Am I being petty?

[tillytoodles1]

It's a big birthday for me two weeks yesterday, I'm 70 and a widow, and originally we'd planned a family holiday in May as my gift. Due to unexpected health problems I am unable to go, so I was a bit disappointed when they all decided to go ahead without me. I still hadn't decided what to do on my birthday, maybe a weekend away in a cottage or similar, but they've changed the date as its cheaper, so now they'll be leaving at 3am for the airport the next morning, so can only see me in the afternoon for a pub lunch. AIBU to be upset by feeling it's all about the holiday and I just have to fit in somewhere.

I understand that you must be gutted that you now can't go, but I don't think I would want my children to miss out on a holiday they were looking forward to and excited about because of my bad luck.

It's your birthday and yes it's normal to want a bit of a fuss, but I think it would be too much to expect them to cancel a holiday on account of it.

When was you going to make up your mind about what you wanted to do and how would this work with people needing to book annual leave, sort pets etc?

This nails it. I personally wouldn't care because the event could be celebrated another day if you wanted to have a big day, or in any case they've arranged to meet you for lunch. So they are still celebrating the day with you. What more fuss would you like ? I think you need to be clearer about your expectations

So reading all your posts and your name change post, is this right?

• your birthday is on April 19th
• the holiday was booked for May, but you pulled out because of unexpected health issues
• your health issues are significant enough that you can't go in on holiday but could go away for the weekend within the UK
• it would have cost £35 per person to cancel the holiday, so your family decided to go ahead with the holiday
• because it's cheaper, they decided to go away on April 20th at 3 am
• because they've changed the date, they can't go away to a cottage and can only go to a pub lunch

I'm with you so far. However, it leaves me with a few questions:

• were you planning to refund them all the £35 that they lose, or were you expecting them to all pay the £35 cancellation and the cost of the cottage?
• if you weren't going to go away until May, presumably you weren't expecting to do anything big on your 70th itself?
• given that they are going on holiday, were you hoping they would also pay for the cottage weekend to celebrate your birthday? Could they afford both?
• did you cancel because you had to, or because you didn't fancy the holiday with news of your health?

I can understand your disappointment but it does seem unrealistic to expect them all to cancel their holiday.

No I’d be pissed off too. The holiday was supposed to be for your birthday. Could have easily changed dates but just fancied the holiday. And it’s your 70th!

That would annoy me unless they’ve arranged a special
birthday meal, rather than an afterthought meal.

I’m sorry your feelings were hurt, OP.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday regardless. You are fortunate to have your family living close by so you’ve had the chance to spend plenty of time together over the years. I understand it probably doesn’t feel good enough right now. When the time is right I think you should tell your family you are disappointed how it all turned out in the end, give them a chance to make it up to you. Life is short, I’m sure they haven’t understood how hurt you are about this.
When my mum died many years ago, my dad had a significant birthday only days after. No one was in the mood (understandably) so we said we’d do something at a latter time. He didn’t say anything so we thought this was acceptable. 10 years later he told me he was hugely disappointed and disgusted that we couldn’t be bothered at the time because it would have taken his mind off things.
The circumstances were very different but if he had told us at the time we would have made sure to celebrate him, obviously.
Give your family a chance to set this right.