Child given money by "Vicar" at school

[TakeALookAtTheseSwatches]

So my 10 year old daughter (year 5) came home from school on Thursday and told us the Vicar (possibly just a trainee, I'm not entirely sure) who was taking their collective worship at school gave her £5 to "get herself an Easter treat" and that it was "just between me and you" I asked her if she told the teacher and she said no. I feel quite uneasy about this, should I say something to the school?

And so are you. Very.

???

I mean this very respectfully, is there any chance that the few posters who are squabbling could stop? Please?

You could always ask MN HQ for the posts to be removed ?

“Hi, thanks so much for the report. We don’t feel these posts are breaking any guidelines at the moment. However, we rely on people reporting any posts to us so do please continue to report”.

I’ve had similar replies to this many times.

I don’t report any more. No point.

Anyway, you seem to think they’re okay (I think) so that’s all good then. As you were. I’m sure they are scratching an itch for those who are indulging.

@NoCommentingFromNowOn I don’t report any more. No point.

That's like people saying "I don't vote because it doesn't make any difference".

One thing is certain that if you don't report/vote nothing will happen !

I’ve reported things four times before they got deleted.

I’ve reported false cancer cures, so did other people, two days later it was still there.

I’ve copied Justine’s comment (about low level sniping) to the mods. They had no answer.

I’ve been in email contact with them more than once.

I’ve seen many many threads started by people saying how harsh it is here, how nasty some posters are.

I’ve seen distressed women here torn to shreds.

It’s a private business, now sold, or soon to be sold. If the people in charge are happy then that’s fine. I just thought I’d try to appeal to people’s better nature. Those posts are unlikely to get deleted. And that’s fine, they are a visible reminder to anyone reading that some people are here to lash out at literally anyone.

I’m too tired to report yet again with the aim of making this place better, it’s not my job. Ultimately I’ve stopped caring.

I won’t reply again on this subject, but have a lovely Easter (what is left of it anyway).

🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣

One of the most naive and foolish comments I’ve ever seen on Mumsnet.

Well, if the poster doesn't know what Maundy Money is that shows that someone, somewhere neglected that person's education.
It may not be that person's fault, so be a bit more charitable...

https://www.royal.uk/royal-maundy-service

What is Mounday money?
Google says something to do with Monarch and charity. But posters have also said they received Mounday money as children?

Could different areas have different traditions of it?
North of the border I've never heard of it but that doesn't mean that its not a 'thing' in different areas.

is it possible another child has given them the money and they are trying to mislead you ? Sounds very odd and should be investigated ?

Yes you did well to email the school. Its a safeguarding issue.

I say this as a woman married to a Cof E Vicar always in school working with little people and teens and loves it. He is WELL aware of risks, is never alone with one child, will always buy the entire group he's working with a treat never just one and never money eg. he bought the school worship team kids mini eggs for helping with school assembly over Holy Week. He will high five rather than hug. He also would never have done this as a curate.
For your own information I'd check properly who she means as my husband has two church volunteers who go out with him into local schools who aren't vicars but people often refer to them as such. So if she can remember the name or description, this sounds wildly inappropriate and needs reporting. If they don't respond your local diocese also have safeguarding procedures in place. C of E and Catholic have different diocese too.

The Vicar would not necessarily be escorting the curate around. My husband was more or less completely autonomous a fee weeks in 😀

Not nice

This is extremely worrying. OP you’ve definitely done the right thing by contacting the school.
I hope you’ve written a word for word account on paper of what your daughter has said at the time, dated. Plus anything else she says later.
Put the £5 in a sealed ziplock bag. It
could later, god forbid, be evidence.
Please ensure the school are doing what they should be. A school DSL and HT should be investigating this fully, contacting LADO (& I think Ofsted) not just ringing Vicar Fred to ask.

And hopefully it was all a misunderstanding, and a parable about money that got misconstrued.

I hope you’ve had a response from the school.

Please report to the LADO at the council, I'd be worried school or church would not follow up sufficiently and nobody will be gathering a picture if other similar reports have been made

It can't be deemed Maundy Money - that is special coins given to the elderly in a special service. It's very odd behaviour, definitely needs to be reported to the school - staff should be aware and able to fill in any gaps about what happened / what they observed at the time.

As a female sports coach I can tell you that the very basic safeguarding anyone is told when working with children is to NOT single out children or a child for ‘special’ treatment. In anyway. As for speaking to them an saying is a ‘secret’ or giving them gifts and saying it’s a ‘secret’ it should be common sense to any adult not to do this with a child - let alone one you have no relation to.
Massive RED FLAG for any adult that thinks this behaviour is okay in this setting.

I don’t even have the phone numbers of my teen charges - everything and I mean EVERYTHING goes through the parents - much to some parents frustration sometimes. ‘Can’t you just text and ask where they are?’ No, I can’t. They’re late, you’re the parent, you need to call them and ask them where they are as the match is about to start and they aren’t here! And no, they haven’t told me they’re going to be late because they do t have my phone number either, because they’re under 18.
And no it’s not ‘ elf and safety’ gone mad as one dad told me. It’s there for the protection of YOUR child. Emotional, mental as well as physical.

Our school closed ranks when our priest was accused of child sexual abuse. Against a member of his own family years before he came to our country. Stories in the paper back home etc. The priest was terminally ill when this came to light and was never prosecuted but school and a lot of parents and the church community stood by the priest and refused to believe it. The diocese did nothing and refused to engage with his accuser. When no further action was taken against him the school newsletter stated how wonderful this was and the priest was celebrated.
He was creepy. Lots of people didn’t like him and his views on some things but the school and governors would have anyone believe he was a saint.
He married me and my now ex husband and made sexist jokes at the ceremony which put me off him before all this came to light.
My point is that I’d be wary of expecting school to do anything except deny this happened and if it were me I’d be going to the police. It’s not like it’s rare in the church for clergy to be deviants.
I’m sorry this happened to your daughter.

No. The school will have to act, @Pinklightning Believe me.

I hope the days of schools ignoring things like this are over - followed up
with them in what has been done.

Your school will have a designated safe guarding lead (DSL) who is available to contact at all times, including over school holidays.

The school website ought to make it obvious how to contact this person.

Sometimes they have an online system of reporting concerns, for example, which will be monitored.

Have a look at the website, it should show you the best way to contact someone. Then make sure you include your details, your child's name, everything she has said about the incident, and the best way that they can contact you. Make it clear that you would like some kind of follow up so that you know this has been actioned.

If you don't hear anything for a couple of days, at that point I would consider taking it further, and contacting local authority safeguarding (again, you can Google this).

Best case scenario, either your daughter has got the wrong end of the stick, or the curate is still early in his training and hasn't yet grasped what is and is not an appropriate way to conduct himself in schools. In that case, it's important to flag it, as there is a clear training need here at the very least.

Worst case, there is something more sinister going on.

Does your daughter attend church or a church youth group, OP? I was wondering if there are any other ways this guy could have access to her that you need to be careful about.