To be surprised at screen usage during a family outing?

[hangonwhilstioverthinkthis]

I read on here often about children and teens on screens when out, but has anyone else experienced it with adults? I feel like I've been living in a bubble!

When I see family with my DC it's understood there are to be no screens at the table, and in my experience limited screens during gatherings whether eating or not. I can't remember it being explicitly said, it's just always been that way even when I was a kid (ie the TV went off when guests came around/always at meal times). DH and I are the same with our DC, whether at home or out. If there is a real necessity to use a device (for example its the end of the meal and someone wanted to check the traffic to decide whether they should be leaving) we would ask others at the table first. If people were still eating it really wouldn't be unusual for someone to leave the table to check their phone or take a call rather than doing it whilst sat down.

However, I have been out a few times recently with my parents and siblings (all aged 50+), without youngens, and I have been surprised at how often I was the only one not on a screen. It was like I was with totally different people!

Is this just the norm now?? I didn't even have mine with me (I'm late 30's if that's helpful to know), so am very much on a different wavelength.

YANBU - this is also my experience
YABU - this isn't normal

Also, do I mention it if it happens again? If yes, how would you bring it up?

I think it is significant that in OPs family all the children have grown up. There's certain ways I behave better in front of children / young teenagers - i make healthier food choices and swear much less. I wonder if the adults are just not feeling the pressure to model good phone etiquette or table manners.

This an interesting thread because usually it is this same age group who moan about the ‘kids’ having too much screen time; I agree it is becoming the norm for many which is sad.

@QuickBrown yes exactly, it's only my children left who are little and I usually have them around when seeing family so I wonder if I've been in something of a bubble where I haven't been privy to the fact that this behaviour is now prevalent/normal. Oh the one hand if this is the case I feel grateful for the restraint they're showing when the children are around as we're trying to role model a healthy relationship with screens. On the other hand I was a bit sad to have the opportunity to see them all without the kids for once only to find myself sitting in silence for a not insignificant amount of time between whilst they all looked at their individual phones.

@quintessentially166 I had the exact same thought!! Though I suppose it won't be everyone either way. Perhaps the ones who moan about kids on devices wouldn't act that way themselves and the ones that do aren't the ones moaning. Who knows!

Yes there was a respectable looking woman late 60s/70s watching reels loudly on the train. Teens were eye rolling

Completely agree, my mum and dad as well and MIL and FIL appear to be glued to iPads all day. Completely ignoring grandchildren when they’re around, makes me sad. My eldest (7) was desperately trying to get MIL attention the other day to show her something, she didn’t even look up from candy crush. Everyone talks about the negative impacts on kids and teenagers of screen use but I see very few comments about the older generation

My parents and ILs are elderly and DF doesn't don't know how to go online, FIL has maybe 1 website with sports, so scrolling is not a thing. However neither are capable of letting a call ring out or being on silent. I brought them both out recently for a kids occasion to a fancy restaurant. DF got a call just as dinner was served and took the call, chatting away to my sister for a few mins. Next thing FILs phone went and he started chatting..we were all sitting there glaring at them, our very expensive meal had just arrived and they were so rude.

It's calls on speakerphone that I really notice in the older generation with phones - my dad will always answer wherever we are and it will always be loud! My mil will glance at her WhatsApp messages and then read them out to us - regardless of whether we know the people, are remotely interested or even if it's from a group chat we are in and can read it ourselves on our own phones. But I think the absolute worst demographic for antisocial phone use is parents of young children who prop noisy ipads up in front of them the second they sit down in a cafe or restaurant (without even waiting to see if the child gets bored or restless) and blast out tinny YouTube videos relentlessly. Goodness knows how those children will ever have an understanding of social skills and table manners as they grow up, so the problem will only intensify.

Yes - phone addiction in "older" generations rarely gets spoken about, but where I live (not the U.K.) it is pretty awful.

Here, phones are far more essential, as they are pretty much mandatory for all communication, business, payments, transportation etc. So older people were forced to adopt them earlier than back in the U.K. and it is a real thing that you see the youngsters on their phones, and the elder relatives on their phones...

With an awkward middle group who are pretty 50/50.

I don't think it is actually age dependent at all, but more based on how you were exposed to social media and technology (which somewhat correlates with age).

I think partly its because both the older and younger are more likely to have less/no experience of technology that isn't addictive/connected. My grandpa only started using a phone after social media was everywhere, so he never really experienced non addictive tech... same for my son, who wasn't born before social media existed.

The middle group though, have seen the rise of social media and tech, and have adapted to slowly increasing features, and as are generally more aware of the dangers and traps of it. It is the same with tech scams. It tends to be the young and the elderly who haven't gradually developed tech literacy and awareness, who then fall into digital scams.

Depends on the meal and situation, meeting up for lunch or dinner, no phones, everyone staying for a weekend somewhere, fine to read news etc at breakfast, like reading a paper. I just can’t do socialising before 9am

Omg yes! That is such a great analogy

I have to tell my students not to get their phones out during seminars- it’s one of the rules. If they need to use it in an emergency, they must leave the room. If I see a student using their phone, I stand and glare at them until they stop. I find it rude and it won’t kill anyone not to look at a screen for an hour.

Very judgemental. You are witnessing a snapshot of life. Focus on e joying yourself and mind your own business.

When MIL comes round to visit i have had to nudge OH for going on his phone...however MIL also goes on hers.
Im the only one who doesn't.
Annoys me and I do find it rude.
My two kids are addicted to their phones..though we dont allow them at the table.
Worst things ever.
So many times ive been out for a meal and I can see the whole table sat heads down scrolling through (utter shite no doubt) their phones.
Couples sat across from one another head deep in their phones.
Is Jessica two doors down selfie that bloody important?

I admit to being completely addicted to my phone (mid 50s). I will always have it on the table if I’m eating with other adults (as will most of my peers) but, even though I find it tough, I will only use it to look up information related to the conversation we are having. The rest of the time is usually more relaxed, though I am trying to put it down more often when talking to DH and adult DC as I recognise that I’m not always listening fully (probable ADHD doesn’t help). The videos and video calls drives me insane; I don’t have the sound on for anything.