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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to commit to giving my neighbours a lift to school everyday?

37 replies

NoLongerMyFirstPost · 18/06/2008 21:39

I really don't want to commit to giving them a lift everyday as I sometimes have to start work early, I call in to see my mum some mornings before work, pop to the shops, fill up with fuel etc which all mean I tend to leave at different times each day. I am, of course, happy to be called upon in emergencies but really don't want to commit to this everyday.

Neighbour does not drive, but can easily walk or even get a bus.

So what do you think, AIBU?

OP posts:
cornsilk · 18/06/2008 21:40

no - tell them

cazboldy · 18/06/2008 21:40

no definitely not

why have they asked you?

Original poster
NoLongerMyFirstPost · 18/06/2008 21:43

Our DCs are starting school in Sept and I guess neighbour is planning ahead.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 18/06/2008 21:44

YANBU. Just tell her you can't as you aren't able to be there at leaving time every day.

GivePeasAChance · 18/06/2008 21:44

IMHO Bit U.

Can't you talk about plans for a week etc rather than commit to lift for ever and ever?

avenanap · 18/06/2008 21:45

Just be honest and tell them if you can't do it. My neighbour takes my son and I to school most mornings as she has to take her son anyway. On the days she has to go to work early I will take him with my ds, a cab is only £2 more then the bus and it gets us there quicker. If you are going there anyway then YABU. She may even give you some towards the petrol costs.

cornsilk · 18/06/2008 21:46

It will be a pain. What if they or you are running late?

Sazisi · 18/06/2008 21:46

I can totally see your point.
If you want to be really lovely about it, you could commit to one set day each week (ie, whichever day is most convenient for you, if there is one obviously)

Heated · 18/06/2008 21:47

Apart from starting work early, do you do all the other things before the dcs start school in the morning?

LittleBella · 18/06/2008 21:51

A little bit. But only a teeny teeny tiny bit.

Car sharing is something to be encouraged imo, it's a tiny contribution to cutting down on emissions.

Why don't you just tell your neighbour that you may leave at differnt times each day, go and see your mum, some days you might be a bit late, etc., and if her kids are happy to go along with that, fine, but if not, you can't do it? I would also say that I would not wait for any late child, as the driver you can reserve the right to be late yourself, but not have passengers being late.

I would expect a petrol contribution though. The way fuel prices are going at the mo, you may be glad of it.

onepieceoflollipop · 18/06/2008 21:52

I think Sazisi is right, Better to make an offer like this and do it willingly and generously, than agree to every day and on some days be seething because it is inconvenient or you feel put upon.

I guess others say YABU but we are all different.

Original poster
NoLongerMyFirstPost · 18/06/2008 21:55

I probably should have said, the bus she would get needs to be booked in advance (special school bus) so I don't want to end up messing her around and leaving her with no option other than walking.

Heated, no I don't do all those things in the mornings - well not on the same day anyway

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 18/06/2008 21:55

Could you make an arrangement where you do alternate? You do the school run one week and she the next? (good for your child to get some walk and fresh air before school too) Or, you bring in the morning and she pick up?

QuintessentialShadows · 18/06/2008 21:56

Hang on, if there is a school bus, why cant yours go on the bus?

Heated · 18/06/2008 21:57

My mother used to drive us & the neighbours' children to school in the morning and they used to pick us up after, which was invaluable when my mother started work full time as my brother and I used to stay at their house until she got home.

I think neighbourliness & car-sharing should be encouraged but it imo it works best if it's reciprocal.

Original poster
NoLongerMyFirstPost · 18/06/2008 22:02

QS, its not a specific school bus, a rpivate firm that does the school routes. I am driving past the school everyday to get to work so may as well drop DC off.

I guess I am being a little unreasonable.

OP posts:
LovelyDear · 18/06/2008 22:05

a bit of cooperation is a very good thing - if you can split the responsibility it can be really good for everybody involved. i do it with my neighbours and sometimes it's a bit of a faff to collect other kids but actually they can really boost each other on the way to school - a grumpy start to the day from one of them is soon improved when the others get in the car/on the walk.

QuintessentialShadows · 18/06/2008 22:22

I am not sure how it works at your school, you may wish to find out the correct dropping off procedure.

If your school is like my sons school the parents/carer had to wait in the school playground until after the line up and the children had gone in. Finding somewhere to park around school, get your child out of the car, hang around and wait, possibly together with the neighbour who has been on the bus, might be a little awkward.

Your child is starting school. I would advise you to do all these little errands at some other time, you will be stressed out of your brains.

No reason why you should not team up with your neighbour as a good set up for school run and emergency after school care is invaluable!

Original poster
NoLongerMyFirstPost · 20/06/2008 12:44

QS, I'm quite familiar with stress, I currently have to get my DC to nursery and me to work (as well as running errands) by 9am/9.15am each day

Thanks for your replies, on reflection I do realise I am being a little unreasonable here. I also take on board your point QS about after school care being invaluable. Thanks

OP posts:
DarthVader · 20/06/2008 12:49

It would be good to come to a joint arrangement but you need to make sure that it suits both of you and not just your neighbour, otherwise there will probably be resentment somewhere down the line...

DirtySexyMummy · 20/06/2008 12:51

YABU

You are taking your own child, right? So whats the difference?

JudgeNutmeg · 20/06/2008 12:56

I don't think that you are being unreasonable at all if some form of mutually agreeable reciprocation hasn't been offered. I'm fairly sure that my neighbours are planning to ask me to have their ds every morning when he goes to senior school. However, the mum is very odd and doesn't speak to me for upto 12 months at a time and her ds doesn't play nicely with my children at all as he always has to win.

I see no reason whatsoever to help them out other than in an emergency and wouldn't be interested in my children having to spend any time with neighbours who, frankly, make them feel uncomfortable. It's a shame as her dh is such a lovely friendly chap.

If it isn't absolutely your hearts desire to do the school run every day, say that you are happy to do it in an emergency but that's all due to other arrangements/commitments you have.

Psychomum5 · 20/06/2008 12:57

I take my neighbours two children with me everyday, and have now for over a year.

it works well for us all......if I am unable to then she will help me (as long as I give warning as she works from 9.15 and doesn;t drive, so needs to know as she gets the bus), and the afternoon school runs are also shared as she will get the bus home with mine twice a week, I collect hers twice a week, and we each do our own once a week.

I think I do my little bit for the enviroment, and she is helped as she can get to work calmly rather than frazzled.

madmuggle · 20/06/2008 13:20

Not unreasonable. You're neighbours, not married Do as you wish to

AMAZINWOMAN · 20/06/2008 14:00

If she can walk to school, maybe some days she can walk with your kids to school too?