AIBU to feel uneasy not meeting anyone in his life yet?

[Imowningup]

Help a girl out…

In my first relationship since separating 2 years ago and I’ve been seeing the new guy for 6 months. It’s all SO good. He’s emotionally available, transparent, considerate, consistent, no drama, good Co parenting relationship with his ex (50:50), stable job, shared values etc etc

I have 2 primary age children and he has 3 older children (23, 19 and 14) of which one lives with him and one is with him every other week (one is at uni and the uni is closer from dads than mums) so to date we haven’t met kids/families etc and I’m ok with that. I won’t even consider introducing him to my kids for another 5/6 months.

My issue- it’s not just the kids we haven’t met- it’s anyone. I actually feeL
as if I’m in a secret relationship. Is it normal for 6 months in to not have met friends other family etc? I know I could take the lead but I almost now feel
as if I’m mentally building it into something it isn’t. Am I? Is this normal? I guess I want to start seeing other parts of his life and for him to share parts of mine. Is that unreasonable at this stage? Any suggestions as to how I bring it up?

It’s totally normal if you are not sure about someone and don’t see a future with that persons

That is a bit weird tbh. I met more of DH’s friends in the first 6 months and that was in a lockdown.

Why don’t you just flat out ask him why you haven’t met his friends?

Has he met your friends and family? And you have not suggested it.

Is he very close to his ex?

@Imowningup not weird at allk

Has he got many friends?

It sounds like he hasn't met your family and friends? He could be wondering why he hasn't met yours!!
6 months is an great time to start meeting people so why not take the lead and he will probably follow.

I'm definitely the more social and have a wide circle of friends who are pivotal in my life.

Yes. And a the long Easter Weekend should present some ‘natural’ opportunities.

But you haven’t introduced him to a single one

I'm aware of this. I think the subtle diffrence is we tend to meet closer to where I life so while there hasn't been an introduction to my friends he has met people I know in passing (when out for food etc). I've not once met ANYbody he has even said hello to.

I do appreciate I could just offer he joins me and a few friends next week, I just feel I've made this into a big issue in my head or maybe I'm worried he isn't as invested as me and if I suggest it he's going to be horrified.

Strikes me that maybe neither of you are sure that this has legs

Does he have friends? And he may not want you to meet family yet, it's complicated when there are children involved.

This is all odd

you have have friends central to your life and all that’s Happened is you’ve bumped in to people in passing you know… but fact he has not bumped in to people he knows (not odd conssiding he’s coming to your area) has concerned you?

No this is partly because when. have the opportunity to see him I do that instead of arrange things with friends but I should now just book a diner for both.

He is friendly with his ex. They've been apart for 13 years though and he's had significant relationships in that time.

Make the first move 🤷‍♀️

That's the odd thing- he clearly indicates it has. He is VERY vocal about this and is open to being vuneralbe about his feelings. I also feel the same.

I think I need to.

On the friends front - does he have any? Some people just don’t have a social circle, or have more acquaintances than friends. Nothing wrong with it but might explain that. Does he talk about anyone? Have nights out / socialise?

What relatives does he have that you haven’t met?

Yes I completely understand this and as I said I don't want to cross that bridge for at least another 5/6 months. I think a lot of my questioning comes from the fact this is my first relationship after my marriage and since being a parent so I have no idea what is normal.

No often, no. He has friends he does hobbies with but not many he would see out with the hobby nights. He has parents, 3 siblings and aunts & uncles he sees regularly

Has he told anyone?

I honestly don't know! We talk a lot about his kids and family so I know a lot about them, see photos, know what they are doing etc but don't know if this goes both ways.

So much for him being “transparent”

Have you asked him if his family and friends know about you?

He is- I know a lot about his day to day life and that of his family. How would I know what he talks to them about? It's not something I've asked directly.