Am I being petty?

[tillytoodles1]

It's a big birthday for me two weeks yesterday, I'm 70 and a widow, and originally we'd planned a family holiday in May as my gift. Due to unexpected health problems I am unable to go, so I was a bit disappointed when they all decided to go ahead without me. I still hadn't decided what to do on my birthday, maybe a weekend away in a cottage or similar, but they've changed the date as its cheaper, so now they'll be leaving at 3am for the airport the next morning, so can only see me in the afternoon for a pub lunch. AIBU to be upset by feeling it's all about the holiday and I just have to fit in somewhere.

Could they not change the dates?

The original holiday was in May. They changed it to having to leave in the early hours of the day after without thinking how it would affect t me, maybe I'd have liked to go out for a nice dinner, it's notcevery day you're 70.

That's thoughtless behaviour OP, I'm sorry.

You expected them to pay for a holiday abroad for your birthday, then cancel it at a cost of (at least) £35 pp, and then pay again to take you on a weekend away or similar? Really?

They're going out for dinner on your birthday despite you having cancelled the original plans. Is that really not enough?

If someone is paying for a holiday then it is their holiday.

You’re 70 for a whole year, yes it’s disappointing that you can no longer go but it does seem petty to begrudge your family who have spent money and set aside time to make the holiday. It’s not their fault (and I presume not yours either) that you can no longer make it. I’d wish them a great time and organise something else a week or two later.

Er, OP, you see them often and you are "not big" on adult birthdays, so you say.
And I guess they're working, so rearranging dates isn't easy for them.

It sounds like your expectations are much higher than you actually say they are, so your family probably don't realise that it's apparently a big deal for you.
Don't be a burning martyr - let them enjoy their holiday and arrange something fun to do by yourself on your birthday, or meet a friend. It's just one day, after all.... you can catch up with the family another time.

It's unreasonable to expect everyone else to cancel a trip they were looking forward to because you cannot go. Why can't you celebrate when they get back?

Sorry, who are you in the scenario outlined by the OP?!

Does that apply to all birthday gifts?

So if they had bought OP a box of chocolates , for example, for her birthday, it would be THEIR box of chocolates and not OP's? They could just sit and eat it infront of her because it THEIR'S because they paid for it ?

Whatever you do… don’t sit there at your birthday lunch in a dark mood!

Have you asked them not to go ? Or have you let them believe you’re ok with it all - and quietly seething on here instead ?

Your example is a rubbish one and not comparable, if Op was given a box of chocolates for her birthday and she couldn’t eat them right now they would be saved until she could eat them. A holiday which her family have paid for and they would all loose £35 each if they cancelled is not the same

They aren’t buying the OP a holiday. They were going to but she can no longer go. It would be terrible if they still insisted the holiday was her present!

OP doesn't mention that they are gifting her something else instead of this holiday as far as I can see.

It's really unfortunate OP can't go on the holiday but tbh hurting OP's feelings and disregarding making her birthday special because they are too mean to pay a £ 35 cancellation fee each is pretty unpleasant behaviour.
It sounds as though even when they gifted OP the holiday it was more for their convenience and benefit than for OP's pleasure.

But they've moved the date of the holiday so now can't celebrate her birthday with her.

They could kept the original date or pushed it back until a time the OP could go.

I'd be completely pissed off and telling them so clearly.

It wasn’t for their convenience because they chose a date to suit Op which was more expensive, when OP couldn’t make it they changed the day to a more convenient a cheaper date.

I don’t think they have done anything wrong, they were probably waiting for the OP to make up her mind about what she wanted to do instead and thought let’s go to wherever it is anyway.

Did you offer to refund them all as it’s such a small amount?

She is the OP, she's clearly got two MN accounts. @tillytoodles1 and @Mariets are the same poster.

OP, they arranged it around what suited you. It's no one's fault you have a health issue and can't go.

Now they've moved it to a more affordable and convenient time for all of them the day after your birthday. That's ok, they don't have to do without a holiday because you can't come. It's no longer a holiday about you because you aren't going.

They can still have a lovely meal with you the afternoon of your birthday and celebrate more when you settle a date that works for everyone.

Let go of the idea the holiday is about you. It stopped being about you when you had to pull out. Make a new thing.

Of course I’d be sad I couldn’t go and would probably have some FOMO, but I’d also be glad that everyone was getting together and having fun. YANBU to feel the way you feel, but there’s no point having a face on about it.

Yes I did have a name change fail but it wasn't intentional. I couldn't read my post properly when I was writing it on my phone so I had to keep going back and must have gone back to my old user name for some reason.

I'm not big on birthdays so my views my be skewed but my parents have always been away for my birthday since 16. We've always just done something a different day. I wouldn't want anyone to miss out on a holiday just for a birthday

They will go away
So now you have to ask yourself… are you going to sit in a grump at your birthday meal? Or are you going to put this all aside and wish them a happy holiday and thank them for your birthday lunch?

I hope the latter