To think you can’t move a child abroad without consent?

[cruelworld12]

Hi all,

My dad has 3 younger children from his second marriage (now separated). Two are very early 20’s. He’s rubbish with technology and neurodiverse so asking for him as I’m all he’s got support wise.

The youngest is still only a young teen and is autistic, he goes to a specialist school etc so he’s much younger than his age. My dad sees him every other weekend and they live in the same village as she accepted a council house there. There’s no court order in place.

My dad’s ex moved on with another man after they separated. In doing so, she told their eldest he’d have to move out so it’s her, her partner, my youngest brother and my sister. She initially wouldn’t tell him anything about this man, only that he had some top secret MI5 job (this isn’t the case, he’s a civil servant). This man has been living with her and my brother for some time but they have never made any attempts for my dad to meet him or at least know who’s involved with his son’s life.

A few days ago, my dad’s ex messaged saying she wanted to meet him with this man. My dad asked why and refused and she would only say it was something to do with my brother and her partner’s work. We immediately thought, moving away. My dad still refused the meeting as he was too overwhelmed and shocked, about what it might mean and that he’d never met this man before.

My dad went to collect my brother tonight and the partner comes out to him. He’s always hidden away at drop offs etc, as I say, my dad has never met him. My dad’s ex didn’t come out. This man then decided to tell my dad that as he works away a lot, they’re going to be moving abroad, which will be a great opportunity for my dad’s ex and my brother to live abroad. He told him no details on where/when etc, only that it might be about October time, so he thought he’d give him the heads up now. He then left it on that note and went back inside, leaving my dad to take my brother away, with that now dropped on him.

What, if anything, can my dad do about this? Is it not child abduction if they take him against my dad’s consent? Understandably he’s full of emotions and all over the place and I just want to give him a bit of a plan.

He needs legal advice asap

My dad works but only as a window cleaner so he’s not a very high earner. I don’t know if he would be able to get any help with legal fees, beyond the 30 free minutes.

She works as a dinner lady at my brother’s school but also gets additional benefits for my brother, plus her partner’s wage and he’s ex military so he doesn’t know how on earth to go up against them.

Does he have parental responsibility? Is he on the birth certificate?
How old is the young teen? Presumably under 16?

Yes, he’s on the birth certificate. They’ve only been separated a few years so my dad was with him constantly for most of his life, he’s 13.

What does the 13 year old want?

Assuming you are in England/Wales, then yes it is a criminal offence to take a child under 16 out of the country without the consent of a father with PR: https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1984/37/section/1

That said, it's much more important to stop it happening in the first place. He might want to try this charity advice line, especially if legal fees will be difficult: https://www.reunite.org

They haven’t told my brother very much about what’s actually happening but he also can’t fully understand what it actually means to go and live in another country and barely see my dad again.

Thank you for the links above, I’ll have a look.

I guess step 1 is to find out what the brother wants. If he doesn’t want to move it might be worth considering a solicitor. If he wants to move he’d probably only have a chance to stop it if they are moving somewhere unsafe or somewhere he wouldn’t be able to get an education. Would your dad have his son full-time, has he ever had him 50% of the time?

Cross posted and have just seen his age. I think at 13 your dad would have a chance at stopping the move.

Yes your dad needs to apply for a child arrangements order to stop this ASAP. I would say given his age and the additional special needs and fact he is in specialist school he has a good chance.

Does your dad do stuff like maintain contact with childs school ie parents evenings, decent contact to ensure he knows how son is doung ditto with any therapies or services he needs to be able to show he is regularly involved.

Every other wewkend is good. Is he able to offer more contact? Even if mum declines.

I suggest he emsils or texts, so there is a record. Politely and ask how childs needs could be met in this country? Focus on bedt interests of child. Polite. No mud slinging etc just asking polite questions re education, living, support for his needs and how on earth he would be able to maintain a relationship.

Let the school know and thd local authority that you would not be happy for ehcp to be changed or ceased assuming he has an ehcp as at specialist school.

Your dad needs to apply for a child arrangement order and prohibited steps order. The latter places a prohibition on someone doing something ie moving child away.
There's loads of info on .Gov website. Your dad can self apply and doesn't need a solicitor as forms are pretty self explanatory.

As well as all the stuff about legal advice, which your dad needs to get asap, I think it’s also worth him finding out if your brother has a designated case worker in children’s services. A lot of disabled children do even if it’s not someone you use very much. They are there to offer help and signposting and will be able to advise, especially as this doesn’t sound like it would be in your brother’s best interests for him to leave a specialist school where he is settled and for him to be taken away from your dad with whom he has a relationship.

Your dad needs to fill in a C100 and make an application for a child arrangement order and a prohibited steps order. If he cannot afford legal advice, he can still represent himself.

Thank you all for advice so far, it really is appreciated.

This isn’t just me being biased but she really is an awful person. She’s always been very strict with contact and when my dad can and can’t have him and using him and maintenance as a weapon. My dad used to be a support worker for autistic adults so he’s very much switched on to caring for him and best supporting him.

Recently she told my dad he had to take holidays to have my brother additionally, so she could go on holiday with her new partner, yet told my dad he’d have to pay her more maintenance for the extra time she ‘had’ to have him when my dad was genuinely poorly and couldn’t have my brother one weekend. Nothing is ever asked or discussed, it’s always, you’ll do what I say or I’ll punish you with contact or money type of approach.

My dad is terrified of flying, which she knows and we know she wouldn’t facilitate video calls or maintaining contact, especially given she couldn’t even tell my dad this herself and left it to the partner my dad has never met.

When they were together, she once upped and took the two eldest when they were children, emptied the house of most of the furniture and had her dad come out and threaten my dad with a plank of wood.

She signed up for finances when married to my dad, not telling him properly what he was signing (yes he should’ve definitely read it) so when they separated, he had to pay it all off.

My brother goes to a specialist school and has his care plan which my dad is involved in and gets all of the reports / paperwork from school. I’m not sure how that would transfer but we can’t even really think about forward planning as they haven’t told my dad where it might be or even when, just probably October.

Yes it’s very straightforward, but he’ll need to stamp mediation with the mum first.
mediation is about £100 for the initial MIAM meeting and about £200 for the first session, but the mediators can arrange a £500 government voucher for the sessions. I guess he can hear more about it and why she thinks it will be good for him, where the will live, go to school etc, and his sons views. Then he can decide if he consents.
if he doesn’t consent he can go to court for a prohibited steps order. Thats under £300 to apply. They will take a teens views into consideration (if he really wants to move they’ll let him, if he wants to stay home with dad they’d still probably let him) but your dad would need to argue that he could keep him at the same school and have him live in 100% of the time and see his mum on school hols. If your dad can’t house him he’d have much less chance of it stopping. Fathers justice uk is a good facebook group for good advice.

attempt mediation, not stamp mediation

Your dad sounds very kind but also incredibly passive. He has even let her dictate when he can see his child instead of getting a court order, it seems unlikely that he will have the drive to follow through with this. Are you in a position to help him with the paperwork?

Would the OP be able to attend these with her Dad. It sounds like her little brother has a large family support network around him if people who love and understand him. Mum sounds like a bit of a bully and quite intimidating, whereas OP sounds kind, but strong and articulate, which a gentle man like her father might need.

As others have said, he needs legal advice asap. I understand that your dad is feeling overwhelmed right now, and his ex is deeply unpleasant but it’s in both his and his child’s best interests to deal with his straightaway.

I’d suggest you or your dad give Reunite a call. They are a charity that specialise in cases where a child has been, or may be, taken abroad. https://www.reunite.org/

Passive is exactly him unfortunately!

I would be more than willing to help him with paperwork and supporting him. I do think she’s banking on my dad not really knowing much about any of this and being alone.

She can't legally do it, but that doesn't stop people. He needs to put an emergency application in to the family courts for a child arrangements order with a prohibited steps order.

What’s happening to your sister? Will she be moving with them too? I assume most of his family will be in this country?

Your dad needs to apply to thr crts for custody and a prohibited steps order, he can do this himself without a lawyer but he'd be best getting 1.
Also tell his ex that he isn't giving permission and if she tries to remove his child from the uk he will have her and her partner arrested for kidnap (that is what it would be), also contact the passport office and let them know that she's intending to kidnap his son as they can cancel your brother's passport or refuse to issue one if he doesn't have a valid one.
Good luck

Their oldest child, my other brother got told he had to move out when she accepted this house as there wasn’t room for him, so he’s in a little town living with his girlfriend, in her brother’s house whilst he works away.
My sister has a job and a boyfriend here so she won’t be moving and it was only mentioned that it would be my youngest brother and my dad’s ex. We did suspect, given his ex’s previous, that she might try to keep the council house on, with my sister living there.
He has no family links anywhere else, it would be my brother, the new partner and his mother in a different country.