AIBU not to share baby name choices with my mother?

[Credittocress]

I’m may be being over sensitive here, but I’m 6 months pregnant and we’ve been thinking about baby names. One gender name is picked, there’s currently a shortlist for the other. I mentioned to my mother that one name was picked, and she got very very start that we wouldn’t share the name. She didn’t pressure my DS like this.

but here’s the thing, she is very opinionated on everything. I’ve never known anyone have the energy to hold so many opinions so strongly all of the time. One of our friends had a baby recently and the name was on our shortlist, and she was very disparaging and rude about it. It has taken the shine off slightly, but also I am now struggling to be objective about that name

I don’t want to share any of the names because I don’t want her using the next three months to make suggestions or little digs at our names. I know it was my error to answer that we had one name picked and a shortlist, but I am getting so tired now of the cold shoulder saying we are freezing her out- and that when people keep these things secret it isn’t from their own mothers. I am pretty sure most people do keep these things private.

We didn't share with anyone until they were born, perfectly fine to keep it to yourselves. Just tell her you want to meet baby 1st before you decide to check it's the right fit and won't be sharing before then, YANBU.

Babies don't have a gender.

I’d just be honest and say its because she is so opinionated that you’re not sharing. If she doesn’t like it then i’d give her a wide berth.

Tell her a fake name?

My DM definitely didn’t like the (Irish) name we had shortlisted for DS before his birth and immediately started siggesting alternatives.
She also didn’t like the name we ultimately plcked for him (Also Iriish but more traditional ) but grew to like it. DS on the other hand has always loved it.

This is what I want to avoid. I know particularly for the one we have chosen there it can’t even be framed as have you thought about putting x on the list because it’s like y.

im pleased your DS loves it!

She’d have hated me cos my eldest didn’t have a name for 3 days and my youngest everyone hated but I still used it.

It’s none of her business. She’s had her turn at naming children, now it’s your turn.

Tell her exactly that.

I told my mum our preferred names for our first baby, she wasn't impressed and told me we had six months to change our minds! We didn't, but we kept quiet until much later with our other children! It's your choice and your decision when you tell anyone.

Haha. My first didn’t have a name for about 5 weeks. I kept getting called by the GP surgery asking for her name.

When did all this drama start about baby names? Just enjoy your baby.

Keep it to yourself. We told my MIL our middle child’s name around 6 months into pregnancy and she kept asking my DH to consider changing it! With our last child, we didn't even tell anyone the sex until she was born, let alone her name.

Never, ever, ever discuss baby name possibilities with family or friends before the baby is born. Just tell them what the name is once the baby has arrived. It is none of their business.

This. Just say you haven't decided yet. Really bad idea to give any examples!

Totally with you on this. Keep your name choice, or shortlist, to yourself or only discuss it with your partner until your baby has arrived and you're certain about your decision.

This!
Once baby is named people are much less likely to express opinions!

YANBU. Mine actually cried because I was 'excluding her' her from my pregnancy. The one example she could come up with was that I wasn't sharing name ideas. I don't share them with anyone even neutral people like work colleagues or midwives

I am getting so tired now of the cold shoulder saying we are freezing her out

I think you’re going to have to learn to sit with your discomfort about displeasing your mother. YANBU.

Just give her a neutral name and say we are thinking about this. Then she can chunter away and when the babies born you can then say sorry didn’t look like a xx so we have chosen yy @

Don't say this. It's unnecessarily rude and she's still your mother.
You don't have to tell her, but it won't help your relationship if you follow this advice.

What you could do is say that although you've chosen what you think you'll go with, you want to see if baby suits the name when born. So you are keeping it a surprise in case you change your mind - you don't want everyone getting used to one name if it could change. That's still not telling her, but being more gentle about it.

Obviously, in future don't tell her that you've made decisions unless you are willing to share them with her. In all honestly it does feel a bit 'precious' to me, to not tell your mum - she'll still have an opinion when she eventually finds out, so you might as well hear it now!

My mum is also very opinionated and not afraid to share her pov, whether you want to hear it or not. I just say that I like X and that's that. She can't make you change your mind.

Give her a name that you definitely don’t want so she can talk you out of it. And if she happens to like it, keep quiet until baby is born, and then say you both decided it didn’t suit them. Otherwise keep it to yourselves. Say you haven’t chosen, or that you can’t make up your minds.

Yes, exactly.

If you know what she is like, why did you tell.her your choice?
Tell her that nothing is finalised until.you have met baby and be a bit more canny in your dealings as with her in future.

My in-laws kept asking about this and we didn't want to share, so we gave them some completely ridiculous answers. Tell her you've gone for either Sunbeam or Albatross and stick to it. She can be as mean as she likes about those. I mean, I'm presuming neither Sunbeam nor Albatross is on the shortlist!

Sad but understandable for you choosing not to share. If your mother really was different about your brother's choices, perhaps ask her where her sexism comes from.