AIBU to think calling children beautiful is OK?

[MagicalBagPuss]

I was with my stepson who is a qualified primary teacher and is also autistic. Some small children passed us and I said "aren't children beautiful". I think that they are, especially when they still have some innocence and are interested in and questioning things, eager to learn. He immediately jumped on me and said that I shouldn't say such things about children. He sees such comments as perverse and potentially dangerous to children. Full stop, regardless of who's making them or any context. He said that he'd studied children which of course he had for his teaching degree, and that nobody should call them beautiful.
Who do you think is being unreasonable here?

I suspect the word was "pervy"…

I kind of see his point. In recent years people are using "beautiful" a lot as a vague positive word (regardless of the baby/child/adult's attractiveness) and I don't like it.

I'm not keen on it being synonymous with adorable or sweet etc. It;s too visual and we already live in a world where we're judged on our looks the whole time.

I may be biased as I'm fairly attractive, or was, I'm 50 now, and I hate being called beautiful because it's totally random and nothing to do with me as a person. Makes me feel they don't actually see me.

Also - side issue - from men I've come to realise it often translates as "I want to use you for sex" :(

He sounds like a strange man.

It's not like you shouted after the children, "Oy! You're all so beautiful" 🙄

I'm presuming you meant it in the same way as you might say "aren't meadows beautiful" or "isn't Yorkshire pudding just wonderful" (as in 'general appreciation' , not lasciviously and rubbing your thighs like Vic Reeves).
In which case, you are not saying anything strange or out of order.

It is completely mental to think children should not be called beautiful and I apply that to everyone on this thread who thinks you should not tell children they are beautiful.

Its really bloody sad too. The poster who says the GPs won’t tell the children to their face they are beautiful but only says it when they are out of earshot. Heartbreaking. Children will note the absence of this and it will affect them. As I said upthread. Every child should have someone in their life who thinks they are beautiful and tells them so.

this exactly

I think it’s an odd thing for you to say, but his reaction is also OTT. One of my DDs is stunningly beautiful. She was a beautiful baby, child, teen and now an adult. I used to say she was beautiful at times, and she hated it - she said it was because it was something she had no control of, and nor was it an achievement of hers; it had nothing to do with her at all.

I was also wondering if your DSS is thinking about psychological stuff - so it is better to praise children for effort, kindness etc rather than their looks which are simply down to the luck or genetics.

As PP said, probably also a bit of autistic black
and whiteness .

I think it comes from not focusing on female beauty; that is definitely something childcare professionals are told not to push on to girls...maybe it's related to that. Teaching practice is that praise should recognise qualities that children can control, improve etc.....behaviours for example

I have called other people's children beautiful before and they and their parent/s were always very appreciative. I think its ok as long as it is said in the right context.

I called a girl at my kids nursery beautiful because she had the most stunning world book day costume on. My son was saying wow at her costume, and I said to her, "wow, you look beautiful!" And she was so happy and her mum was too and thanked me.

On another occassion, also at nursery, there was a little girl dressed immaculately in the most stunning Eid clothes, and I said to her "you look beautiful in your eid clothes" and she was beaming and thanking me, her mum was very appreciative and said it was nice of me to notice the effort, as well.

Other adults have said my kids are beautiful too, I didnt find it weird at all. However, for instance, if a creepy man randomly approached us in the street to say how beautiful my kids are I think both my kids and myself would be very uncomfortable.

It all depends on who is saying it, in what context, if its someone at least familiar, etc. I just really dont think theres that much of a problem with it in most instances, tbh.

He’s off his rocker. I’d be concerned as to why he thinks it’s perverse. Bit defensive isn’t he?

A lot of language misunderstanding going on here.
"Perverse" is clearly the wrong word, I have no idea how it relates to what the OP said. Did he mean Perverted or Pervy? Totally different meaning.
Also he seems to have completely misunderstood your use of the word "Beautiful", you are using it in place of a word like "Wonderful". But he seems to have taken it as you appraising their physical attractiveness.

It all just sounds like a big misunderstanding.

I say it all the time. Don't find it odd at all. I either say beautiful or cute usually

I’d be concerned as to why his mind is even going there. Deeply concerned 😟

Exactly my first thought….

He is. He is actually drawing attention to the sexualization of children by having a problem a perfectly good adjective describing the grace and wonder of children.

@ktopfwcvNeurodiverse people can also be mental you know! They can also very nice and they can also be a bit ‘meh’ just like the bloody rest of us can! Because they are not all the same!

Goodness me.

We were actually on the pier at Eastbourne and a couple passed with a child in a buggy and another toddler. They won't have heard what I said.