Child given money by "Vicar" at school

[TakeALookAtTheseSwatches]

So my 10 year old daughter (year 5) came home from school on Thursday and told us the Vicar (possibly just a trainee, I'm not entirely sure) who was taking their collective worship at school gave her £5 to "get herself an Easter treat" and that it was "just between me and you" I asked her if she told the teacher and she said no. I feel quite uneasy about this, should I say something to the school?

Ah, ok. Regardless of whether the person is male or female, or any other gender, it should still be raised now, well 5 days ago, not when school returns.

Nobody isn't taking it seriously.
Some are recognising theres not immediate danger. Therefore its reasonable to wait until school is back before speaking to them.

It just seems so random.
He randomly sat beside her, at the end of a row, whats the chances he will ever get the chance to sit beside her again at the end of a row? Or single her out in any other way.

Op hasn't mentioned being a church member, or him having any other opportunity to be near her DD.

That's what makes grooming seem unlikely to me.

Absolutely.

The powerful have always used the fear of repercussions over their victims. Haven’t we learned anything from all the scandals of the last few years?

There are plenty of people questioning whether the child is making it up, which is what I mean by not taking it seriously.

I would approach the vicar and say

’ Thank you for your generosity with giving my DC the money, very kind of you but there’s genuinely no need. We have therefore made a donation to NSPCC with the funds’.

hooefully he gets the hint that your daughter isn’t going to keep his secret, you’re aware it happened, won’t escalate it at this point in the time and the charity named is a telling indication should, God forbid, his intentions were less than honourable.

10 days later? Would you think the Vicar would find this odd?
As debated, and said many times, it's a safeguarding issue, and needs to be followed up as such.

my post was made in the spirit that would have been the first time she actually sees the vicar.

there’s been Easter holidays etc

Quite frankly why should I care what the Vicar find odds, I’d say his behaviour at best could be deemed odd by some…

As stated, that’s how I would have approached the issue, making it clear my child has told me about the situation, I find it odd, I have made a donation of the same amount to charity.

I would then escalate further if needs be.

Also if the Vicar has no idea what the OP is talking about it would then appear the child may not have been telling the truth.

people can handle it as they see fit this was my opinion.

Ok, that's fine. I'm just saying that it's now gone forward as a safeguarding concern.

@Needspaceforlegothere may be no immediate danger for OP's child, but other children may well be at risk.

Sorry, I didn’t read all 29 pages.

Apologises for that.

to clarify, this has been reported to the school?

im trying to catch up on the thread so sorry in advance.

As a parent I’m now learning a lot from the thread so thanks ladies.

Don't apologise! A lot has been said. Basically it is a safeguarding concern, so the OP has reported it to the school, in the hope it will be e forwarded to the Safeguarding Lead for a follow up. The school should really have that email contact on the home page. However.
She should also contact the Diocese, because the vicar has broken the safeguarding rules and this needs to be acted on. However, I don't know if she's done that.

As a vicar I genuinely believe that this is terrible advice. I know the OP hasn't done this and has reported, but the reasons this is terrible advice are:

1. We don't know that the person involved actually was the vicar, they could be a curate, they could be someone else who takes assemblies. If one of my team had done this I would like it investigated properly. I would be totally confused if a parent randomly came up to me and said that they had given the money to charity, and probably assume they had me mixed up with someone else, nod along and think no more of it. (I have some very random conversations with people e.g. where I have been accused of being the sole reason behind homelessness, drug addiction, slave trade reparations etc where it is easier to smile and nod). Whereas if the school/safeguarding came to me to find out what happened then, firstly the school will know who was actually on site and can investigate accordingly, secondly if it was a well meaning but very badly thought through thing that someone from my church had done I could make sure that they went through appropriate training and didn't do it again.
2. If it were me as the vicar that had done it, I deserve to be severely pulled up by the safeguarding team and retrained to learn why I shouldn't do it again. Because even if I had done it innocently e.g. I have been talking about Maundy Money in assembly and it historically went to people who were in poverty, and a child puts their hand up and says "We don't have enough money so I have never had an Easter Egg" so I give them some money so they can get an Easter Egg saying "don't tell the others as I can't afford to buy everyone an egg". Then I really need much better training as to why that is totally inappropriate. Equally if I had done it to start grooming this child then some hint that a parent is on to me probably isn't going to stop me doing it to another child instead.

The school should automatically report this concern to the diocesan safeguarding in much the same way that if it were reported to the diocese they would automatically contact the school.

Pre-empting the investigation by questioning/speaking to either party, the victim or the perpetrator is a huge no no and should not be undertaken in any circumstances. It should be left to the professionals.

100%. Because of the potential for leading the witness.

This.

She seems to have changed her story.

First she was sitting next to the vicar, now the vicar was sitting at tge back ot the hall on a sofa.
First she said the other girl saw the incident and could corroborate, but the other girl said she didn't and only saw your dd take the money out of her bag.
I'm all for listening to children when they make a disclosure, but this story is starting to unravel!

God, seriously, op?
She probably nicked it…

You are mistaken. I assumed she was sat next to the vicar because she originally said they were sat "near" each other but when I asked some more detailed questions she then told me the exact seating positions.

The girl who possibly saw the interaction happen asked my daughter about it but my daughter lied to the girl and said the money was from her bag because she had been told by the vicar to "keep it between you and me".

You’ve reported this now as a safe guarding issue presumably so the facts should be ascertained by the relevant authorities.

Yes, I still haven't heard anything so I'm not expecting to until the school reopens on the 20th.

I want to know why @TakeALookAtTheseSwatches hasn't told us the sex of this person, after being asked several times. It's hardly going to prejudice any outcome or give away the person's name.

@AgentPidge why do you need to know? If OP doesn't want to tell us then how does that affect you? If you've asked several times then accept the answer you're being given.

It doesn't matter. Any adult behaving in the way this person is alleged to have behaved is either a predator or very stupid. Either wat, any sex, it needs to be investigated and addressed properly.

I just think it's odd to not say, because It doesn't give the whole context. I said it because it seems relevant after OhWiseOne's comments about her seeming to change her story. It would still be wrong of course, but there's a lot of difference between a pervy bloke and a lovely granny type giving a little girl money for an Easter Egg for example, if she'd said she hadn't had one. Yes, still not appropriate. But context. We wouldn't know if the granny was pervy, but it's a lot less likely.

See my reply above.