Is anyone else like this with their almost adult children?

[Lemoncake13]

Do you absolutely burst with pride when your grown up children achieve something?

Like it’s lovely when they are small and say their first word or take their first steps. But when they get older and they pass their exams or get their first job or pass their driving test, or win a sporting achievement, even if it’s something fairly small but that you know was a big personal achievement, do you feel as though they could be the first person in the world to do it?

My mum (born in the 30s) wasn’t one for lavishing praise on her children. It was just accepted that you got on with things and did your best - that was our family normality.

At her funeral, however, my sister and I lost count of the people who said, “She was SOOO proud of you!!!”

I am unbelievably proud of my two 20somethings and tell them so - but I take pps’ points about saying that they should be proud of themselves.

Yes it does feel different to me than when they were little. I absolutely love seeing them fly and start the rest of their lives- it’s so exciting to watch. 18 yr old just passed driving test and has job lined up for after college.

Yes personally proud and share with my parents and partner in person. But do the world and the child a favour and don't put a boasty post on Facebook about it, I cringe every time I read about brilliant DD just got top grade in the country in the oboe grade 8, brilliant DS just aced it with 4A* at A level etc etc, absolute yuk! And I find myself some how unsurprised when brilliant child becomes the uni drop out or the admission to the local MH unit...
Pressure, pressure, pressure then failure :(
Spare them and us

Of course , it is no different to when they are young , they don’t stop being your children

It’s not necessarily the milestone achievements for me but moments when I see them just being confident and happy in their own skin. Also when I see them face a problem or difficult situation and they have the ability to challenge things and resilience to deal with it. That just makes be go wow I have done okay.

Yes, I agree. I have always wanted my children to grow up to be resilient rather than the current focus which seems to be for children/young adults to just "be happy".

I have always thought that if they are resilient they will also be happy because they will be able to cope with life's knocks & find their own happiness.

Like you, I am always proud of the way they deal with life's disappointments as well as their achievements.

It's tough out there & young people really need resilience to thrive.

Agreed @cloudtreecarpetit is difficult but it’s a tough world out there and they need to know how to deal with life’s challenges. I am always 💯 behind them for support and guidance and when I see them succeed I could burst with pride 😊

I love hearing about how proud people are of their kids. My son has a heart of gold but struggles to stay on task at school. Last week he got a headteachers award and star of the week for his effort all round. I was so proud and stuck it on Facebook. I had some odd comments and some celebratory ones. I love the success of children although I'm more interested in their own comparative success rather than their success in relation to others. My pal has a daughter who has just graduated as a Dr and a daughter who is a very low paid carer for kids with disabilities. Both wonderful and valuable jobs but they are constantly compared to eachother by people. My friend is equally proud of both girls, shame their dad isn't.

Of course it is! My DC are 33 and 34 and I still celebrate their achievements eg promotion at work - buying first home or just doing something special
DD has just had her first baby (less than 2 weeks old) and I’m so proud of how well they are doing and what a great Mum she’ll be!

Why wouldn't you be proud of all their achievements, no matter what age?

Oh I could write an essay but I am so very proud of my amazing son. First steps and all childhood milestones are amazing and rights of passage.

like a lot I wasn’t celebrated. My darling son is the only one who as an adult appreciates the sacrifices I happily made and always will. We have always been a team, gone through bereavement and I always thought I would protect him but he was old enough the we were in it together.

university wasn’t something possible for me along with a lot of things that I was determined to give him everything I didn’t have.

Every achievement in life is to be grateful for and celebrated 🥳🍾❤️

Mine is exactly the same, parents now sometimes say they're proud of me but I think it's more because they've had other people say to them "you must be proud of her", but the criticism always seems to come easily!

I don't have kids but I'm proud enough of my cat being able to use the cat flap so I can only imagine!

Oh I agree with this. I'm extremely proud of my son & if anyone asks how he's doing I'm happy to verbally tell them but never on social media, he would hate that. I also tell him directly how proud I am & that his future & life is in his hands (he's 18). He's grown up & become so independent in the last year that it's took my breath away a bit.

I don’t really. I read unconditional parenting when they were young and it stuck. I love the bones of my children whatever they are up to, whether it’s nothing particular or winning big prizes. My parents made it very clear how important all my successes were to them, and it put a lot of pressure on. I don’t want to do that. I just love them.

Totally. But it's not just pride, it's sharing in their joy, and loving that I've broken the cycle of my mother and her mother and probably her mother ad infinitum never making their daughters believe they are enough. My daughter has just got a promotion, and she absolutely went for it and believes she earned it by being fab - whilst I still have to silence my mothers voice whenever I achieve anything telling me that I'm not really good enough, or that "they won't like you when they find out what you are really like". And ds has just got a fab job, that he's really enjoying, but he knows that I was as proud of him when he got a job picking groceries at Tesco and got up at 5am to do it and was resilient in the face of a really crappy graduate job market.

I used to say I hated parenting, because you don't get the results for a couple of decades and you don't know if you are doing a good enough job. Well now they are awesome adults I know I did good - if only because neither of them feels they have to prove anything to me

My parents weren’t as close to me as I am to my own adult DC, but I always felt wanted and loved - speaking to many of my peers (I’m 60+) that’s sadly quite unusual

Watching my son with his son is so beautiful, and the way he and his wife include me in that relationship. My grandson, and his wonderful parents, are an absolute joy. They have another son due in the summer and have asked me again to go to help out. I am honoured that they want me to stay at such a special time for them (they did it when my first grandson was born too). I am so proud of all of them!

I think that’s normal throughout all the parenting milestones.

First steps, first works, first time dd did anything really.

It’s normal to be proud of your children and that doesn’t stop as they get older.

Burst with pride, no. Excited for them, yes.

Oh, 100%! My mum was very demonstrative in her pride in my achievements at that age, my dad a bit less so, although apparently he told everyone else he spoke to about how proud he was of me! I always make sure my DS knows how proud I am, and just to make sure it's never in doubt, I have a (very silly) tattoo acknowledging his resilience in getting through his GCSE exams while very unwell.

When DS(18) got his first proper job offer a few back I genuinely thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest with pride!

It’s been a really pleasant surprise to me how enjoyable parenting older children is. I get so many warm and happy feelings from seeing them gain confidence and skills and I’m also ridiculously proud of them. They’re both more well-adjusted and self-aware than me, and I can’t wait to see the adults they become. I am always careful not to boast about them to others though/put stuff on my social media, as I know this stage is far from easy for lots of people, and do appreciate that we are lucky.

100%
DS1 28yo has recently got the job he’s been aiming for since graduating and has a girlfriend who we’ve been getting to know. She is lovely.
He has Asperger’s so him being in a loving relationship is something that makes me incredibly happy.