WWYD: Stay in London in an area I don’t feel safe in, or move out for quality of life?
Looking for some perspective as I feel quite torn.
Currently living in London in an area we could afford, but it’s not somewhere I enjoy living. Realistically, our max budget only gets us a small 1–2 bed here, and the surrounding area feels quite rough. There are frequent stabbings reported locally, open drug dealing isn’t uncommon, and I often feel on edge walking around or using public transport (crowded buses, quite aggressive/rude atmosphere at times).
I grew up in a similar kind of area and always assumed I’d “move on” from that as an adult, so I’m struggling with the idea of raising my daughter in the same sort of environment.
Day-to-day life also just feels quite bleak. There’s very little in our immediate area — one coffee shop, one half-decent restaurant — and we usually have to travel elsewhere to do anything nice at weekends. We live next to an ugly retail park, a big busy road, and there’s no real green space nearby. I’ve found maternity leave quite isolating as a result, as I’ve had to get on public transport just to get somewhere pleasant.
We’re considering moving to Tunbridge Wells (or nearby) where our budget would go much further — likely a 3-bed house with a garden, access to green space, nicer high street, and a generally calmer environment. It felt very different when we visited — people seemed more relaxed and friendly (even small things like people smiling at my baby, which almost never happens where I am now).
Financially, it also feels like better value. I worked hard for years to save our deposit with no help from family, and I do sometimes find myself thinking… is this really it?
Other factors:
- No real family support where we are currently, so we wouldn’t be losing that
- Commute would be manageable (not every day)
- Partner currently earns less but is doing a degree and aiming to move into a higher-paid role — so timing would need to align with that
The main thing holding me back is that I’ve made some genuinely lovely friends during maternity leave who I’d be sad to leave. Also, I grew up in London so feel sad to be further from family. I feel TW is a good compromise tho as fairly easy still to get to them - essentially the same time driving.
When I’ve discussed moving with friends, most have discouraged it — but I’m conscious they’re coming from a very different context (living in much leafier, expensive parts of London), which doesn’t really reflect our day-to-day experience.
I suppose my questions are:
- WWYD in this situation?
- Is it worth leaving a social circle for a better daily environment?
- How easy is it to build a new network in places like Tunbridge Wells with a baby?
- And am I over-romanticising life outside London?
Would really appreciate honest views, especially from anyone who’s made a similar move.
Yabu - stay in London
yanbu - move to tw