is my husband right?

[aprilshowers88]

we have a 14 year old son who has always played football and has been good consistantley throughout the years and has played for his grassroots team for years. he is a late bloomer and lately his joints will sometimes hurt snd i think he is starting to get to puberty stage. he is tall at 5'8 as he just shot up but his weight is yet to follow at 50kgs
Most of the boys on his team are like fully grown men and we notice our son has started to feel scared of maybe getting hurt and is playing more cautitously?
Anyway, he's been invited to trial out for an academy shadow squad (he trialed last year for the academy and didnt get through so they must have kept his details on the system?) but my husband went mental and says he is tired of wasting all our time on this and to stick to grassroots? I work full time mon-fri so all training would be down to my husband to take him if he was to be taken on, however my husband is a contractor so sometomes he will have busy two months but be off for four months or work a week have a month off etc
I dont know anything about football but all i know is as a parent i want to do whatever makes my son happy? I think our son is just in a weird inbetween space with growth spurts and with the window closing on getting into an academy due to his age, i feel like next few years all we can do is try?

that he would be better i think? that he would be in an academy long before now? im not sure. i cant understand it.

Well your husband doesn’t want to support it and you said all training would be down to your husband. Helping with training could mean your son gets to try out like he wants to

oh sorry i misunderstood, no of course, if my husband refused i would do every trip and rejig my hours to suit.

i think i just wanted to know how others felt? if what my husband says makes sense?

You just need to talk to your husband. No one else can guess what's in his head.

If it's down to him to do all or most of the commuting to training and games, then he has the final say IMO.

As opposed to a parent, I was like this with myself with my sport as a teenager. I was very good but obviously not going to be an Olympian. I thought there was no point carrying on if I wasn't going to be the best. I really really regret it!

It's so good that your son enjoys it and wants to commit and crucially try again at something he failed at. I honestly think trying, failing, recovering (or trying and winning!)etc is one of the most important things you learn through sport.

My counter to his Dad saying he won't be a pro, is that most kids won't! But they'll get so much out of it anyway, both socially, emotionally and physically.

1000% agree and exactly how i feel 💖

So your DH is disappointed because he imagined your son would be higher up the football ladder by now....?
This is a kid being offered a trial for an academy, which afaik is only an opportunity offered to a miniscule percentage of football loving kids?
But Dad is peed off because he's not the next Ronaldo???

I don't know. I think you need to really talk to DH and unpack this, but I really would move heaven and earth just to ensure my kid really did take every opportunity that excited them..which you've said you'll do, so fair play to you.
But DH attitude needs explaining because DS will pick up on it.

I think kids get so much out of sport if they want to do it and it's only right to support him if you can. I spent hours at the Climbing Centre. I never thought they'd be in the Olympics but it was great for them, lots of friends, healthy activity. One DS still climbs too (now in the 20's). I would support your DS if you can. Has your DS ever done something because he enjoyed it? Asked him why he did his hobby and why he's not a pro yet!

So a couple of things here to help?

Sounds like your hubby is afraid of your son not making it again and reacting negatively. This is very emotive for a lot of men.

My son plays for a cat 1 and internationally so like other I may be able to help a little bit?

First development teams are about making money attached to the club. They aren’t about moving kids from development to academy. Sorry that may not be nice to hear but it’s true.

Almost no one goes from development to academy. Training once a week and games once a week isn’t a true reflection of academy life which is four times training a week and game on the weekend. The gap is too big and if your son wants it he will have to train at least twice elsewhere to be able to keep up if the opportunity for a trial comes up agan.

A lot of kids mature later and it really depends on what position your son plays so I wouldn’t worry about his size/weight at this stage. Some of thr best players come in around your sons age and it may interest your husband to know that onky abiut a third of my sons team have been there from day 1. Most were 13/14/15 when they came in.

If you son wants to make it he will need to excel completely in the development squad and if very lucky will be offered another trial. In all our years we have known one kid to do that and be successful. One. I say this to be realistic.

A cat 2 if very successful is probably looking at a league two career probs if lucky. That’s a good living and a good life but almost certainly won’t be PL or Championship. It depends on what ‘making it’ looks like. Being a pro can mean very different things.

I would always support my children and it’s worth understanding why your husband feels this way. The commitment is big if your son is successful and like most other kids there will be big bumps in the road (injuries, releases, scholar decisions etc) so your husband has to be onboard with that.

Good luck.

Wow your husbands horrible. If your son wants to do this it’s not his place to limit him, what’s actually wrong with him.

Is he thinking of your son being disappointed if he doesn't make it? You said your son is playing more cautiously. That stands out because that will be noticed. Regardless of size if he is cautious it will impact on whether or not he is chosen and I would imagine unless he is particularly good it will most likely rule him out. That said if he wants to take the opportunity of course he should be allowed, but he has to manage his expectations and be able to accept any rejection.

It’s a fine line because with something like this you can be setting them up for a fall and crushing disappointment DS will set his heart on it

guy at work had similar with his lad he got in a Preston
whilst it seemed fine 2 week and matches all over the commitment was enormous as as much as his lad protested it definitely had an impact on his education and final result