Is he lying?

[Deadpoetsociety]

This might be strange but somethin sit right. Last year, when I was pregnant, I still lived in my own house. Me and dp had planned for ages for me to move in with him but I lived way closer to my work, family, friends and my house needed some work before selling. Anyway, I did move in April (at 8 months pregnant).

My family wanted to visit and they came over weeks before I gave birth. My dp was cooking for everyone and asked if I could pop out to his car for something. When I did, I noticied his car was all bashed at the side, like he had been bumped by a car.

I thought it was so strange he hadn't mentioned it. When we lived apart we spoke about everything... ie what have you had for lunch, I'm watching this on TV, what did u have for dinner, you get the drift. So I guessed maybe he hadn't seen it.

I went back inside and said that his car was all bumped and just letting him know. He got annoyed straight away, telling me he didn't wan't to talk about it. My mum then called me so convo ended. The next day, I asked what happened and when. He said a van reversed into his car in the supermarket car park and rhat it happened weeks before I moved in. I asked why he never said, again, getting annoyed, he said I am heavily pregnant and had enough on my plate. I said it was weird he didnt say and he said "what would you have done? Im pissed off with the damage and didnt want to talk about it".

A few months later, we were getting into his car, I totally forgot about it all as I have the baby car sear in my car and we dont use his car much as it would mean moving baby seat. I saw bumps and asked what he was going to do, go via insurance, police, etc.

He again got annoyed, said he didnt wsnt to talk about it and me bringing it up was annoying him. The next day I asked what the issue is, I said based on his reaction its as if something more has happened. He got annoyed. He then said he has logged police report and they are taking ages getting back to him. He said he hates the police as they've never helped him (he was attacked as a teen and nothing happened and burgled ten years ago and nothing happened). Ive stopped asking as I usually forget but is it me or is this weird? He said if I really dont believe him he can show me the police reference number. I obv dont want him to prove it but dont understand why he is being cagey.

What do u think?

Thanks

Maybe he hit and run….

Has he renewed his policy though? Have you checked if it’s up to date?

Yes he renewed it recently and gave me the updated details as he changed insurers.

Its weird isnt it

I'm not sure why it matters all that much? My car got hit in a car park and I was gutted as my car is pristine. I didn't much want to talk about it to anybody. I did choose to get it fixed privately as I don't know who hit it. Maybe he also needs to get it fixed privately and doesn't have the funds given you have a new baby? How would discussing it help?

OP at the risk of sounding harsh - you run the risk of him interpreting you asking as not trusting him. If I felt a partner didn’t trust me I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them.
Whats not plausible about him not telling you at the time? Maybe he parked badly and felt stupid and actually didn’t want to stress you as he said. That’s plausible to me

Maybe but I could help with the cost.

@Deadpoetsociety Are you bored? You def need to get a hobby instead of pestering your dp. Honestly I wouldn't ask anything about DH getting a bump- his car he'll deal with it. If he needs help or wants to talk about it he knows where to find me.

My car was damaged in a supermarket car park, police won't get involved as it's private property. And you can't change insurers if you have a current claim going through. Something not right about what your partner is saying.

I thought this.

Were you or the other driver uninsured? Police don't care about assigning blame for a crash on private property or dinging people for poor driving, but an uninsured driver is a different matter (as is drink driving).

If he was the victim, he’d have mentioned it to you. I just don’t buy the idea that a bloke would have his car damaged so badly and not mention it or be keen to get the person who did it to pay to sort the damage. He’s supposedly furious to be a victim yet has rolled over and let the damage remain this long, without involving insurers? So yes, I think your instincts are right and he’s damaged his car through his own actions and made off OR he’s not insured at all. If It’s a hit and run - which it seems to be - and you have the date and where he was you can call your local station and ask them to check if they had any poor sod call them to tell them someone had hit their car and driven off on that date. Or, check he’s insured. Sorry if you’ve done that and I’ve missed it but I’ve had some wine! It’s either that or accept that he’s not telling the truth and won’t do so voluntarily.

Tbh i think youre making a massive deal of the car.

Someone bumped his car. Legally crashes are supposed to be reported to police if there are injuries or someone refuses to give details (its a hit and run)

And tbh - you were heavily pregnant. Seems reasonable not to have worried you at the time. Seems reasonable the situation would have irritated him. And a year one youre playing Sherlock Holmes about it, hes not the one behaving oddly.

I think youre reading too much into this

Maybe the accident was his fault, he didn't tell you because he was embarrassed and now he's stuck with the lie but feels uncomfortable lying so gets defensive every time you bring it up.

You do seem to be quite anxious about the whole situation though. Has he lied to you before about something significant?

I think youre making too much of this. It sounds like he's annoyed by the hassle and expense of the accident which is understandable.

Give the guy a break. He’s cheesed off that his car got damaged and now you’re making it into a big deal (can he afford to get it fixed?).

So this was a year ago? Is the car fixed? Has he only just reported it to the police? Not sure why this is a big deal now

I think you've made a big deal out of this.

I think he likely didn't mention it as it was actually his fault. He's embarrassed about it. He feels silly for making a mistake and probably costing him / you both money at a time you had a baby arriving etc and decided not to stress you out with it.

Maybe he didn't leave his details or maybe he did and paid them privately for any damage and thus didn't want to pay out a second time for his car.

Either way, does it matter? It was a year ago!

Unless there is some history that this odd behaviour is frequent or you suspect him of something wider, just move on?

My exDH did exactly the same thing years ago. Years later in counselling it came out that he routinely told stupid lies because he couldn’t stand the thought of ever being criticised or even thought of critically. He admitted that he’d reversed into a post in the supermarket. I really didn’t understand why he did that because I’m very laid back and not a nag. I’d have just shrugged and said “Oh dear, it’s just one of those things”. It was like he could never be seen to do any wrong, ever.