To have a fourth child?

[Wherethewildoneswander]

Children are 5, 3 and 1
They are great (obviously 😂)

I’m 37
DH is 39

I work part time (2.5 days)
He works full time
Gross household income 180-200k

Have a 7 seater car
4 bed house - scope to extend

Eldest at school - 2 days wraparound care
Youngest two at nursery 3 days

No massive family help in terms of regular childcare or babysitting
But grandmothers on both sides able to look after one child eg. if I have an appointment during school holidays

We’ve always wanted 4
AIBU?

Curious - are you concerned with the increasingly poor outcomes we’re seeing for teenagers/young adults in terms of securing jobs (even NMW) and the knock on effect to them being able to own their own home? Also, the very real impact of climate change already being experienced with more coming in terms of climate migration and food security?

We had 4 (3 are adults now) and my fourth I had at 37, so very similar and similar age gaps too. Similar income too (relative to the fact we had ours 20 years ago)..

It wasn't for the fainthearted and we were very very lucky, surviving redundancies, covid and other unforeseen life events. We were able to afford 4 sets of school fees including one boarding but that was then... wouldn't be able to now on 200k as costs have sky rocketed. Overall even without school fees it was expensive and we did move to a 6 bedroom house because when they became teens it felt quite overcrowded in a 4 bed with us both working from home full time and lots of other teens camping out here constantly!

Ultimately we love our family but it's really hard work and financially draining. Not sure we will be able to provide huge house deposits unless we downsize, but that's not the end of the world, lots of people can't either so I am not going to feel too bad about that!!

Yeah why not. We have 5 and whilst obviously expensive, we largely enjoy our lives. We’re also fortunate that our DC get on well, they’re all good kids and don’t cause any trouble. You earn enough combined and have the space so go for it, you don’t need anyone else’s opinion.

We have four but with a bigger age gap between 3-4(unplanned)
Its a lot more expensive than I expected and
while I wouldn’t give her back the drudgery of homework/bedtime etc is real. I’m 25 years calling children for school, only 2 more to go!

Think you’re mad in this economy personally but it’s up to you.

Look very realistically at your debts and take it from there. After a 4th, your earning capacity will drop for some time. The job market and economy is going to be rough for the next minimum 5 years.
If DH is a decent earner with a safe job and if you know you can and will return to work and, crucially, if you don’t have a big mortgage or other large debts, then having a 4th is fine.
It’s an economical decision above all else.

No. I think you have three healthy children. That’s amazing. I think just enjoy it. I have two and wanted a third. I’m now glad I didn’t. It isn’t just about money and space, but being emotionally and physically well for them too

Yes! I feel like it’s impossible to predict what life will be like in a few years, never mind decades.

Strongly suspect the usual blueprint of school, uni, get a job, buy a house, etc. won’t be the same when mine are grown up.

You are in a similar situation to us, albeit I was slightly older. We went for number 4 and got twins!

I wouldn’t change a thing now but it was a shock.

if you’re prepared for that and other potential risks, have at it! 😂

That would have been great, but I had my first at 33, so no real luxury of time for bigger gaps!

Didn’t plan for four until eldest was born and changed everything really

Go for it

Not everyone chooses to go to university