To be surprised at screen usage during a family outing?

[hangonwhilstioverthinkthis]

I read on here often about children and teens on screens when out, but has anyone else experienced it with adults? I feel like I've been living in a bubble!

When I see family with my DC it's understood there are to be no screens at the table, and in my experience limited screens during gatherings whether eating or not. I can't remember it being explicitly said, it's just always been that way even when I was a kid (ie the TV went off when guests came around/always at meal times). DH and I are the same with our DC, whether at home or out. If there is a real necessity to use a device (for example its the end of the meal and someone wanted to check the traffic to decide whether they should be leaving) we would ask others at the table first. If people were still eating it really wouldn't be unusual for someone to leave the table to check their phone or take a call rather than doing it whilst sat down.

However, I have been out a few times recently with my parents and siblings (all aged 50+), without youngens, and I have been surprised at how often I was the only one not on a screen. It was like I was with totally different people!

Is this just the norm now?? I didn't even have mine with me (I'm late 30's if that's helpful to know), so am very much on a different wavelength.

YANBU - this is also my experience
YABU - this isn't normal

Also, do I mention it if it happens again? If yes, how would you bring it up?

Your family are rude

ive noticed it with my mum and her generation, totally addicted to the screens

I've never known anyone allow phones at the table while eating I thought that was normal (and the one time they're not allowed lol)

When I'm out with family the only time phones are brought out is to check something and then they're put away. I'd definitely be miffed if people were on their phones the whole time.

My dad, who lives alone can be like this - he so used to being in his phone! But our rule in the house and outside is - no screens at the table, ever! Although sometimes the kids have to remind him ‘grandad…’

It is becoming so much more prevalent @hangonwhilstioverthinkthis and please don't be gaslit by anyone on this thread who comes on to say "Well I've never seen this, so it can't be true".

I am fortunate that my mother and father are not addicted (yet!) but my mother in law will sit through every mealtime, every dinner out, looking at reels. She has shrunk sadly into a bit of a shell of herself, it almost feels like the phone is like the Ring of Power, making the owner some sort of wraith or hollowed out person because of it.

Yes, pils were here yesterday, I was sorting dinner out and when I came out of the kitchen both of them and DH were sitting in the living room on their phones. I find it really weird (and rude!). Like why bother coming, you could have stayed at home and doom scrolled.

“Gaslit” by someone having a different experience to the op 😆

let me guess. Are they also a narcissist?

Thank you for the comments so far.

Idk why it's sitting so prevalently in my mind but have been wondering quite a bit if it was unreasonable of me to be quite so surprised. But it's so polar to my usual experience with them. I haven't spent time with them in a group like that without children (either mine or theirs who are now all 17+, there's usually some around!) for years. They're not like it 121 whether we're at my home, their home or out, and they're not like it when my DC are there, so it happening multiple times in the last week felt very unusual.

Would love to know what they are like at home now!

ive noticed my mother and my in laws (FIL heavily) are completely addicted to their phones. On then at least 50% during our company when socialising. Obsessed. No phone etiquette at all

So this is family you very rarely see and not close to?

I think it's rude to be on a screen all the time in company but also I wouldn't ask anyone's permission if I needed to check something quickly. I would however wait until a suitable time, for example if my companion nipped to the loo or others at the table were happily engaged in a conversation I didn't need to pay full attention to.

How on earth would that be gaslighting?

There is a lot of bad phone etiquette too amongst the same age group; people a little bit older than me.

I see so many having extended speakerphone calls in inappropriate places, watching reels and content out loud or playing music. I find it quite bizarre as I’m sure as you say, they had very different rules around such behaviour when younger and in pre mobile phones.

So many people seem to be in a bubble these days. It’s definitely not a “young people nowadays” thing.

I don’t know anyone as an adult who would mindlessly scroll on the internet, though an in-law seems to have no problem propping up a tablet to have on the dinner table if there’s a bit game on which I find terribly rude.

Otherwise phones would generally only appear to take a photo or check something that came up in conversation e.g. sharing of a link to product being talked about, recommendation for somewhere you’ve been on holiday and sharing it with someone who is visiting that area soon.

@Whatsnextforbea no. Its just unusual for it to just be my parents, siblings and I. Usually there would be partners, children, aunts, uncles etc (all or some of those), or just me and mum/parents, just me and one sibling, that sort of thing.

But you don’t go around to their house often?

I have seen it too op and it drives me mad. I have friends that will send a message and I will reply along the lines of 'just serving up dinner' yet get a response back as if I am going to be sitting on my phone while at the dinner table. If I am with someone or out somewhere I dont check my phone at all. I see no reason to either it is just basic manners as far as I can tell.

Ohhh I think I see the confusion. I should have said 'would love to know what they're like when I'm not around' or something like that. I meant what they're like at home in a fly on the wall sort of scenario. Because they have always behaved differently when it's just us or my children are with me, or we're at a big family gathering (which would ordinarily be at a restaurant somewhere).

If I'm at my sisters house and her teens are there they'll often be on their phone or playing a game, watching TV or whatever. She and I would usually be in the kitchen chatting. I've not noticed her using her phone particularly. I pop round to my parents quite a lot and the first thing that happens is mum turns the radio down (which feels like her today equivalent of turning the TV off when someone visited when I was a kid!).

I'm the age group of your parents and would never use or allow screens at the table. Nor would any of my friends (bar the check- the-traffic stuff, after finishing eating).
As you have children, I think it's reasonable to discreetly ask your family not to use screens in front of the kids.

@Miranda65 thank you. To be fair they are very good in front of my children. This happened when it was all adults at the table, which is making me wonder if it's actually the norm for them and they're making a great effort around my children. If so then I'm grateful as DH and I are trying very much to lead by example and not be slaves to screens around the kids unless we're doing something for work.

I have been out and about a lot this week and I noticed a real trend of people using speakerphone to talk & having their phone on loud while they scrolled through shorts or tictoc. They were all older people which I did think was odd.

I have noticed previously when i’m out for dinner with friends or DH and there are often couples or 2 friends in their 20s and they don’t talk whilst eating just looking at their phones.

Yeah everyone has gone insane. Baby boomers have no defence mechanism so they seem to be the worst. I would say the generation f late Millennials/early Gen X are didn't grow up with phones but still knew about computers so seem to be the only people who can stop looking for ten seconds. That's how everyone has gone down rabbit holes as well. I really hope the culture changes and teens are kept away from phone by the time my kids are older.

I don't allow screens at the table, however I do allow one young adult child to have a phone and play on it when we are between courses at a restaurant. They're autistic and find it very hard between courses, so it seems reasonable for them. They are well aware that it's not acceptable in general in society though. I also don't care if someone at another table is sitting there judging what they don't know.

My kids are 20 and 22 and they don’t have phones at the table. It’s not a rule - they just know it’s not polite and you talk to people when sitting and eating with them.
As for other times - riding in the car, watching tv - yes the phones are often out, mine too.