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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he lying?

43 replies

Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 22:58

This might be strange but somethin sit right. Last year, when I was pregnant, I still lived in my own house. Me and dp had planned for ages for me to move in with him but I lived way closer to my work, family, friends and my house needed some work before selling. Anyway, I did move in April (at 8 months pregnant).

My family wanted to visit and they came over weeks before I gave birth. My dp was cooking for everyone and asked if I could pop out to his car for something. When I did, I noticied his car was all bashed at the side, like he had been bumped by a car.

I thought it was so strange he hadn't mentioned it. When we lived apart we spoke about everything... ie what have you had for lunch, I'm watching this on TV, what did u have for dinner, you get the drift. So I guessed maybe he hadn't seen it.

I went back inside and said that his car was all bumped and just letting him know. He got annoyed straight away, telling me he didn't wan't to talk about it. My mum then called me so convo ended. The next day, I asked what happened and when. He said a van reversed into his car in the supermarket car park and rhat it happened weeks before I moved in. I asked why he never said, again, getting annoyed, he said I am heavily pregnant and had enough on my plate. I said it was weird he didnt say and he said "what would you have done? Im pissed off with the damage and didnt want to talk about it".

A few months later, we were getting into his car, I totally forgot about it all as I have the baby car sear in my car and we dont use his car much as it would mean moving baby seat. I saw bumps and asked what he was going to do, go via insurance, police, etc.

He again got annoyed, said he didnt wsnt to talk about it and me bringing it up was annoying him. The next day I asked what the issue is, I said based on his reaction its as if something more has happened. He got annoyed. He then said he has logged police report and they are taking ages getting back to him. He said he hates the police as they've never helped him (he was attacked as a teen and nothing happened and burgled ten years ago and nothing happened). Ive stopped asking as I usually forget but is it me or is this weird? He said if I really dont believe him he can show me the police reference number. I obv dont want him to prove it but dont understand why he is being cagey.

What do u think?

Thanks

OP posts:
24Dogcuddler · 06/04/2026 23:07

I’m pretty sure the Police don’t get involved in a bump on a Supermarket car park if nobody is hurt.
You should be able to ask questions or bring up a subject without him getting annoyed.
It’s not healthy for you or your baby if he’s getting angry over seemingly minor issues.

Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:10

Apparently police involved as person was uninsured??

OP posts:
YellowTulip555 · 06/04/2026 23:17

I smell a rat I think! Why be so cagey about it? Maybe it was his fault?

Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:18

Thats what I can't work out. If he isnt telling the truth, what the hell could the lie be?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:20

I'm going to ask him tonight if he ever chased the police for not getting back to him. See what he says!

OP posts:
VimtoDemon · 06/04/2026 23:21

Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:18

Thats what I can't work out. If he isnt telling the truth, what the hell could the lie be?!

Jealous ex with a lump hammer?

Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:23

No, we've been together for years and she is way out the picture. They've not been in contact.

OP posts:
Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:24

Surely if he crashed into someone, he would just say, wouldn't he?

OP posts:
MinglyMadly · 06/04/2026 23:28

His annoyance is a symptom of something and your intuition is picking up on it. That's not a not a normal response.

Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:29

Im going to ask whatever happened with chasing police. Will update.....

OP posts:
Overcookedch · 06/04/2026 23:30

Yup he’s lying and I’d have asked him to show me the police report

Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:32

But then why would he get annoyed, surely thats making it obvious its a lie? Maybe he is just annoyed with the whole thing

OP posts:
TeacheeTeacherson · 06/04/2026 23:36

I got hit by an uninsured driver and my insurance company told me I had to make a police report for my claim. Police were useless, got a letter saying it would take 6 months to investigate, then another letter 6 months later saying they couldn’t identify the driver (I gave them his name and mobile number, car reg, make and model…). So he could have been asked to make a police report even for something minor, but his behaviour is weird.

ILoveDaffodills · 06/04/2026 23:44

Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:32

But then why would he get annoyed, surely thats making it obvious its a lie? Maybe he is just annoyed with the whole thing

Someone reversed out of a space & right into the side of my car in a carpark. The CCTV didn't show their number plate chest (it was in the evening) so the insurance company was useless and despite it being illegal to leave the scene of an accident & not report it, the police weren't interested enough to get the CCTV & see if they could enhance the image.

I was well pissed off & frankly someone going on about it would have annoyed me too. He was probably just being considerate trying not to bother you with it (you were pregnant & sorting your house out/moving) & it's his car, he's dealing with it, mithering him is not helping.

Sunshine1500 · 06/04/2026 23:49

Is this something that happened last April??
it’s his car you don’t need to be involved.

Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:53

Sunshine1500 · 06/04/2026 23:49

Is this something that happened last April??
it’s his car you don’t need to be involved.

Or march, i dont know when it really happened. Im thinking march time last year. I dont wsnt to go on abot it. His reaction it making it weird.

OP posts:
nochance17 · 06/04/2026 23:53

As others have said the police would not be interested in a bump in a supermarket car park. Has he annoyed someone or got himself into some bother and they have bashed his car in ? What sort of company does he keep ? Could it be drugs/ does he owe money to someone/a woman scorned etc If he says someone went into him, has he reported it to his insurer to get the damage repaired via them ? If he was hit by an uninsured driver his insurer would still deal with the repairs. The fact that he has left it for months is suspicious. Getting angry when you question him is a red flag.

Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 06/04/2026 23:58

nochance17 · 06/04/2026 23:53

As others have said the police would not be interested in a bump in a supermarket car park. Has he annoyed someone or got himself into some bother and they have bashed his car in ? What sort of company does he keep ? Could it be drugs/ does he owe money to someone/a woman scorned etc If he says someone went into him, has he reported it to his insurer to get the damage repaired via them ? If he was hit by an uninsured driver his insurer would still deal with the repairs. The fact that he has left it for months is suspicious. Getting angry when you question him is a red flag.

He was hit but driver drove away but he got registration plate.
No, he literally doesn't leave the house lol he used to pop out to the supermarket or see his sister (like every few months!) But thats it. Since moving in and with our little one we just get a teaco delivery every week now. He sometimes pops out for a haircut but he is quick. His friends are mostly down south. He doesnt leave house much as he doesnt have many friends up here. Woman scorned.. he doesnt ever go out. Drugs/alcohol. No he is not that person. Honestly. He does drink v.occassional. since pregnancy and birth he rarely drinks now. Its very strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 07/04/2026 00:00

We also share one baby seat. We rarely use his car but when we do, he will move it back to my car or offer me to use his car instead as im on the insurance so if he was in bother and someone done that to.his car, I doubt he would offer me to use it

OP posts:
RawBloomers · 07/04/2026 00:35

Sounds like he's just pissed off about it and doesn't want to have to explain why. So maybe he's lying and it was him messing around with mates or something. His explanation is fairly plausible, though. If what he says is true he may not be aware but her should be able to claim for the damage from the Motor Insurance Bureau. Not sure how you let him know if he's so touchy, though.

RawBloomers · 07/04/2026 00:37

nochance17 · 06/04/2026 23:53

As others have said the police would not be interested in a bump in a supermarket car park. Has he annoyed someone or got himself into some bother and they have bashed his car in ? What sort of company does he keep ? Could it be drugs/ does he owe money to someone/a woman scorned etc If he says someone went into him, has he reported it to his insurer to get the damage repaired via them ? If he was hit by an uninsured driver his insurer would still deal with the repairs. The fact that he has left it for months is suspicious. Getting angry when you question him is a red flag.

Police aren't interested in a regular bump, but fleeing the scene and being uninsured should interest them.

Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 07/04/2026 01:21

Decided not to ask tonight. Its late, he is enjoying watching the space rocket thing on YouTube and doing bits of work for a meeting tomorrow.

I guess I want him to know he never has to lie but that'll get his back up if he thinks he is being accused. But also, I'm not sure why he would update me further. He used to text all the time about mundane things but in real life, face to face, altho he is chatty its not really pointless chat. Part of me thinks he maybe engaged in such chat because we lived apart and he was making the effort. He is the same with work, I need to push him for anything more than "work was fine". Fine?! What else happened? Any boring meetings, anyone annoyed you, heard any good chat etc. Maybe ifs because I am on maternity leave lol

OP posts:
Aluna · 07/04/2026 02:15

It’s likely him that’s not insured.

Original poster
Deadpoetsociety · 07/04/2026 08:53

Aluna · 07/04/2026 02:15

It’s likely him that’s not insured.

No he is as I am insured on his car. He has given me all details incase I need them. He did this ages ago

OP posts:
Haveyouanyjam · 07/04/2026 10:00

Honestly someone driving into your car and driving off is really stressful and annoying and I’m not sure why it needs to be discussed if he’s said it gets to him and he would rather not talk about it? He’s told you what happened.

Someone drove into our parked car and drove off and wrote it off and it was stressful and annoying and years down the line we still haven’t gotten our excess back. He was insured but waited a year to dispute even though there were witnesses that saw him drive into our unoccupied car and gave statements.

Maybe he just finds the whole thing really stressful and doesn’t want to keep talking about it as it won’t actually change anything and wants you to respect that?

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