AIBU to think calling children beautiful is OK?

[MagicalBagPuss]

I was with my stepson who is a qualified primary teacher and is also autistic. Some small children passed us and I said "aren't children beautiful". I think that they are, especially when they still have some innocence and are interested in and questioning things, eager to learn. He immediately jumped on me and said that I shouldn't say such things about children. He sees such comments as perverse and potentially dangerous to children. Full stop, regardless of who's making them or any context. He said that he'd studied children which of course he had for his teaching degree, and that nobody should call them beautiful.
Who do you think is being unreasonable here?

I don't think i would call other people's children beautiful, I do say my own are.

I would be more inclined to say adorable or similar about other people's kids.

I can't say I have a rational explanation for it, beautiful just seems a bit more personal for some reason and it wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable if someone said one of my kids was beautiful.

He obviously feels he has his reasons for his stance, and you think it's fine, so neither are being unreasonable, you just have different views.

Uh, he's being the weird one here. How is it perverse?

Depends on what you mean by 'beautiful' really.

He's a strange person.

He is being very weird. Of course you can say children are beautiful.

He’s completely mental. All children should have someone in their life who believes they are beautiful and tells them so.

If you're commenting on their looks then it is a bit weird. If you're using "beautiful" in a more general and poetic sense then I wholeheartedly agree. I wouldn't say it aloud though, in case my listener thought I was commenting on a child's appearance. I would be more inclined to say "childhood is beautiful" or "watching children play is so joyful, isn't it?'

I don't think it's wrong, but it's an irrelevant and meaningless observation.

Also, aside from beauty being in the eye of the beholder, children don't have any control over their appearance. So saying child A is beautiful is wholly unreasonable to child B who might have heard you say that and not include them.

I would have asked him to explain how it's peverse and damaging.

I would ask ask him to quote the actually sources rather the "I did a degree" shit.

That might be the safeguarding training his had coupled with the fact of asd black and white thinking, rather then the context you made the remark.

He thinks comments like this are perverse? That makes no sense.

I would actually worry about him being a teacher when he has clearly drawn such a wrong conclusion from his studies and he has such rigid thinking he can’t understand context. Maybe there was something in his course about teachers not describing one child as beautiful in front of other children and he has understood that as an absolute rule in all situations. But if he is this inflexible and context free in his thinking, I don’t think he should work with kids.

I would then say they are eager to learn, enthusiastic and innocent, because this is what you mean.

If someone said to me "aren't children beautiful?" I would think they are talking about aesthetically.

When you tell children they are beautiful, I think they also will think it is their appearance also. I try and focus on another attribute if I am handing out compliments.

This

Beautiful feels like it is more often associated with describing adult women. So in turn I guess a man might be more inclined to think 'beautiful= sexually appealing'. That may be why he had that reaction?

I think if a woman said it it would seem fine, but if a man did it could seem slightly pervy potentially.

I’d be a little bit concerned really, that his mind immediately jumped to it being ‘perverse’, when it’s clearly a very innocent sentiment and comment.
Of course it may be more a case that with his asd, he’s struggling with nuance!

You said something nice and the DC didn't even hear you? It's a bit sad that he thinks this is inappropriate. Of course they're beautiful.

His reaction is strange.

i will admit that i appreciate our family tend to focus on complimenting the children on qualities rather than appearance, at least to their faces. When the children aren’t around, the grandparents and aunts and uncles feel unrestrained in the appearance compliments they report to the parents.

Did he mean perverted?

Well I heard my teacher friend isn’t allowed to use the word naughty anymore so 🤷🏼‍♀️

Or clever….

Did you ask him why?

Nice ableism

He's ND not "mental"

Calling someone beautiful is usually understood to refer to their physical appearance, rather than their love of questioning and eagerness to learn. Your DSS was probably thinking about his safeguarding training, but he’s gone a bit OTT.