Child given money by "Vicar" at school

[TakeALookAtTheseSwatches]

So my 10 year old daughter (year 5) came home from school on Thursday and told us the Vicar (possibly just a trainee, I'm not entirely sure) who was taking their collective worship at school gave her £5 to "get herself an Easter treat" and that it was "just between me and you" I asked her if she told the teacher and she said no. I feel quite uneasy about this, should I say something to the school?

100% put it in an email so you have a paper trail, in addition to speaking to the Head face to face to explain what happened. Cc in the lead governor, ask to see their complaints policy and specifically say in the email that they are to take this as an official complaint and you want to be notified of how it has been addressed and the outcomes. Tell them if they fail to do so, you will go to the police. It is REALLY important that you do it this way so they don’t brush it under the carpet. This is totally unacceptable and that ‘vicar’ could be a real danger to any young person they come into contact with, especially one that is vulnerable or doesn’t have someone they feel comfortable telling like your daughter has. I guarantee the school will be appalled, in fact they’ll sh1t themselves because this is the epitome of safeguarding red flags, they can’t be allowed to pacify you with play-downs and make it quietly disappear. You also need to tell her she’s amazing for telling you and reward her for her honesty. Don’t leave it, he cannot be allowed to behave like this, there’s a strong possibility his behaviour could escalate if it’s not addressed, it’s dodgy AF, massively inappropriate, very ill-judged at best.

You should contact either the Police on 101 or Children's Social Care as the Vicar is in a position of trust and this may need LADO involvement.

https://www.durham.gov.uk/article/33386/Privacy-notice-for-Local-Authority-Designated-Officer-LADO-children-s-social-care

LADO Contact Number – 03000 268835

You should definitely report this incident, even if it turns out to be false. Is there a school mum/dad/carer of a child in the same class you trust and can chat to in confidence (without giving too much away) to see what their child told them about what went on?

You might contact someone on the PTA or even parents WhatsApp group to see if they have an email address - copy in the head as well as safeguarding lead.

You need to talk to the school. He’s their guest and so their responsibility in the first instance.

Talk then report because once reported it’s out of your hands and you may not find out what’s gone/going on.

As others have said praise your daughter for coming to you - but not to include her too much in reporting, comments etc.

I hope it’s all a misunderstanding but from what you’ve written I fear it’s not. It’s not just the gift but the ‘it’s a secret’ business.

I’ve had to say the odd thing to new/junior teachers - but nothing like this. Ever.

Mine were more to do with the inappropriateness of farting jokes.

Durham county council will definitely have a LADO that will be monitoring calls and messages over the holiday. Not sure on weekends and bank holidays. https://durham-scp.org.uk/practitioners/allegations-against-staff-or-volunteers-lado/

I’d be going to LADO & church in the meantime before school.

Anyone working with children should be doing basic safeguarding training and keeping ‘just between you & me’ is clearly taught as a huge red flag.

Either the church / school isn’t training whoever they’re sending out to well enough or perhaps not screened well enough.

I’m not sure why you’d wait and give someone the chance to explain with this. Your child hasn’t been safeguarded and whoever’s fault it is needs a rocket up thier arse. Ignorance is not a valid reason.

Highlighting certain failures in child protection often leads to more rigorous protocols or sadly uncovering more severe issues. It’s child protection, nothing too small to ignore.

Volunteer DBS are paid for by the church or other organisation and are much cheaper than one for work, just over £10 last I heard ( sign up to the update service and other organisations you volunteer for can use the DBS ( but you can't use it for paid positions) if you already have one the church can use that , obviously doing all the id checks

The emails will all have the same format so first name. Lastname@school.ac.uk or similar so whatever their school admin address is replace the first part with firstname. Lastname@

Of course I know what it is, I wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise. At my primary school on Maundy Thursday we all got a coin, thats why I mentioned it to the op as the child was given money on Maundy Thursday.
Just because this is not something that may have happened at your school is no excuse to imply someone is stupid for bringing it up.

You shouldn’t have had to prove the holidays but as someone that also lives in County Durham, school broke up on Thursday.

I would speak to the school to get the context. My children went to a C of E primary school and never received money when the minister was there for assemblies. £5 is a lot to give if every child was being given money. I do hope there’s a simple explanation and nothing sinister. Good that your child told you about it.

This! There should be no secrets or 'just between me and you' whatsoever!

With the rates of reported historical and current child abuse, you are alarmingly naive. It’s not a conspiracy, it’s safeguarding as now we KNOW that a percentage of adult men are paedophiles (even if many don’t act on it to a criminal level).

Lived experience thanks

Yeah let’s never believe women and girls when they are subject to grooming or abuse.

It seems from reading the thread that more schools were open than shut so @MagicTapemust be feeling pretty stupid right now. As a PP said, trying to cast aspersions on OP’s story?

Glad you’ve contacted school OP. I would also contact the diocese safeguarding officer. And depending on whether both school and diocese act immediately, LADO too.

Assuming she’s telling the truth, then at worst he’s grooming, but even at best he’s displaying appalling judgement and a total lack of safeguarding understanding. Which is also totally unacceptable in his position.

Brace yourself for having to stand up for your child though. I’d expect him to just blatantly deny this ever happened.

Better some kids miss out on lessons than even one kid is abused.
Shame you can’t see that.

6?? OP said her daughter was 10. Year 5.

Worst advice ever. OP should follow safeguarding protocols, email school and LADO, Diocese, as stated many times in thread.

He played the guitar and was helping some children learn and he had parents' permission for that, This involved sitting behind the child on another chair and guiding their fingers into position on the fret.

That is not how to teach guitar.

Your whatsboutism is sickening. Yes there are abusers and paedophilic abusers everywhere - that’s the fucking point, so everyone should do everything they can to protect children and the vulnerable.

Pay the DBS or let a primary age kid be raped by a disgusting pervert? Ooh tough choice.

Why should OP trust you, random internet person? You could be anybody

Oh my goodness, call the school immediately and request that vicar guy be nowhere near children.Huge red flag 1 - giving your daughter money ie a gift. Huge red flag 2 - asking her to keep it a secret. This is paedophilic behaviour and it needs reporting immediately. Do not second guess this. You had a hunch it was off so trust your gut instinct. No need for niceties and polite behaviour when it comes to protecting kids.

I’m afraid I wouldn’t wait for school to reopen, I’d report to the police. And I say that as an officer working in child protection. Schools aren’t investigators. They don’t hold intelligence on people. And if they do their own investigation they could give the person the heads up it’ll be handed to police, but still nothing will happen for another fortnight. Please call it in and report it.