AIBU for letting my daughter see a friend without the third girl?

[Summerisnear1]

My DD is in secondary school now but still maintains contact with 2 girls she was in primary with. All love local to one another ( 20 minute radius )
girl 1 let’s call her Maria is not allowed to anyone else’s house, is not allowed anywhere without her mum. This include if other parents are present.
Maria’s mum always wants DD and “ Lucy “ to do their hour often messaging last minute to almost demand the girls come for the day as Maria is bored.
the other 2 girls like to go to different places, usually this supervised unless very local like the local cinema etc
recently there was a show on and my DD and Lucy wanted to go so I took them. This caused serious distress and upset to Maria and then spiralled to an upset mum.
Maria has a YouTube channel ( my DD does not ) but can see her YouTube channel where Maria describes as her “ fans”
she posted multiple videos about my DD and Lucy full naming them called them backstabbed, traitors and needed punishment.
I contacted Maria’s mum and explained the situation and she was explained that Maria was devastated that they would prefer to be with eachother than come to visit Maria.

I don’t want DD cooped up in Maria’s room every weekend and I don’t believe I should stop DD and Lucy socialising without Maria
AIBU ?

Maria's mum is weird

I think your DD’s friendship with Maria is over, I wouldn’t be encouraging the friendship. I would also take steps to have the YouTube video removed - I’d go as far as contacting her Mum in writing and ask that it be removed or you’ll be taking further action (whatever that may be, I don’t know).

If Maria has fully named your daughter and says they need to be punished, that is a serious threat, especially that you have no idea who or how many others have viewed the video. I think I’d be asking the police for advice.

I would say to your DD she’s not allowed to see Maria any more tbh and cut ties completely.

Maria’s mum is certainly going about the right way of ensuring Maria has no friends. And I wouldn’t be encouraging my daughter to see someone who’s slagging her off all over the internet. Does your DD even want to see Maria again? I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t.

This
I would slowly migrate away from them as the other 2 girls are best off without her and I’d be reporting this abuse to YouTube aswell - that is not acceptable
you’re right the girls need to be out and about not stuck inside

I would be subtly discouraging the friendship with Maria.

I would just be blunt with Maria's mother. The other girls liked Maria but they didn't like her mother's overly restrictive rules and they didn't want to be bound by them. You have reassured the girls that they did nothing wrong by going to the cinema without Maria, given her mother's prohibition on her going anywhere, and you have made it clear to them that her behaviour with the YouTube video was utterly unacceptable. In light of said behaviour, you will be strongly discouraging your dc from pursuing any friendship with Maria from now on, as her actions are not those of a good friend. You trust that Maria's mother will ensure that the video is removed, and that you will not need to take further action on this.

Oh as if. No normal human would think this is normal. You’re as weird if this is genuine and need to ask others’ opinion.

Yeah, I'd say exactly what @MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack said and you need to report those videos and get them taken down.

Well I think this is an odd situation for secondary school girls. I was going to say you need to just ditch Maria from the group, but thinking about it further, I don’t know why your DD and Lucy wouldn’t want to do that anyway because of the videos about them.

Don’t make this be your problem - the girls are in secondary school and need to learn to sort it out themselves. If that means excluding Maria because her weird mum won’t let her do things, then that’s the way it is and only her mum can do something about that.

I would ask Maria’s mother if she ever watched Carrie

Forget about the trip without Maria for a second. Your daughter has been named fully online in a video, you need to demand it be taken down immediately. This to me is the scariest part not the fall out. Also what a strange woman Maria's mother is that she wont allow her to go to friends houses but allows her daughter to video and upload it online for any weirdo to see.

I'd be telling Maria's mother that the reason her child has been left out is because of how she (Maria's mother) acts and that she needs to rethink the impact her overprotectiveness has on her child and to make her daughter take the video down.

I do feel a bit sorry for Maria, she's not been allowed to develop the correct social or emotional regulation skills required to be able to accept that just because your DD and Lucy hung out together separately doesn't mean they don't wish to be her friend anymore. However she has gone too far with the YouTube videos and I'd not be encouraging my DD to remain friends with her.

I wouldn't 'subtly' cut friendships ties with Maria, the friendship would have come to an abrupt end as soon as that video was posted. She has threatened your DD on social media and named her, inviting strangers to turn against her and infact inflict violence on her. I'm surprised you're still worried about her being cooped up in Maria's room. She wouldn't be going anywhere near Maria and I'd be making a police report as well as reporting it all to the school so they know what's going on.

It's quite shocking that Maria isn't allowed out without a parental chaperone but has free rein to make cyberbullying videos on the internet!

Report the videos.

Tell Mother Dearest that Maria was not excluded by the girls. Her mother excluded her. And now look what happened.

This is what I’m toiling with
I requested the video was removed immediately and it was. She says she was just very upset at the time. I am stuck with my opinion on Maria because I feel for her and the girls have been close friends for years but as they are getting older the rules are just not helping and this recent even with the YouTube.
I’m assuming she was acting out because she is so restricted.
there has never been any prior incidents.
I respect parents decisions on what they allow their children to do but it’s becoming restrictive and causing Maria to clearly act out.
I have spoken to DD and she really doesn’t want to stop talking to Maria ( they both like her very much ) but I have told her I won’t tolerate the behavior displayedz.

THIS ! I have asked DD about this as she doesn’t have tik tok or anything like that but thr YouTube channel is the only thing she does have.
she says that her older brother ( much older mid 20 s ) is who makes the rules. He decides where and who she can go with and what she can access.
I have met the mum many times as they went through primary school with eachother.
she is lovely very religious and we have some language barriers to which I’m sure her messages come across not quite how they are meant to.

Not allowed to the cinema but allowed free rein on YouTube? Then to not even apologise for her daughters behaviour? Ridiculous.

I'd tell her that just because Maria isnt allowed out - thats not the girls problem and that it's not fair to expect them to all sit in Marias bedroom.

I would cut all ties with Maria and Marias nutcase mother. If theres a 20 year old brother at home telling Maria and her Mum what they can do and who they can see - this would be an even bigger red flag.

I dont know why you are involved at all I would tell your daughter she can be friends with who she wants and leave it at that

It's very common for primary school friendships to fade a year or two into secondary school. That's totally normal, even without the batshit YouTube stuff. Let it fade, the other girl's friendships are no longer your problem.

The older brother sounds controlling and I would not let my daughter be going round there

Time to cut strings with Maria sadly. It’s not her fault but your child can’t be made to accommodate someone else’s rules

Maria needs help imo. I doubt very much she put those videos up by herself. The mother sounds totally off her rocker. I had a friend whose mother was similar to this but not as intense. Her daughter got away from her as soon as she could but then struggled with her freedom. Totally changed personality and made some stupid life choices.

I would say the mother or brother were behind the videos. Maria sounds controlled to the point of abuse.

Is this older brother present when your daughter goes round? I think you're entitled to ban your daughter from Maria's house due to her and mother's behaviour anyway but add in the creepy brother and its totaly justified and probably needed.

Even if it upsets your daughter, I'd be limiting contact with Maria and definitely stop her going to the house.

The family sounds nuts! Surely you would protect a child from this?
I say this as someone who generally has the same attitude as you but this is a special case that warrants parental involvement.