What can I do about my aging mid-40s face?

[ThatNimblePeer]

Just been on a long Zoom call with a friend, which was lovely, but I do find it a bit hard to confront the reality of my mid-40s face on screen. Mainly neck lines, under-eye circles which I hate, and some forehead lines. I use moisturiser, I have some under-eye concealer, but there are limits to the difference it makes. I don’t really want to do Botox. I could try tretinoin but I’m nervous about upping my risk of skin cancer. Do I basically just have to accept that this is it now? I feel as if there ought to be some kind of expert I could go see, maybe a dermatologist or similar, who could give me advice on at least how to make the most of what I’ve got, the best products to use, whether stuff like gua sha really makes any difference. Someone I could actually trust to be objective, rather than trying to sell me something. Am I kidding myself? What do people do?

I look shockingly shit on video calls, and probably in real life, having spent the last decade looking much younger than my age (was last asked for id about 5 years ago)
I've used factor 50 all my life, vegan 30 years and my mum had beautifully smooth skin...
Everything seemed to sag when i hit 46.
I've recently cut my hair far too short which is very ageing.
I definitely need more sleep and more water.
Or a facelift!

Listen to this: Love your face - whatever your age

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0n8vwmb?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

It's really fascinating.

There's nothing wrong with your face.

Creams don’t do anything to rejuvenate They feel nice at the time and can add moisture but they won’t turn back the clock.

Gua Sha and lymphatic drainage are supposed to be effective ways to maintain the skin.

I had a face lift. I think it’s actually much more natural than fillers and other tweakments.

Tretinoin has been great for me. Nary a wrinkle. If you use sunscreen, why would it cause skin cancer?
Doesn't do anything for sagging or jowls though.

Cellexia eye serum is proven to work on under eye bags.
You need a light reflective concealer to hide dark circles, one that is for older skin so it doesn't sit in the wrinkles.
You need retinol or retinal for lines, and a hyaluronic acid serum for day and same but in a moisturiser for night.
You can use google to find what chemicals work for skin of your age, and then research products you can afford with those ingredients.
You also need to use a sun screen every day for the rest of your life - minimum factor 30.

Some good products I like, and that aren't too pricey:
Kosas concealer (Use an eye cream under it)
Cerave Hyaluronic acid serum
Cerave moisturiser pm
Eucerine night cream with hyaluronic acid
The Ordinary Retinal cream at night
Vichy UV-Age daily factor 50 invisible fluid

(In my 40s I used 1 product in the morning, 1 product in the evening, now I'm early fifties it's a whole different ball game, but my skin is SOOO much better!)

The healthiest and most liberating thing to do would be to really work on just loving yourself as you are. It's also cheaper to do that!

I'm sure your face is fine.

I'm not good with skin, but this is what I'm focusing on....

Heart raising exercise
3 litres water per day
9+ hours sleep

Gently washing with a clean flannel
When applying cream, giving face a proper massage 💆‍♂️
Spf spf spf spf

Thing is, you might be able to do something about your head and neck, but it won’t be in keeping with the rest of you. Bottom line is your ARE getting older. As long as you’re not smoking or drinking to excess, you’re enjoying good eating and exercising habits, and are managing your sleep and stress - you’ll look as you should.

I’ve been there. You need to adjust your brain and how we’ve all been conditioned into thinking youth must be maintained at all costs , rather than slathering creams on your face (which won’t work and are marketed to make ageing a problem that needs solving)
And I’ve had Botox. And fillers, many years ago, so I’ve been in that space of despair. It’s hard when your external appearance doesn’t match how you feel. But I really feel you can keep feeling great and looking chic at any age without stressing about sagging and wrinkles

Use the blur function on calls.

The only things that are clinically proven to work in terms of preventing and reducing lines are sunscreen, tretinoin, botox and surgeries like facelifts. Everything else is snake oil. You could go and see an expert but it would be a waste of time and money because those are the only things that work.

You do need to drink lots of water, eat healthily and exercise too. And use a moisturiser. But basically all moisturisers do is moisturise your skin - any other grand claims they make are junk science.

I am having the same struggle as you by the way. I am trying to resist botox because I just simply don’t want to contribute to normalising it.

I do use tretinoin. You will need to wear factor 50 and, in summer, a sun hat but I reason with myself that those are things I should do anyway. It definitely has improved my skin texture but my forehead and neck are too far gone at this point…

This in spades.
Imo it's better to focus on feeling really good and accepting that you (and everyone else) are ageing. If you feel good it comes through in how you look and behave I think.

The alternative is spending lots of money on fillers, botox etc to look a bit odd and frozen in time. Think of Amanda Holden vs Emma Thompson. ET is a few years older than AH but imo looks so much better and happier than AH in person.

@DavesGirl90 how do we get tret

Tret is scientifically proven to work. The only thing that is.
I don't want to go as far as Botox or fillers, but am wedded to Tret.

Don't forget about your hormones - by your mid 40s you will almost certainly be perimenopausal and addressing flatlining ovarian hormones is one of the key determinants of how your skin (and other tissues) will age.

Also the old adage about choosing between your face and your figure once you get to a certain age is real. Women who are very thin or lose significant weight especially if rapidly, might look 10 years younger from the back but unless they have work done they often look 20 years older from the front.

You’re probably being over harsh as video calls don’t ever give anyone the best glow.

A few things that helped me - drinking more water so my skin is hydrated, sleep - this was only improved my taking HRT though, which helped me look less tired, I use an LED mask with eye cooling patches too. I also find I look better with slightly lighter hair these days, so have highlights balayage style once a year.

Finally exercise - getting a sweat on regularly, weights and Pilates do help me have a better glow as well as helping me mentally.

Collagen,creatine, exercise, sleep, HRT, fish oil, olive oil

I was coming here to share this too.

It makes me sad that society makes us feel unable to accept our face or body ageing. I struggle with it myself. I do think it's unnatural to see our faces so much, I hate video calls for that reason. I think we'd all be happier if we weren't like Narcissus staring at our own reflections constantly.

Hiding the self view on zoom calls might help too:

https://support.zoom.com/hc/en/article?id=zm_kb&sysparm_article=KB0068249#mcetoc_1idnn461o4j

I absolutely love Botox only get it twice a year as I like to be able to move my face and get it in 2 areas but wow after a month of ‘settling’ I look so well rested.

I find cardio or a big walk also makes my face look better the next day almost rejuvenated and other than that I just use skincare from mainly Lidl so can justify the Botox.

I always think it’s worth a try on the Botox and if you don’t like it just fades away after time. I do understand all negative arguments for it but I think it’s brilliant.

"I always think it’s worth a try on the Botox"

Why?

Aging is a privilege denied to some. It’s not a flaw, or something to be avoided. Just release yourself from the pressure of trying to stay young looking, honestly, it’s a waste of your energy. Eat healthy, drink plenty of water, exercise for health and focus on being fit and happy. You are not 20 anymore, so don’t expect to look it.

Thanks for all the varied replies. To be clear: I’m not someone who is hugely fixated on my appearance and I definitely don’t feel ‘despair’ over it as someone has suggested above, but I do feel I’d like to look the best I can for my age, and I don’t feel very knowledgeable about the various options, so the replies here are definitely helpful.

I drink plenty of water and get plenty of sleep, but I do eat a lot of sugar and I think it’s been proven to break down collagen, which feels frustrating knowing my skin could perhaps look better now if I hadn’t. I’ve never been a drinker or a smoker though.

Re moisturiser, I know it won’t turn back the clock, but I do feel it makes me look at least a bit more dewy and less tired, plus make up glides on more easily.

I’ve got YSL Touché Eclat which I sometimes try for the under eye circles, but I’m divided on whether it actually improves things, or just makes me look like I’ve got pale makeup circles under my eyes rather than dark aging ones!

I’m a bit younger than Drew Barrymore, but I feel like she’s probably a good analogue for the way I’m aging: always had a baby face, but the circles and slightly thinner and more tired skin under the eyes are definitely a giveaway now.

@decorationdayjust for people who are looking to reduce the signs of aging. Not everyone of course I know most people don’t mind or are not bothered.

Can this be purchased like a normal skin care product or is it prescription only?