together nearly 20 years....so doesn't mean anything.

I think 14 is still on the younger side....you're also assuming he'd tell you

OwlsDontGoToSchool · 08/04/2026 14:54

18 year old hasn't had one
16 year old may have had one for the last year or so or they may be just good friends, it remains unclear!
I didn't have a boyfriend until I went to uni so no judgement from me either way.

Denim4ever · 08/04/2026 14:55

Odds on - depending how old you are - the whole scene of dating has totally transformed since you were their age and there's no way it will seem logical or straightforward.

DS 20 had one girlfriend and 2 people he dated several times over weeks - one last summer, one last term - that he did not describe as girlfriends.

Rockchick01 · 08/04/2026 14:57

I wouldn’t know. How many of us told our parents of all our boyfriends. My son’s first official girlfriend that I know of was when he was around 16.

Bumply · 08/04/2026 14:58

My 28 year old Ds1 says he’s more likely to adopt a child than get in a relationship and have kids of his own. Quickly followed by saying he has no plans to adopt. He’s a bit of a hermit. Has friends and colleagues but doesn’t socialise by choice

ds2 24 has had a few short term relationships but no plans to settle down yet. Not sure what age he started dating.

Bristolandlazy · 08/04/2026 14:58

One DD was I think maybe sixteen, other was a bit older, best friend's DS seemed to have no interest and just started dating at 22. My daughters had male and female friends at school, it's possible they were dating before I realised. Many of their friends now aren't that interested in dating (early twenties) or have only just got their first partners.

Shinyhappyapple · 08/04/2026 14:59

My DS was 17 (a couple of months short of 18) and that wasn’t unusual amongst his friends. I know he had crushes on girls a couple of years before that and there was one they went out quite a few times as friends. He’s still with his first proper GF now though - 7 years later.

I think your DS may be less likely to tell you if you keep asking him though- it’s like you’re making a big thing of it.

EndlessTreadmill · 08/04/2026 15:05

Generally I would expect it to be around 16, and more serious from about 18/19.
Also, bear in mind that he may well have crushes and small interactions, but he won't be telling you about them!

Original poster
Scampiniknak · 08/04/2026 15:08

Thank you all. I’m not daft, I’m sure he has had some crushes or interactions and don’t expect to know about them. Although overall we do have a good relationship. He is a shy and self conscious and I can’t imagine him having the confidence or bravado to approach a girl even if he did like them. So I guess we’ll see what the next few years bring.

OP posts:
savehannah · 08/04/2026 15:11

Dd1 first boyfriend age 7, another one she approx 11, then a girlfriend aged 13. Nothing then really until age 17 when she had a year-long relationship with a boyfriend. First serious one. It maybe put her off as it ended due to him being coercive and controlling. Since then no interest in relationships (as far as I know) for over a year.

Dd2 (17) possibly/probably gay but apart from a brief girlfriend aged 12, no apparent relationships.

DS (15) no interest in relationships as far as I know since a 'girlfriend' aged 7. Not sure if gay or straight but doesn't express any interest.

I don't think 14 is particularly old not to have had relationships. OP, you're assuming he's straight, is there any chance he's gay? Also I suppose it's possible he's just not telling you about any romantic interest. (Same with my kids, maybe they're just not telling me)

Crwysmam · 08/04/2026 15:32

DS had his first serious girlfriend at 16 and therefore the “big” breakup 18months later. I was quite relieved it was while he was still at home because he could “deal” with it with our support. He’s had a series of short term relationships since.

He did come home from uni before Easter and announce that he’d met his future wife. She’s at uni too but her course means she’s not always in the city which I suspect will suit him. He likes his life with his mates. Most of them have long distant relationships leaving them plenty of time for boys only stuff. If they get past the teenage limpet stage then they start to enjoy a more healthy relationship. That goes for both boys and girls.

Givethemacall · 08/04/2026 15:48

One was 13,and has had more romantic interests than I’ve had hot dinners…

my nearly 21 year old had no interest - never had any romantic relationships at all.

They do things if and when they are ready!

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 08/04/2026 16:26

I was 19 before I got my first girlfriend, hell I didn't even manage to snog anyone until 17! It wasn't that I wasn't interested, I was just shy, crap at talking to girls and a ridiculously skinny thing with massive ears!

If you'd asked my parents, they'd have said I had no interest in getting a girlfriend, because that's what I told them. Was far less cringe than admitting that the girl I fancied didn't even know I existed.

angelcake20 · 08/04/2026 16:38

DS was 20, 2 6 month (ish) relationships by 23. DD (21, gay) goes on lots of dates but has never had a serious relationship.

Popfan · 08/04/2026 16:41

My DS had a girlfriend at 13 ish, didn't last long and didn't see each other much really. He then got together with his current girlfriend when he was 15 and is still with her age 18.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 08/04/2026 16:44

Other than the very young 'boyfriends' at about 7 or 8 (which we don't count do we?) both my DD's had their first proper serious relationships at 15.

bombish · 08/04/2026 16:45

Ds had a huge crush on Iris in primary. After that nothing but he has said that girls were nice in primary but not so in secondary. He is in year 11.

SpecialAgentMaggieBell · 08/04/2026 16:52

19 year old hasn't had one, 23 year old hasn't had one. Neither are too bothered.

HelpMeGetThrough · 08/04/2026 17:01

No idea. Both boys have/had girlfriends, no idea if they were the first or not.

Ponderingwindow · 08/04/2026 17:38

My Dd has very particular standards and says there is no one at her school worth dating. I suspect it will be university at this point.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 08/04/2026 17:40

19 and 17 for our DS

Neither had shown any interest before that.

merryhouse · 08/04/2026 18:45

S2 was in 6th form, though I remember a conversation in Y9 which made clear he liked someone (never did get round to asking if it was the same person 🙃)

S1 was in his fourth year of university. Two of his friendship group were a couple by the time GCSEs came round.

They knew of other people having sex in years 10 and 11 (and rumours of abortions).

BananaPeels · 08/04/2026 18:47

I was 19. I think most people don’t have a relationship at school. Certainly you heard all about the 10% that did and everything they got up to but most of us didn’t at school. I didn’t have time and my kids certainly don’t!