AIBU to feel upset by a sexualised meme a friend shared?

[Frankie47]

As someone with body dysmorphia I struggle in a lot of ways that others don’t, so please be kind. Male friend shared a link to the attached meme where the joke is that the boy’s teacher was so “hot” that the father cut his son out of the photo. Lots of men had made leery comments on the photo too. Photo is heavily photo shopped but basically woman has large chest, tiny waist and long legs.

I know logically that this is an outdated stereotype, that real life attraction is far more nuanced, that other body types can be attractive and it’s personality that matters. However, my condition over rides my logical brain and now I feel more depressed about being flat chested and nearly fifty.

Please be kind, I just need help to try and get past this and find it funny, I don’t want him to think I don’t have a sense of humour or that I’m prudish. My knee jerk reaction is to say that I wish I had a body like that but this will be dismissed as silly and not really understood. I don’t want to look foolish but these images affect me quite deeply.

your male friend shouldn’t send you this the sleazy fecker

Wait a moment @OtterlyAstounding , 4-9% of men have engaged in bestiality at least once? I don’t think that’s true? Where did you get that stat?

But she doesn't have a 'large chest' 🤷‍♀️

I’m not saying sending sexist stuff like this is ok, but he didn’t ’make’ her feel shit. The same photo would have been brushed off my many.

She felt shit because of her own beliefs about herself. The power of her response is hers.

OP, you will always see beautiful women. There will always be women more beautiful than you. You cannot avoid that. This response comes from within. Only you can heal it.

Before I clicked on the thread I knew that this "friend" would be male.

I'm surprised her weird twiggy arm isn't snapping under the weight of the certificate.

I have a very similar body to the woman (and no, she doesn't have a large chest) and I still don't find this in any way funny.
Your body dysmorphia is something you should address. I think most people would say they can't afford counseling - I used to think it myself until I desperately needed it. When the situation calls for it, money can be found by trimming things elsewhere.

It's a bit of a tangent, but yes, it does seem to be roughly true, although as I said to pp, the stats mostly rely on older studies.

This is paywalled so I can't access it right now, but this analytical overview said: "Research does not consistently give precise rates, but classic studies indicate that 5 to 8% of males engage in bestiality"

And this website, which gives sources, says:

"Estimates of prevalence vary, but by any estimation the numbers are still substantial. Writing in the 1940’s, famed sexual researcher Alfred Kinsey estimated that 8% of men and 3.6% of women had engaged in some sort of sexual act with an animal.
However, these figures were disputed in academia due to the fact that an unreasonably high proportion of the subjects in Kinsey's widely-cited study were prisoners. Also, a later study in 1974 by Morton M Hunt put the prevalence of men and women having intimate relations with animals at 4.9% and 1.9% respectively."

I would think less of someone who sent me this, it's not funny. And I have a good sense of humour generally.

I too didn't see the funny side...and she don't even look fit... anything that looks fake is cringe. Internet is full of silly memes like this and full of Photoshopped images and Ai videos. Everything online is far away from reality. So don't take it personally and tell that friend not to share things like that with you again..or just delete and don't respond it, he will get his answer you're not interested.

But she doesn't even have a large chest?
Op you have the power to choose to ignore this crap

I think the joke in this meme is actually at mens' expense. Men are so misogynistic and shallow they would cut their own child out of a photo if there was a perceived attractive woman present. The response is well yes isn't that the sad truth, men prioritise ogling and objectifying women over the achievements of their children.

It’s weird that a male would ever share that with you anyway? Normally men send each other stuff like that.

I’m so very sorry you’re struggling with this condition. You don’t have to find the joke funny OP. There’s nothing wrong with your sense of humour, but I completely understand that you would second guess how you’re ‘supposed’ to react, given your body dysmorphia and how it distorts your perception. I think the joke is lame and pathetic myself. My reaction would be nothing. Just leave it hanging there with no reaction. It doesn’t deserve one.

this was my take too, a “look how pathetic I am, couldn’t even focus on my child’s achievements because boobs and bum”.
@Frankie47 you say male friend, is he someone you’d want to be more than a friend and this is why you’re upset?

Well, your friend’s a twat with an embarrassingly basic sense of humour.

I’d just ignore.

Send him the male version
On repeat

I would just add to what I said before, my SIL used to include me on the list of people she sent memes and jokes to and a lot of them were about people’s appearance. Someone with an unusually small chin or big ears or whatever and some ‘hilarious’ caption. I love a laugh and can have a very dark sense of humour, but what I don’t find funny is laughing about features that people were born with. Crap make up, dodgy hairstyles and clothes yes. Physical, unchangeable features no. I just didn’t react to anything like that when she sent it, while still reacting to other stuff. She soon got the message. I know because she still sends them to DP, who is too much of a people pleaser not to respond, even when he doesn’t find something funny. People who send jokes and memes desperately want you to approve. So don’t!

I don’t think the people insulting her appearance are helping.

I also have body dysmorphia, it sucks. I used to be a body builder and I had an objectively impressive body (although not to everybody’s taste sexually) but I still felt uncomfortable in it.

In my experience, the feelings are not about what I look like, they’re about my sense of self worth. The feelings about my body are worse when I’m having a bad day and better when I’m having a good day, even though my body looks the same. So try to understand that it isn’t about your body, it’s about your self worth. You are worth more than your body.

As for your friend, I’d just change the subject. Comment on how photoshop / AI has improved in the last decade, or ask why they’re using garden chairs in the school hall or what child’s sash says. That way you’re getting the message across that you’re not interested in the joke but you’re remaining friendly.

I would find new enlightened friends.

I'd respond by laughing at the awful photoshopping and assume on the group that that's why he shared the cringeworthy picture.

Honestly I might roll my eyes if I could be bothered to even do that and move on with my day. I think you are massively over reacting personally

FFS it's silly nonsense ,keep scroll5a d move on with your day .no one was hurt or died

I think op is a male.

I agree with the other poster who spotted that this is probably photoshopped. The waist is tiny compard with her bum and the bottom of her arm is too small.

You cant be jealous of a body shape which is literally impossible to achieve!