The more youre kind to ppl the more they think they can treat u like shite.

[ThatWildHedgehog]

Aibu to think that the more youre pleasant to people or generally kind when speaking to them the more they think they can treat u like theyre above you? ...

for example, ive been at a new job for about 8 weeks now, & some of the staff (in higher bands than me) treat me like im invisible. I say hello & I get no answer. I hold a door open for someone & they walk on throught, no thank you. Ask someone to move a box so I can get something off a shelf, they just life it off like a inhuman robot. I gave a girl a compliment saying her perfume smelled lovely cause it did, when I walked into the room its all you could smell, & when I told her she just looked at me like I had 6 heads, didnt even acknowledge what I said ?!? Or say thanks or fa.

Thats just an example of what i mean by the way. 🙈

Let me guess, this is public sector?

Generally speaking that's not been my experience, no.

The people you mention are rude but they're just some people.

Some people do see a kind nature as something to be taken advantage of and exploited. And no it’s not just a public sector thing. Most of the people I worked with were lovely.

Hospital

Yeah i agree, alot of people have been lovely so far, but some are completely up their own arse... just having a bad day I think, like alot of us do sometimes 😪

Well TBH they sound just rude. Carry on with your general good manners.

Oooh, have I got the movie for you!
Send help, with Rachel McAdams.
Very empowering and dealing with just that, people mistaking kindness for weakness. Saw it yesterday, still on a high!

What you describe there seems to be more in tune with politeness as opposed to kindness but in general I agree with you.

It's like the more you do for people the less grateful they are and the less you do for people, the more grateful they are - bizzare!

It sounds like you work in an unfriendly place but I don’t understand your thread title as it doesn’t appear you’ve done anything particularly kind either.

most people don’t notice or care about us as much as we’d like to think. It’s easy to get paranoid about how we present or are treated but the usual most obvious answer is they aren’t thinking about you anyway

Defo something I've experienced.Think (usually people with poor upbringing view it as weakness) my new policy is to check observe their worldviews v carefully before deciding who yr dealing with.

I think gracious behaviour like saying good morning and holding oprn doors IS nice and civilised.

I can’t say I’ve experienced this at all. I’m pretty decent and people almost invariably respond in kind; I also see the people around me who are kind and thoughtful having that acknowledged and responded to in return.

However, the year I spent working NHS-adjacent taught me that the workplace culture suffers from hierarchical attitudes and petty power plays from a significant minority of staff for whom the hospital environment is just an extension of the school environment they never grew up from. It doesn’t surprise me at all that you say you work in a hospital.

Ah well too bads
Please give me some pointerS till i can get the dvd. Please!

Im interested to watch this, is it on netflix

@ThatWildHedgehog they're not treating you like shit. Just lacking manners and too busy to bother being polite.

Just carry on being polite and if people can't be bothered to be polite back then leave it to karma...

I find some people the same. I mentioned in a meeting once that the software we use can search for specific things. This person was really interested as it was something useful. I took the time later to send him and email showing him how to do the searches with screenshots showing the menu options. Not even a thumbs up acknowledgement, let alone a thank you. Rude! I won't bother doing him a favour again.

Manners cost nothing and mean a lot. Its a shame some can't remember that.

Keep doing what you're doing. Always come from a place of kindness. However don't judge those who don't return your kindness. It is as it is! Karma is already at play here. "what kind of mind, doesn't acknowledge kindness?" A troubled one!!

Or an unfriendly and perverse person.

Either way give em a wide berth.

There's nice and decent people and not nice, rude and awful people. The trick is to remain in the nice group while not letting yourself be bothered, annoyed or upset by the other group. Takes practice. Make like a duck and let their awfulness go like water off your ducky back. 🐤

I am polite, have good manners, and have a soft voice. People tend to treat others better because they think I won't kick off.

Your workplace sounds awful, if people
are truly like this. Kindness though is what makes the world go around, and I really believe that if you treat others well then in general you will also be treated well.

I was surprised at the unfriendliness of staff when I started volunteering at a hospital. I would say hello to admin and nursing staff whom I saw regularly and mostly they would just ignore me. I was taken aback at the blatant rudeness. It wasn't just me, as when the volunteers met up it was a common topic of conversation. We wondered if they resented us for some reason. I think some people are just rude. I stuck it for a few years then moved on to volunteering with a charity, where people act normally.

I read a Forbes article yesterday, about workplace culture. Very interesting.

The author quoted an American football coach, saying 'Mediocre people don't like successful people and successful people don't like mediocre people.'

I take this as, successful people face challenges and work out how to resolve them. They try, struggle, face fear, face their own issues and work to improve.

But nt everyone does that. So if you are like that, people might find that you show them up and they want to roll their eyes and be unfriendly, and generally wish you gone.

The article went on to say that it is your duty to establish who is who at work, and how to play things, in order that you are successful.

Already this approach has helped me, as I've been decorating at home and have mentioned it at work, but not everyone at work will bother to decorate so it is be better for my work relationships to not mention it and I'm not going to. I'm a go getter, not everyone else is.

I think you're kind and friendly, but not everyone is and it is now on you to flex, for your happiness and future. All the best with it.

Not something I've ever come across but if I did it wouldn't bother me, if they want to behave like that it's on them. I don't let anyone take advantage of me though

From what I hear hospitals seem to attract staff whose default is nasty

But I don’t think you’re being ‘kind’, you’re just operating on ordinary levels of civility and good manners, while unfortunately some of your new colleagues are rude. I don’t see in what you’ve said any basis for thinking that the more polite and well-mannered you are, the worse they behave, though. Or are you suggesting that if you let doors slam in people’s faces and snarked if anyone asked you to move a box, you’d get better behaviour in response?

@ThatWildHedgehog You sound nice do not lower your standards because of rude people