Returning to work after mat leave feeling unwanted

[Working95]

Hello

I am on maternity leave due to return Mid-May. The first two weeks of May are annual leave.

When I return, I have requested to reduce my hours. And have my working from home days written into my contract. I used to work two days per week from home 2 years before pregnancy. I also requested to extend my maternity leave.

I submitted my flexible work application Mid December. I was told instantly it was accepted and that a contract would follow early January as the service would close over Christmas. Early January I had a chat with my manager who confirmed again that it had been agreed and he would make enquiries to get a new contract to me.

Since then, I have received nothing. I have chased every few weeks to be told that he is waiting on xyz from finance manager. After months of this, I contacted Finance manager a few weeks go who said they were unaware of any changes and havent been asked to provide anything.

I dont want to be this person but I am feeling anxious at returning from a long period away (first baby) and I have so much guilt about returning and putting baby into nursery (nothing to do with employer i get thats my responsibility) but this is making it seem unpleasant. Like I am not wanted back or not a priority.

I am the HR director so have told them multiple times that they have 2 months to respond and give an outcome to a flexible work request and that they are currently in breach of this policy. My replacement seems unbothered by this and keeps telling me "but its been agreeed". I just dont understand how its 5 months later and they are unable to document it.

What would you do? I have drafted an email to say I wont be working anymore keeping in touch days until it is sorted out. I also said that given I am in a no pay period I trust it is going to be processed accordingly or I will take it further.

Dh, dm and friends thinks i am making something out of nothing but it feels off and I wouldnt allow this to happen to someone if I were there.

Thank you

The kit days comment was immature. I havent sent that email. It is in my drafts. I needed to vent and then reflect. On reflection I wont send it. I have set up all my kit days and been flooding with work they need doing when I am there. So part of me was thinking "you can sort it for once!".
I dont know if I will do anymore before I return, not being awkward or anything, nothing has been agreed and I have things planned.

I would want you to highlight the breach of policy in a sensible and proportionate manner. Not go off on one with random scaremongering about constructive dismissal.

Thank you all for your comments and advice.
I will email them tomorrow with my understanding of new terms and leave it there
I feel so much guilt at returning and yes a little anxious having been away so long. Although they should have sent my agreement by now, I think I have been getting emotional because of how I have been feeling about returning.
Thank you

Again, I would only do that depending on the employee and situation. I wouldnt just say that with no other information.
For example, I'd maybe say about constructive dismissal if this employee had been in touch recently about being treated differently (with proof) or if they had concerns about bullying. Oh I dont know but it wouldnt be isolated for me to say that.
So can you stop going on about it?

If you’ve got it in writing then that’s that. I would try not to worry about it anymore OP, they’ve confirmed in writing that your changes are approved so there’s no reason to think they haven’t been.

Not dramatic at all. I felt very much out of sight out of mind when on mat leave and had to chase to confirm my flexi working request was signed off. Once I was back (I did a phased return) the pressure to be up at 110% was unreal without a proper welcome back here’s whats changed in the year - quite significant changes!

My proposed changed is what I completed so it has come from me, not them.
But hes they've agreed in email and I will send an email summarising my terms so thats that.

If that is your goal... honestly good advice: stop now and quit while you're ahead.

You have

• reduced hours
• hybrid working
• reasonable to good pay

Your title is bizarre you feel you are "not wanted" on what basis?
They have given you everything you asked for.
the set up you have been offered is everything most working mothers would want / dream of.
I had no choice but quit my job or stay doing FT 4 days pw in person.

You were the one who brought it into the conversation in the first place when you suggested that an administrative delay could be read as creating a hostile environment and the potential for a constructive dismissal claim. Yes, you've backtracked a bit on that since, but people will inevitably respond to what you have posted.

Anyway, it sounds like you now have a plan, so will leave you to get on with it.

I feel so much guilt at returning

Why? Does baby’s dad feel guilty for working? I’ve never worked part time and never felt guilty for it. You’re already taking a potentially massive career/earnings/pension hit by going part time.

Like I am not wanted back or not a priority.

You're not a priority. Life has gone on while you've been gone for months (a year?), you're not due back until mid-May, you're scaling back your hours and committing less time to them, you're in a support function anyway - no, you're not a priority. Not wrong or right, it is what it is to both parties. But ultimately you're making it clear they're not a priority to you and you should be clear in your mind that you're not a priority to them.

I used to get this all the time with divisions which supported the main revenue-generating business. Yes, your job is important to your because it pays your bills and may be a career for you, you may enjoy it and there may be really interesting stuff going on for your professionally. Some support functions can be a whole ecosystem unto themselves. But to the people who make the money, you're an expense. The best ones always have the business front and center, help revenue continue to flow, understand that they are there to keep the ship steady. help the business focus on their jobs by dealing with the things they're tasked with doing and doing it well. Right now, you're not a priority.

As for taking to Mumsnet for help on how to deal with your HR situation when you're head of HR....

Fair enough OP, but I think you’re taking out your anxiety about returning to work generally on this specific situation.

You know they’ve agreed and approved your request so I don’t really understand what you’re so worried about? That they’ll go back on it and claim it wasn’t approved?

Paying someone else to look after our baby. I dont know, it doesnt sit right.
If I didnt work, things would be tight but we could potentially manage.
I wanted to return to work to earn my own money (yes I know family money and all but I want to earn), to keep my job as its flexible and I earn well (i didnt want to take a break and then maybe struggle returning to the same level).
So I feel very selfish.

I dont need to ask mumsnet for HR advice. I posted as I felt really angry about the situation so wanted to vent. This has helped somewhat.

I know deep down I'm not a priority but I've been the one to arrange keeping in touch days and my manager has never picked up the phone or emailed to ask how I am doing.

Yes maybe I am being a bit over the top because of how I am feeling.

They should have issued it by now but I think I am getting emotional because of my feelings around returning.

Both of you need your baby looked after though, and again, I bet your partner is losing zero sleep over paying for it. I bet they didn’t even consider reducing their hours, did they?

I honestly believe this “mum guilt” is driven by unreasonable expectations on women who can’t ever get it right. So I actively reject that. At a year old there shouldn’t be anything about your child’s care that can’t be undertaken by another responsible adult.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all OP. I return to work this month and it’s an emotional/ stressful situation as it is for new mums returning and it’s absolutely made a difference to me having a supportive and efficient manager. Also childcare is expensive and a lot of nurseries need to know what days you definitely require before confirming places, so this would have been a big issue for me.
They sound extremely disorganised, I work in payroll and I know you’ve mentioned payroll thought you were returning to work when you’ve extended your leave, this would have created an overpayment in my place of work which is again a massive pain for all involved and again, stress you don’t need! Hope you get it sorted.
I think it’s very interesting Mumsnet is supposed to be a place of support to mums and no doubt most posters are all on favour of flexible working legislations but don’t seem to mind it not being upheld properly.

Yes that's what puzzling me. I am happy being told maybe I'm being emotional and certain things are immature like withholding kit days but my company aren't adhering to the policy. I find it strange that I'm told I'm being a pain the arse for expecting that.
Luckily I wasnt overpaid but would have been if I didnt email payroll to ensure they were aware of all changes.

As a HRD you know they must confirm their decision in writing within the correct timeframe, but if your place is generally trustworthy then there is no reason to believe they will go back on their verbal confirmation. However, so you have some peace of mind, why don't you summarise the agreement and email it to them asking them to correct you've misunderstand what they verbally confirmed. Then you have it on record. At least when you get back, you can correct the tardiness! I'd be horrified if my team were taking that long to action an outcome to a flexible working request!

Yes I am going to do this tomorrow. Thank you

Astonishing that you’re the HR director, and this never even entered your head.

It did but thought it would come across as passive. Plus I havent been at "work" in a year so I am not thinking the same.
Move on if you have nothing useful to say.

@Working95 I found that response very rude! I'm a HRD and often, I'm rubbish at my own personal HR but great at resolving things for the managers and employees that I look after! You are totally fine brainstorming how you want to handle things especially as you say you haven't been in the work environment for a while.

I'd expect a HR director to know that this doesn't constitute a "hostile working environment," that there is zero chance that it would ever lead to a successful constructive dismissal claim, and that you don't need a written document titled "contract" to have contract terms in place.

Thank you. Yes its funny because with other people its very technical and process driven etc but with yourself then there is added emotion. Obviously I've bad to separate emotion when there has been difficult or sensitive cases but its completely different when it's your own!
I can be very emotional so sometimes I have had to make sure i step back and think before acting. So mumsnet is good for that..... sometimes 😂😊

Also I have already apologised but months ago I was accused of not being a HRD due to grammar/spelling. I am typing on phone with one hand at the moment, sleeping baby in other arms. Grammar isnt my strongest point but when I email in work its different and im in a very different mindset (ie this has to be right, double checking everything).