AIBU to feel uneasy not meeting anyone in his life yet?

[Imowningup]

Help a girl out…

In my first relationship since separating 2 years ago and I’ve been seeing the new guy for 6 months. It’s all SO good. He’s emotionally available, transparent, considerate, consistent, no drama, good Co parenting relationship with his ex (50:50), stable job, shared values etc etc

I have 2 primary age children and he has 3 older children (23, 19 and 14) of which one lives with him and one is with him every other week (one is at uni and the uni is closer from dads than mums) so to date we haven’t met kids/families etc and I’m ok with that. I won’t even consider introducing him to my kids for another 5/6 months.

My issue- it’s not just the kids we haven’t met- it’s anyone. I actually feeL
as if I’m in a secret relationship. Is it normal for 6 months in to not have met friends other family etc? I know I could take the lead but I almost now feel
as if I’m mentally building it into something it isn’t. Am I? Is this normal? I guess I want to start seeing other parts of his life and for him to share parts of mine. Is that unreasonable at this stage? Any suggestions as to how I bring it up?

No as I'm not sure how to frame this- I'm open to suggestions!

Which given how important it seems to be to you… is odd.

He has never mentioned that his parents are keen to meet you for example?

This is my thinking.

You say you have loads of friends, that he comes over to where you live, and you haven't introduced him to you friends, yet you think it odd he hasn't introduced you to his friends even though he doesn't tend to see people outside of seeing them at hobbies / activities and you (as a couple) do your socialising near where you live ??

He has adult children. He might feel they should be first to meet you, so if he isn't yet ready to introduce you to them, he doesn't want to introduce you to others either.

Can you sound out the idea of meeting e.g. discuss having a BBQ in the summer or going for drinks with others and see how he responds?

How much do you socialize with friends? I do drinks or dinners a few times a year so he naturally would have been invited along to one of those by now

We were together nearly a year before I met his parents and still haven’t met many of his wider family/friends nearly two years in. He isn’t hiding me and he isn’t keeping us separate, the opportunity just hasn’t come up. I tend to take more of a lead socially so naturally he’s seen more of mine.

“Have you told your DC / parents / friends that you are dating me?”

I dont think its that weird. My DH and I don’t have couple friends. I have quite a few friends but I tend to see them in female only groups or a one to one basis. He has much fewer friends that he’s ok just seeing two or three times a year if that. If you want to meet his parents or family perhaps suggest a Sunday lunch meetup somewhere between the two areas and just keep it low key or bring him along to something social with your
group and see if that triggers something with him. Haven’t your friends asked about meeting him ?

If you are making heavy weather of asking him a perfectly straightforward question about whether he’s told his family and friends he’s in a relationship, I’m not sure this has legs…?

Neither of you have introduced one another to anyone meaningful in each other’s lives

And you’re tying yourself up in knots about asking him a very straightforward question

perhaps neither of you have introduced the other to anyone else because neither of you are really sure this is actually heading anywhere.

Talk to him, he may just be following your lead. Say you’d like him to get to know some of your friends/family and does he feel ready to do the same?

Sounds fine to me. It’s better to take things slower and make sure you’re 💯 before introducing to other people.

Talk to him about this. Suggest that you meet each others friends first then family. His response will give you an indication of how he feels about the relationship.
I was kept well away from my exes family for quite a while and even after I met them I was never invited to be part of any family gatherings on a regular basis. He’d met my friends but I remained separate from the important people in his life. I should have worked out sooner that I was never a priority and commitment wasn’t something he wanted.
So you should have this conversation sooner rather than later.

It’s understandable not meeting the kids. But I think it’s odd not to meet other friends and family that far along. I think relationships should expand both your lives, beyond just the ‘couple’, and meeting people who are central to each others’ lives is part of that.

I watched a colleague/ friend date many different men for years (it was very tiresome). The future husband was one who brought her fully into his life, and vice versa, very early on. That for me was an early indicator that he was a keeper.

And this is a chap that you’ve been going out with for 6 months, and really like and see as very transparent? You don’t seem at all confident or relaxed about him.

Btw, you're thinking of introducing him to your very young children when you've known each other for a year. This is not long enough to know if he can be trusted with something so important. Btw once more, yours is the third post I've read where a woman describes a new man as 'emotionally available.' I had trouble getting my head round this, so did some googling. Just about every man I've been involved with presented thus at the beginning. It would be prudent not to automatically assume that this will be the case for all time.

I met DH parents on our first date! We were parking on their drive to go for a walk and I needed the loo!! And he met my parents and brother and his family the following week! I was due to go see them and invited him along! For a bit of context we met online during one of the Covid lockdowns so had been messaging and FaceTiming for 6 weeks by the time we actually met up, we had an epic 12 hour first date and by that point knew we’d be together forever!!