is my husband right?

[aprilshowers88]

we have a 14 year old son who has always played football and has been good consistantley throughout the years and has played for his grassroots team for years. he is a late bloomer and lately his joints will sometimes hurt snd i think he is starting to get to puberty stage. he is tall at 5'8 as he just shot up but his weight is yet to follow at 50kgs
Most of the boys on his team are like fully grown men and we notice our son has started to feel scared of maybe getting hurt and is playing more cautitously?
Anyway, he's been invited to trial out for an academy shadow squad (he trialed last year for the academy and didnt get through so they must have kept his details on the system?) but my husband went mental and says he is tired of wasting all our time on this and to stick to grassroots? I work full time mon-fri so all training would be down to my husband to take him if he was to be taken on, however my husband is a contractor so sometomes he will have busy two months but be off for four months or work a week have a month off etc
I dont know anything about football but all i know is as a parent i want to do whatever makes my son happy? I think our son is just in a weird inbetween space with growth spurts and with the window closing on getting into an academy due to his age, i feel like next few years all we can do is try?

What is missing from your post is your son’s wishes. What does he want to do?

apologies, it goes without saying that our son would LOVE this opportunity!

I would support my child if they had a passion and were good at it. My dd does a sport 5/6 times a week including very early mornings, weekends and competitions far away.

I don't think any time spent helping your children do something they love is wasted. I think your husband is being a bit lazy because he doesn't want to take him around. This is a fantastic opportunity, especially since they've called him back. I wouldn't want to waste that.

He has an opportunity that he would love to take?
I can't understand why your DH is against it
I mean, I know zero about football, but it seems he already plays in a team, but a better team want to give him a trial?

If you don't let him, in the future he'll resent that fact that he'll never know what could have been.

I guess for me it depends if it’s actually logistically possible. Can your husband actually manage the driving? Are there buses? My kids are super busy but we have stuff for each of them every night and one car so we are maxed out logistically.

My DS is in an academy and it is hard work and takes up a lot of time. So few of the boys actually make it, but they all love it. If you’re not 100% committed, and it really does have to be the entire family that are committed, it’s worth it. Your son will resent you both if you don’t let him though.

My son is a similar age and build to yours and v sporty and I do everything in my power to get him to his various clubs, he loves it. His dad bellyache a bit about him missing family stuff but it makes him so happy, plus he has made great friends through sport and is out living life rather thsn on a screen. All pluses as far as Im concerned. Good for him.

Is your husband usually lazy and selfish?

At a loss to understand why a father would not take his son and supports his dreams even if they come to nothing. Your husband is a poor excuse for a parent.

At this stage it sounds like you (well your DS) has nothing to use by attending the trial and seeing what happens.

If he does get accepted, presumably the academy will be fully aware that teen boys grow in fits and spurts and are different shapes and sizes, and will be able to manage that?

if your husband's main concerns are logistical, I think this is the time to have a serious talk with your son. If he wants this opportunity, what can he expect from you, what can he not expect from you? If he is serious this might mean (for example) him having to take public transport even though it is slower, having to give up other hobbies to devote more time etc. Is he prepared to do those things?

I think you support your children to achieve their ambitions and activities, as far as is possible. Obviously, there can be financial or time restrictions, but if it is possible I think we should do it.

My DC’s take part in sport which requires traipsing up and down the country (with horses in tow) and spending a fortune to do so. It’s had so many benefits- the obvious of being active, developing discipline and resilience, learning about commitment and team working etc- but also less “obvious” positives. Such as taking responsibility for organising their studies around their sporting commitments- they are competing at a high level, but aren’t going to be going to go on to do it professionally, so are very aware that if their academic outcomes start to suffer due to it, we’ll curtail the sport. Also, due to travelling and being away we’ve spent had lots of time togetherwith few “outs” and this has been an opportunity to have some really lovely chats about all sorts of things and improved our relationship more than I would ever have appreciated. They also appreciate the time spent with them and the sacrifices DH & I have made, and so on. So, I’d say if you can do it for your son, then you should- he’ll always remember that you gave him opportunities.

Cross the logistical bridge if he gets in. Reassure your husband that you are a team and it can be worked out. Maybe the academy has a ride share what’s app group or he can get a bus pass.

This. Was going to say the same thing

Thanks everyone! My husband does everything for us and never had any issues with him lol but for some reason has a weird thing when it comes to our son and football lately. He says he isnt making it pro so its a waste of time and he is happy enough in his current team so why add more on when theres no need? My husband loves football too so i find it strange. He actually takes our son to play for his own sunday team (just a group of my husband and his friends who book a slot every week) but just totally blew up when i mentioned he had been invited for his trial and stormed off.

A friend has 2 sons who are in academy squads for a league 2 team. I don’t understand what a shadow squad is so don’t know if that would be the same. But the parental commitment my friends are expected to have is massive. Training weekly and the training ground is over an hour away each way, and week day and weekend games all over the country, sometimes requiring overnight stays as so far away. It’s a fantastic opportunity but requires huge parental involvement. And it’s expensive. They have to pay for all the kit and travel. I can foresee issues if you expect your DH to be the provider of all this. They had to sign a contractual agreement too. My sons (older now) did grass roots so less pressure and more local. Would you take time off work to step in if DH can’t or won’t take him even if only needed from time to time. It’s a fantastic opportunity though. Can lead to great things. But doesn’t for most. You have to be prepared for all of that too.

How many times a week will he be training if he gets in?

Thanks everyone.

Training would be once a week (around 18 miles away) and games are more scattered so not regular weekly games. Its cat 2 academy shadow squad, so one below their academy (which is a really good academy and it feels like it would be a good opportunity to get him in a position where he could maybe get a place in the next year or two?)

i could also drive him if my husband was unavailable (this would be very rare!) but i work flexi from home. financially it would be fine too. i just fail to see what my husbands issue is as he is one of those people that never finds anything a chore etc but he seemed triggered by this when i said it and stormed off?

Hm maybe he watched that documentary as to how football clubs and academies are where the manosphere grooms boys into misogynists and also hotbeds of far right xenophobic racist hooligans. Perhaps he knows or fears something is off about the academy and doesn’t want his son put in the environment of pressure to fit in.

...and possibly...jealous?😎

I wondered about him being jealous too.

i think what hurts more is i think he is just disappinted in our son because he expected 'more' of him. But i look at our son and he is such a brilliant young man i just cant understand him.

Can you not support with training regardless then if you work flexi?

What did he expect?

I can but unsure why there would be a need? Our son is our youngest and our daughters are older than him, so when one of us is at home all day our day consists of snacks, tv and gym! There is no burden of little kids on my husband while he is at home so he really wouldn't be hard done by this. When he works we could alternate weeks? Its not that far from us anyway and our eldest is driving too so if urgent, she could take him.