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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you have family staying, would you do this?

28 replies

canklesmctacotits · 06/04/2026 14:07

More of a poll than an AIBU as I don't have strong feelings either way.

We just visited DBIL, DSIL and their two DC. They live a 5hr flight away and we see them once a year normally, around Christmas time, at PILs' house. We wanted to visit their area, and stayed with them for two nights (travelled around and stayed elsewhere for 5 more nights).

While we were there the DC went to their gymnastics classes (1.5hrs each day, both at the same time). DH and DD went with them one time (the DC were very excited to take someone new), and we all went and did other stuff together during the class the second time. All good.

Then, DBIL and DSIL each individually went to gym/yoga/pilates/boxing classes themselves, each of the two days we were there. They were each absent for 2-2.5 hours each time, while the other one and their DC were with us.

I don't see a problem with this but DH (it's his DB and SIL) is a bit miffed that we went all that way "to see them" (I don't think that entirely true, we went to their area and couldn't very well not see them) and they took themselves off for half a morning/afternoon each day.

What would you think is normal? I don't exercise at all so can't really say what's reasonable 😂

OP posts:
TheTortiePuffinNeedsHerBreakfast · 06/04/2026 14:12

I don't think I would be going to the gym and exercise classes, no. I might do an early morning run before everyone else was up. But it seems a bit dismissive to just carry on as normal when you have guests. I get the kids might still do their classes but that would be it for me.

BrentfordForever · 06/04/2026 14:12

You’re staying in their house ?

maybe they need a break then?

bugalugs45 · 06/04/2026 14:16

You weren’t left alone to fend for yourselves , you still had company with the other adult & kids , I’d have no issue with this but then again I wouldn’t have minded being left with just my partner for a few hours either. I would have prob gone off exploring by myself a few hours too , location dependent .

Friendlygingercat · 06/04/2026 14:17

When you are staying with friends or family you dont have to live in one anothers pockets. I used to stay with friends in Casablanca who had to work in the daytime. So it was up to me to amuse myself, which I did. I also went away to other cities. So I suppose they could have complained that I was using them as a hotel. However we did spend some time together in the evenings and at the weekend. I would not want to spend 24 hours a day in the presence of my house guests. Im sure they were glad that I was confident enough to go off on my own to different cities in Morocco and book myself into a hotel.

Truetoself · 06/04/2026 14:18

If you were only there for 2 nights and only see them once a year it’s not too much to expect them to be present whilst you are there

Flamingojune · 06/04/2026 14:19

Youre staying with them for just 2 nights then it is kinda rude of them

EmpressaurusKitty · 06/04/2026 14:20

Do they live somewhere very touristy?

I know you only visit them once a year but if they have a lot of people asking to visit but really wanting to use them as a base, maybe they’ve got used to just carrying on.

Shinyandnew1 · 06/04/2026 14:21

Did you invite yourselves? I wouldn’t expect people to cancel things they wanted to do over their long weekend, if I’d invited myself.

youalright · 06/04/2026 14:25

Yanbu if I had family I hardly see come all that way I'd clear my schedule and spend the time with them

familyissues12345 · 06/04/2026 14:25

I’d be a bit disappointed if someone I saw once a year, for 2 days, couldn’t miss something that isn’t essential. I could understand work/medical apps etc.

Coldautumnmornings · 06/04/2026 14:28

I personally would cancel this type of activity in this circumstance.

Okaylie · 06/04/2026 14:31

I’d be a bit miffed OP. I’d be fine with the kids class but I think parents should have stayed home (unless a team sport where they’d be letting others down sort of thing).

PuppyMonkey · 06/04/2026 14:54

For just a 2-day visit, I think this means stuff like the gym should get cancelled - same as if you get invited over for dinner one evening, you wouldn’t then expect the host to fuck off to pilates that evening. Confused

JLou08 · 06/04/2026 15:46

I'd probably do it. I wouldn't want to be with people all day. I need a bit of a break from being sociable, it exhausts me.

WhatNoRaisins · 06/04/2026 15:50

For a mutually agreed visit that's just two days long I think it's a bit rude. If it's just a case of you turning up using them as a base on a date that suits you it's less so.

Original poster
canklesmctacotits · 06/04/2026 15:59

Friendlygingercat · 06/04/2026 14:17

When you are staying with friends or family you dont have to live in one anothers pockets. I used to stay with friends in Casablanca who had to work in the daytime. So it was up to me to amuse myself, which I did. I also went away to other cities. So I suppose they could have complained that I was using them as a hotel. However we did spend some time together in the evenings and at the weekend. I would not want to spend 24 hours a day in the presence of my house guests. Im sure they were glad that I was confident enough to go off on my own to different cities in Morocco and book myself into a hotel.

Edited

This is how my friends and I used to travel pre-DH + DC, and it's pretty much still my approach. I don't think anyone wants to spend 24/7 with me (and I don't want to spend 24/7 with anyone else either, including DH and DC a lot of the time 😂) so to me it's a good way to spend meaningful time together but not cramp anyone's style.

They do live in a touristy area, but so do we and we've been to their city many times and they to ours (pre-DC). We didn't need to stay with them, in fact we would rather have had a couple more nights in another place we wanted to visit, but they've been inviting us for years and we've always put it off. Their youngest is a decade younger than our oldest so too much time together is tricky to manage.

Interesting that there are mixed views, I guess neither DH nor I are being unreasonable. The other factor is that they both work FT and we were there over a weekend. I'm a SAHM so think their weekends are precious time to do things I would do during the week. DH works FT and says he'd still cancel weekend exercise if someone flew 5 hours to see him...

OP posts:
BrentfordForever · 06/04/2026 16:02

canklesmctacotits · 06/04/2026 15:59

This is how my friends and I used to travel pre-DH + DC, and it's pretty much still my approach. I don't think anyone wants to spend 24/7 with me (and I don't want to spend 24/7 with anyone else either, including DH and DC a lot of the time 😂) so to me it's a good way to spend meaningful time together but not cramp anyone's style.

They do live in a touristy area, but so do we and we've been to their city many times and they to ours (pre-DC). We didn't need to stay with them, in fact we would rather have had a couple more nights in another place we wanted to visit, but they've been inviting us for years and we've always put it off. Their youngest is a decade younger than our oldest so too much time together is tricky to manage.

Interesting that there are mixed views, I guess neither DH nor I are being unreasonable. The other factor is that they both work FT and we were there over a weekend. I'm a SAHM so think their weekends are precious time to do things I would do during the week. DH works FT and says he'd still cancel weekend exercise if someone flew 5 hours to see him...

Show quote history

ofc DH would say that but he’s not in this situation is he?

did you suggest you visit ?

they’re working full time, give them a break

ginasevern · 06/04/2026 16:57

If I had friends or relatives staying for just a couple of days, then no I wouldn't carry on as normal. I'd probably take them out and about or have a BBQ or something. If they were staying for longer then yes, life goes on.

bagsandmags · 06/04/2026 17:01

Truetoself · 06/04/2026 14:18

If you were only there for 2 nights and only see them once a year it’s not too much to expect them to be present whilst you are there

Agree, I think it’s weird to not be tbh.

DonewhatIcando · 06/04/2026 17:22

@canklesmctacotits
Not unreasonable of them imo.
My dsis lives in Greece, I visit every year, I don't stay with her (she offers) as I like to be near the beach.
I don't see her every day as she has a life out there, we meet for meals, a day trip, she comes to the beach for a day.
Life goes on, people have commitments and plans, I think if you visit you need to fit in around their lives, your DH is being daft

Planner2026 · 06/04/2026 17:41

If family has travelled 5 hours to see us and we only see them twice a year, and they are only staying with us for 48 hours - then no, I would not go out to a yoga/aerobics/ whatever class. I’d make a lovely, balanced itinerary around the kids, with a mix of doing stuff out of the house and doing stuff at home. With really yummy meals.

popcornandpotatoes · 06/04/2026 17:44

Hmm I think it would be quite odd to be expected to be with visitors 24/7 for a visit. It's really not necessary and you weren't left to fend for yourselves.

Th gymnastics in particular is a paid for activity and I don't like my daughter to miss her clubs except for me exceptional circumstances, and I don't include visitors in that

Coconutter24 · 06/04/2026 17:58

Depends if they invited you to stay or if you asked if you could stay because you’re in the area

Geneticsbunny · 06/04/2026 18:57

Totally agree with above. It depends whether you invited yourself or they invited you.

mindutopia · 06/04/2026 19:08

I don’t cancel my plans just because Dh invites people to stay. Okay, yes, if I specifically invited my own friends or family, I would probably make that time to spend with them. But it depends on if they invited you for those specific days or you invited yourself and told them what days you were coming?

I pay for my dc’s activities by the term though so they don’t miss them because we have houseguests. One of them plays a competitive sport and literally cannot miss sessions as per the contract we’ve signed.

But if dh’s family visits I only spend maybe 50-60% of the time with them. Dh can entertain his own family. I can’t take time off and rearrange stuff everytime someone comes to visit. If they are anything like us and live in a desirable tourist area, they get a lot of requests to stay, it can be quite full on and I just don’t rearrange life around people visiting anymore.