AIBU to feel hurt after deleting an ignored group trip message for valid reasons?

[femm123]

AIBU -

Hello! Not really sure if I'm just feeling more sensitive about this as I am on my period, so I thought I'd ask for some perspective. I am late 30s and have been friends with these people for over 20 years.

I sent a message to a friendship group chat yesterday (6 people - myself, DH and four DF) suggesting a trip later on this year with the six of us and the children. Nothing was said, and then this morning I get an invite to another friend's 40th away around the same time frame I suggested. I decided to delete the suggestion from the chat as there had been no response (it would have meant dates clashed also ) with the intention to suggest a new set of dates. I put my phone down for about 3 minutes whilst I thought about what to send in replacement and one of my friends replies as soon as I deleted the message, saying that they are all sick so haven't responded yet but no worries anyway as they have seen that I have deleted it. The tone of the message was just rude and I immediately felt hurt seeing it. There ended up being a discussion around the fact that I deleted the message and how it was a passive aggressive move from me. I've said I understand their interpretation and then explained the whole situation about why I deleted it ine the first place and there ended up being a whole group convo about the fact that I deleted it and how it came across which just feels really silly considering they obviously saw the message, didn't respond and as soon as I deleted it for whatever reason, was able to message about that. It just all feels horribly uncomfortable, awkward and completely unnecessary. I feel like I'm back in school at nearly 40. I have been friends with one of them for nearly 25 years, but as a group we've been friends about 18. We've seen each other through weddings, funerals and births of all of our children but I can't help but feel really upset by my friend's assumption and the tone that they used. I feel like there is an underlying issue at hand. AIBU to feel like this and should I just move on and forget about it or should I try to talk to them about how I feel? Surely, as good friends, I should be able to say this and not fear their response?

TIA!! Xx

I agree with this.

I think if they’re genuinely actually all giving you a hard time over one deleted message then there are likely other dynamics going on that won’t contribute towards future good relations.

Friends, especially long-term ones, should assume best intentions of each other, and actually if they did think you were upset, they should have asked why. If one deleted message results in this then it’s probably unfortunately not the friendship you thought it was.

I just wish you hadn't said you were on your period.
Do people still do this?
Sounds like an excuse for ....something

To be fair, it’s generally peri or menopause that people use as an excuse - periods are proper old school excuses 😂

It was odd to delete the message after only sending it yesterday.

Would have been better to leave that message as it was and add an edit to say there was a date clash so may need to rethink that and left it at that.

Well she may have gotten around to checking calendars and gone to respond and found it deleted. Not sure why you are attributing malice to her action instead of just coincidence.

Deleting would be very unusual is my group chats - can't even recall if its ever occurred. More normal would be to say 'scratch that, have a clash with those dates now, will get back with alternatives shortly'.