AIBU to not enjoy being around my kids?

[pickingthedandelions]

I don’t enjoy being with my children (4 and 2.)

I love them but I just want someone to take them off me so I can relax.

Is this normal? Probably not.

4 and 2 are tough ages. I definitely found my two very trying at that age. Give yourself some grace, OP. ❤️

Get a job and pay for childcare?

Where does OP say they don't work? It's Sunday? 🤨

I find responses like this interesting, because the assumption does seem to be that the poster doesn’t work. How old are you? I’m asking because I don’t know any SAHMs. I know a few who are part time (which I am) and some who are flexible but no one who is a SAHM.

Anyway, it isn’t a ‘solution.’ I really notice it when we’re all off together, how unenjoyable it feels!

And Easter Sunday! I guess I could get into nursing or work in a garage or something. I’ve got to go home sometimes though!

Oh my goodness I hear you loud and clear! I found this age incredibly challenging- probably the worst bit (for me)and I remember it vividly even though they are now well into their 30s and parents themselves.
FWIW I found them easier the older they got, even the teenage years were preferable for me.
Keep going, you’ve got this and nothing lasts forever! 💐

Did you, before you had your first, imagine it would be very different, OP? And has it been having 2 small children together that has made it unenjoyable?

Totally normal.
Parenthood is not all#makingmemories#cherisheverymoment

Sometimes its#fortheloveofgodgetmeoutofhere#whatdidIdowronginapastlifetodeservethis

Don’t we all! I think what I didn’t anticipate is how much they take … I mean, everything revolves around them and their needs, the TV can’t be on if it isn’t a kids show, DH and I can’t have a conversation without constant interruptions, if I try to sit somewhere else it’s just ‘mummmmmy!’

Oh I don’t know. They are so lovely but they are draining the life out of me as well! So relieved it’s not just me 😂

I’m way way out of this stage now, but I remember some friends talking about how they couldn’t understand people not wanting to be with their children 24/7. And I just blurted out “I find being with the children utterly overwhelming and my dream is to be in the house by myself!” The looks on their faces is something I haven’t forgotten.

No advice OP, just empathy. Sometimes parenting is fucking hard work and it sucks.

If this feeling wasn’t totally normal we wouldn’t have the adage “they’re wonderful when they’re asleep”

I found with mine, the year before they started school was brutal!

Don't give them airspace, op, they are just trying to stir up trouble.

It's such a demanding age. It will get better. My little one is only 1 and I'm due another in two weeks but I know pals with kids in the 2 and 4 age group are pulling hair out. School will soon start though for your 4 year old, 3 year old - pre school. You'll get a breather. There is nothing wrong with saying it's hard. It really is and I love my dd. We went through hell to bring her home after terrible losses. But it doesn't mean its easy either🥰🥰 lots of luck to you x

It's a small age gap and that's meant you haven't had a break for 4 years OP. Mine have a 4 year gap and I've found it easier brcause I've only had one small child at a time, and a period when the eldest was at preschool before the youngest was born, so I got a complete break from dcs for a while. It will be much easier once they're both at school and in drop-off clubs at weekends.

I'm a sahm btw, which is why I had that time for myself. If you're working I guess you get that time as a break from the dcs, but it's not really free time that you can choose what you want to do.

'Remind yourself it's a phase' was a mantra I used. It will get easier....Also dont put pressure on yourself to make every day an educational experience, kids that watch tv and screens survive..Good luck OP, you will get through this.

Ds is already at school, it’s just my youngest is full on. It’s not much fun.

I’m a nanny and have been for 15 years, and I’d say the majority of parents I’ve worked for think spending time with two children at once of these ages find it completely overwhelming and exhausting. So no you’re not in a minority. Some parents will do anything to actively avoid being with their two children at once, because they can’t handle it.

I obviously don’t or I’d be in the wrong job, but I do only have one child of my own.

I’ll be honest though, I do find it a bit sad sometimes. They’re not little for long.

Do you get any decent time for yourself? It's relentless when they are little, you need to find some time to be alone. Can you partner facilitate that?

Before I had kids, I remember another mum telling me that you will only get stressed if you can't accept that for the early years, you are on their schedule / agenda and that's it. It's a phase and it will pass, like everything else. If you are always thinking - "oh but, I need to do x,y,z" you will always feel like you're achieving nothing. Just responding and playing with the kids is enough. More than enough! Stop worrying about the rest. The key is to just embrace the early years and roll with it, basically. When you lean in, you can actually really enjoy it. I was a SAHM and the hardest part was probably when I has a small baby, a 2.5 year old and a 4 year old. It's draining in a very particular way. But it passes so quickly, so please try to enjoy it (or at least some of it). Netflix or whatever else you feel like doing will still be there when this phase morphs into the next!

I feel relieved you’ve said that really @DancingonmyOwn88 because it isn’t just me.

I often wish I’d stayed at just one but a bit late now.

It isn’t being bothered about ‘other stuff.’ It’s things like … we went to a national trust place and my two year old had two massive meltdowns, one because I took her away from a game (she was refusing to let any other child near it) and one because her coat didn’t have a hood 🤷‍♀️

I honestly don’t see what I could do to make that experience enjoyable!

I totally get that some days are like that. My four year old has misbehaved sometimes on some big days out (the most memorable was, I said no to a packet of crisps in the shop on the morning of his own birthday party. He went to get them anyway. I repeated the word no and let him straight out of the shop. He had the mother of all meltdowns in the street. Roaring at me, crying his eyes out. Obviously I’ve dealt with a tonne of toddler tantrums in my time but I will say it’s much easier to keep calm and rational when it’s not your own skin in the game 🤣)

Those ages are tough, you’re obviously not alive in feeling that. The advice I would give you is really savour the good bits, chalk up the bad, and sometimes do things in very small manageable chunks. Ie, walk to the shop, feed the ducks, home for nap and reset and bubbles in the garden or some easy craft activity. Then try and enjoy some time for yourself in the evening. I love being around kids but my evenings are sacred, I’m very strict about it.

I empathise massively because although I do really enjoy my children, I have many many moments of overwhelm. I do my research and I knew all the info about sensory overwhelm in kids, but I didn't expect to experience it myself. Loud, jangly places really set my nerves on edge, whereas I can arse about in the woods with them for ages. I find it stressful being cooped up too, but I know other parents who prefer to be at home with their kids. So I think finding your own comfort zone can help!

I definitely prefer being out with them: it is the constant noise (my ds has a toy chainsaw which I fucking hate and he loves) the constant talking, screeches, MUMMY …

Sounds like you could use a break. Little ones are a lot of work!

I felt the same about my DGS today. 18 months and trundles about grabbing at things and screaming. It’s challenging and there’s only one of him.

it’s perfectly normal to feel that way from time to time