Is anyone else like this with their almost adult children?

[Lemoncake13]

Do you absolutely burst with pride when your grown up children achieve something?

Like it’s lovely when they are small and say their first word or take their first steps. But when they get older and they pass their exams or get their first job or pass their driving test, or win a sporting achievement, even if it’s something fairly small but that you know was a big personal achievement, do you feel as though they could be the first person in the world to do it?

Mine isn’t at that stage yet (though obviously I’m proud of good school marks and other small achievements), but am just posting to say it’s sweet that you feel this. My own mother was always embarrassed by my achievements in young adulthood because she thought it meant other people would think I was ‘getting above myself’.

Mine are teens but I feel so happy for them when they do well in any and all aspects of their lives and tell them all the time that they should feel proud of themselves.

I think that’s a fairly standard feeling for parents.

Yep. My ds1 is 37 and has just been made the most fabulous job offer. He’s been head hunted because the firm know him, trust him and like him very much. We are all buzzing, as is he x

I do. My DS is a super hard worker and I feel such joy when he does well- especially at stuff he's not naturally good at. My own mother was such a bitch when I achieved anything- never a good word. It makes me more acutely aware of how weird that was. My DS has friends whose parents aren't that bothered.

Yes. Big year for my ds this year. Last day of school ever yesterday! Final exams, driving test, starts uni, prom coming up (I am going to cry suit shopping).
Also dealing with his first big bereavement as we lost my mum recently and they were really close, and he's dealing with it much better than me.
I'm so proud of him and now I have no-one to tell so I'll say it here.

Yes I do feel proud of their achievements and I always make sure that we celebrate them too, even if it's coffee and cake or a glass of prosecco! My sister however barely acknowleges them in her kids - barely even says well done - I don't think she knows you're supposed to celebrate achievements.

Interestingly my mum has since told me she always felt like this, but she didn’t say it at the time. She is from a more emotionally repressed time and culture though. The upshot of this is it meant I didn’t realise that she was proud of me until I quite late into adulthood, as she criticised me but rarely praised me. So please do tell your children you are proud of them. I do it so often to my 8 year old, she rolls her eyes and says “I know mummy.” Same with how often I tell her I love her. I’d prefer her to feel mildly annoyed but loved, than never knowing if she is “good enough” as I sometimes felt.

That kind of "remember your roots" thinking is so draining, isn't it.

Plenty of people would love to get away from their roots/background and all that represents. Good luck to them I say

Sorry to hear that about your mum

My mum is almost a bit resentful when we do well.

When I bought my first house she wasn’t happy with the price (£160k 😂), she refers to me and my sister as “powers that be” because we’re both in management roles, etc etc.

I am told that she tells other people that she’s proud of us, but us - never.

My son is disabled and every win is a big win. He picked some rubbish up off the floor from a “where does that go?” yesterday and I could have backflipped round the kitchen.

This is a lovely post.
I felt quite sad when mine got to about 8 at the thought of missing parenting young children. The teen/young adult years have turned out to be just as special with their own unique joys.

My mum cried when I got my A levels and got into Durham, no one in my family had ever been to 6th form let alone uni, even my dad squeezed me really tight and said he was proud of me and that I was going to do brilliant things and he really isn't a very demonstrative man, so yes I think you do still feel proud. They also seem oddly proud when I get promoted or I've won a few national awards for my work etc, I'm pleased about it but they do these things as a bigger deal than I do, I'm in my 40s.

Interesting to hear that some of your parents never made you feel like they were proud.

I think there’s a weird line between being proud and not wanting to appear boastful, but also are we remembering to actually tell our children how proud we are.

I read years ago about telling children that they should be proud of themselves rather than that we are proud. So that they take in the achievement rather than feeling that they are doing it to impress us.

That’s lovely (about your ds), they don’t need to be high flyers to impress us. It’s the growing and learning.

My DD’s transition into adulthood has been bumpy to say the least but you bet everyone will have to hear me go on and on every time she has good grades, good feedback on an essay or lands a new job.

I love my baby doing well 😭

Burst with pride? No. Feel proud and very happy for them? Yes.

I’m 55 and my mum is proud of me!

I haven’t given her much in the way of concrete achievements but I have just completed an internationally recognised certification and she’s all over Facebook about it like a rash 🤣

Absolutely I am proud of my adult kids. Both now at uni and doing amazing things. My oldest has just landed herself a graduate role and I couldn't be more proud. My youngest is doing a degree with a high level of responsibility and I'm beyond proud of how much she's achieved in her first year. I don't think there will ever be a time I won't sing their achievements.

When talking to them I always caveat it with telling them they should be so proud of themselves as I want them to soak up their achievements too. Both have overcome personal challenges along the way so I feel for their self esteem they should know what being proud of yourself feels like.

My own mother has rarely, if ever actually, told me she is proud of me so I think because of that I probably over compensate with my own children.

This is terribly sad.

My parents loved me passing exams and getting good grades (very academic family), but as soon as I leveraged that academic success into a career they know nothing about and an exciting life thousands of miles away from home, they lost interest.

Yeah it’s such a limiting mindset, and to impose it on your children is awful. A fundamental part of transitioning into adulthood is going out of your comfort zone and after what YOU want in life.

Yes, I think my mother just wanted me to stay local in every possible sense — she wanted a daughter who left school early, got a little retail job, married young and became a SAHM who was always popping in and out. Instead she got an academically high achieving, work- and travel-focused daughter who, when she did actually do marriage and a child, did them ‘wrong’ (no big white wedding, only one child). My achievements just don’t count for her. What she wanted was lots of grandchildren and someone to go to bingo with. It’s sad for both of us.

OMG your posts are like looking into the future… DP and I are planning to marry in a registry office with 2 witnesses - absolutely no big white wedding! - and we’re aligned on only having one child. DM thinks sticking with one child is basically half-arsing parenthood and “family life” (both siblings who are parents are also one-and-done). 😂

I hope you and your mum manage to have some sort of relationship anyway.

Yes very much so . Bursting with pride. DS just got his first graduate job . I am soooo proud. My parents were so proud about every single of my achievements, bless them . I think I follow in their steps .

Any mentally sane parent feels this way.