To think my mother could have been just a little bit more enthusiastic about the news that I'm pregnant

[purplehairpiercedears]

So, on Sunday I found out that I'm pregnant with dc no2. I phoned my mother to tell her that ds is going to be a big brother. There was a pause and then "Oh".

It's not the best time, i know that. We are not in a very good financial position, and dh and i are not getting on brilliantly, but the pg wasn't planned and at the end of the day, these things to happen.

I mentioned her lack of enthusiasm and she said that the only reason she was less than happy was because she knew how much I struggled with ds (???) and she doesn't like to see me struggle because she loves me so much. She doesn't feel like she's supporting me very well at the moment (because we had the temerity to move away from them) but there have been opportunities to support us, and she has - but it's not been with particularly good grace (although that could be all in my head, of course)

It's really upset me, tbh, and yes - I've namechanged. She does have a tendency to stalk me on MN, and I don't like bitching about another MNer particularly, but MN is my support network and I need some help with this.

Awww, I know you're hurt, but she could well be worried.

Think about it from a mother's perspective - if your child was having money and relationship problems, and then announced a pregnancy you would be worried for her.

(Love the name btw)

Many congratulations on your pregnancy purple. Sorry to hear that your mother was less than enthusiastic at this lovely news.

I do sympathise - we had a similar reaction from my ils. Apparently it wasn't "our turn" to have another baby, as sil had been ttc for ages and was very upset that it hadn't happened for her.

I am very for sil. However, it was good news for us, and mil's response/disapproval was extremely hurtful to us.

Hope you are feeling ok other than this blip from your mother.

Flamey - yes, i know that. But would you just be sad about it or would you try and do what you could to help?

you have my sympathy too. When I told my Mum I was preg again after my first mc I dodn't even get a congratulations - just a "its still early". It was heartbreaking - especially when I went on to lose the preg.

So - form me a great big CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

We're still in shock i think NDTH! (got my scan tomorrow morning!!)

Even from a mother's perspective, imo it would have been kinder and more appropriate to congratulate you initially. Then (if necessary) over the next few months offer practical help or support.

Oh dear. I'm of the opinion that the only correct response to an announcement of a pregnancy is "congratulations". On the other hand, I can see why your Mum is a bit worried about you.

onepiece - the trouble is, i know she struggles to support us practical support as we do live away from them and they don't drive. It was easier with ds when we lived round the corner from them.

She did say that she would love a second grandchild, just as she loves ds. But the initial response was like a cold shower tbh...

MrsTM - I can see why my mum is worried about me too, i'm worried about me tbh. But there's being worried and then there's doing something about it.

Maybe I should be more vocal about asking for help rather than expecting her to offer. I just don't like to impose on her, i know that they have stuff to do.

I should think it was initial gut response. When I told my mum I was pregnant with DS she was more than because I chose a very bad time to do it (couldn't hold it in any longer!).

She's probably kicking herself for not reacting properly.

Intrigued who you are now cos you called me Flamey....

ooooooooooooooooh - penny dropped.

Congratulations! It's lovely news for you
Mums don't always think about what they say do they?

With my Dd, I got ' Silly girl!' I was 42 fgs!!!

Still gotta have been a better reaction than when we told my Gran about pregnancy with DD

"Well at least your happy about it"

Pmsl - I woulda thought you'd know who i was from the name alone never mind my jaw-dropping news (IMO) that i found out i was pg on Sunday evening!

Not too bright

I know how you feel. Upon announcing pregnancy with dd1 I got "That was silly" Upon announcing pregnancy with dd2 I got "When are you you going to start being careful". To be fair she is a fab granny to them, but I get comments like this on every aspect of my life "that's stupid" "Why don't you do this" "You can't do that" She is very controlling and also always gives the "I just worry about you. You do have a tendency to be stupid ). I now don't tell her anything until I have to. Of course that leads to "Why didn't you tell me".
I think you either have to tell her you're hurt or otherwise just rise above it and ignore her comments.

I'm at some of the mums on here! My mum is nowhere near that bad - or she's more subtle than just saying "You're stupid"

I think someone on MN had a mother or MIL who - when told the joyous news of a much wanted pregnancy - said, "Oh well, there's still time for you to lose it!" i'd've decked her!

I know she'll adore a new grandchild - she dotes on ds. I am overreacting i think and you are right, i need to rise above it and/or ignore all hurtful comments in the future.

My Mum speaks befre thinking too. She is great most of the time but when I announced my preg with ds2 she said 'oh no' lol
When my sister recently announced her first pregnancy my mum said 'oh god another one' it ewill be her 6th grandchild

We told PILs I was pregnant with DD1 on the phone from India on Xmas Day (it was meant to be our last big holiday before starting ttc, but DD1 had other plans ). Her reaction (to DH, although I could hear every word) was 'oh, so is it congratulations or commiserations then?' .

My dad was less than enthusiastic when I told him I was expecting DC2...well it was unplanned and DD1 was only a year old. Mind you, that was nothing compared to the reaction we got from everyone when we told them DC2 was actually DTs .

Congratulations on your pregnancy purplehair . As others have said, I'm sure your mum is just worried about and spoke before she thought.

awwwww sorry they upset you huge congratulations though

if it helps at all my parents only said congratulations once when we announced I was pg - and that was on the FOURTH child!

Well, when I announced that I was pg with ds4, my Mum's response was "Ah, you fecker!" and to LOL!

congratulations- i've never had anyone be pleased when i'm pregnant either and had all sorts of hurtful comments, but i just ignore them (not easy admitiddely)i rememebr my friend being very upset when she told her nan she was pregnant with her 2nd being very upset as she turned round and siad oh dear i dont think you should have had more than 1