Funeral Invitations and Funeral Favours!

[Robin60]

I’ve recently been helping a friend organise a funeral and don’t know if the funeral director is on trend (!) or taking advantage of those in a vulnerable position. We were offered formal invitations, thank you letters and favours - very similar to those offered for a wedding. I have been to a number of funerals and have never received a formal invitation or a thank you let alone a funeral favour! And would never expect one either. If you didn’t know funeral favours are in the form of a pin in a design of your choice.
Is this something any of you have come across and what are your thoughts?

I went to the funeral recently of an elderly relative and we were all given a pack of seeds of his favourite flower. A pin is pointless and I wouldn't take one.

Oh my god please don’t let this become a thing. Favours at a funeral???

wtf? I have literally never heard of that! People don’t keep wedding favours and that’s a happy occasion, they’re not going to keep funeral favours, what an absolute waste of money.

Don’t like the invites idea either. Does it mean you aren’t welcome if you aren’t invited?

Fully on board with a good funeral as a celebration of the person that has died but invitations & favours are just fucking crass.

If they’re being offered as standard along with the coffin brochures by funeral directors then it is taking advantage of people at their most vulnerable for money, which is disgusting.

Planning a funeral is often the last thing people feel like they can do for the person they loved and lost, so I can understand people finding comfort in arranging for extra things like favours, but no decent funeral director would actively encourage them.

I’ve sent invites that state all welcome because I couldn’t face that many phone calls.

The pack of seeds idea is nice - but only if they were particularly into flowers or gardening.

Ive never come across a funeral “favour”.

I do tend to keep the Order of Service from funerals - especially if they are personal (ie lovely photo of the person on the front, a few other specific bits like their favourite hymn or music). I would focus on that.

No never heard of this. Although like @CharlotteSometimeslikesanafternoonnap I did once receive a packet of forget-me-not seeds following a death. This was during the COVID period though when the number of people who could attend funerals was limited so I always assumed the seeds were a way of making up for it.

We had FILs funeral just over a week ago actually. I was with DH when we spoke to the funeral director. No mention at all of invitations, letters or favours. Sounds utterly bizarre and inappropriate to me

Funeral favours? WTAF? No that's crass along with formal invitations.

Although do like the idea of favourite flower seeds but not personalised.

At my dads funeral we had bowls of jelly babies on the tables at the wake as he was know for liking them and always had a bag on his boat.
But generic favours seem a bit pointless. They will end up in peoples glove boxes and junk drawers

Working in the industry, it's common for gifts of flower seeds, often personalised to the deceased; small gifts like pin badges etc to be given.

The invites I suppose are to let everyone who needs to know the exact time and place. We often have people late or even going to the wrong crematorium.

The invite will also help with catering the wake and printing the right number of order of service...we did one recently where they had 150 orders of service and we gave them back over 100 so god alone knows what food they ordered in the pub that did the wake.

When my husband died I did the standard German thing of sending a printed death notice - comes with black-edged envelope, so you know whatis inside - to friends, colleagues etc. This also states the date, time amd location of the funeral, but attendance is optional.
There was also a book of condolences, so anyone who attended got a thank you note.
When my parents died there was a notice in the paper, also giving funeral details. They had already made provision for the cost of the funerals.
I think it is up to people to,decide to attend, by issuing an invitation that could put a lot of stress on those receiving it and add a lot of overhead if people start accepting or declining.
I really hope the German tradition does not catch on, although it is yet another thing for people to monetize.

What a bloody strange idea !
I can understand a packet if seeds if the deceased really liked that particular flower.

The only thing that is worse imo is people that let helium balloons off.

I went to a funeral recently where there were little packets of bird seed. The deceased was a keen ornithologist and the request from the family was to feed the birds wherever you live, in their memory. I thought that was quite a nice touch. You didn't have to take a packet if you didn't want to but I think most people did. It was a very personal thing though, with a strong connection to the person rather than something generic supplied by the funeral director. I can't recall getting any kind of "favour" at any of the other funerals I have ever attended and I have certainly never received a formal invitation.

A funeral (and a wedding) is a public event. Anyone can attend. You don’t need an invitation.

it's not unusual to hand out those little laminated cards with the deceased person's details. at my grandmother's funeral everyone received a bead from her rosary. more recently maybe due to the size of the family/age of the deceased online/fb personal messages seem the norm with our family.

I was recently at the large funeral of a relatively young person and I did feel that the wake had similarities to a wedding, though this was due to the logistical necessity of a venue that could accommodate 100+ people travelling from afar. We were all in black however.

To me favours etc would all be highly inappropriate. It’s moneymaking.

This sounds like utter madness. At all the funerals I have attended there has been a printed order of service with the persons photograph on it, surely this is all the “souvenir” for want of a better word that anyone needs. DH is RC and I’ve seen some of those little laminated cards mentioned above handed out too. Fuck me, if this becomes a thing then I’ll be handing all the attendees at DH’s funeral a cigarette each because this will probably be the thing that kills him 🥴

Funeral favours?!!!!!

Never heard of such a thing.
Funeral directors charge an arm and a leg for sending off your dear departed. IMO funeral favours are an unnecessary frippery.

@CharlotteSometimeslikesanafternoonnap i love the idea of a packet of seeds. Its a lovely way to remember someone

DS came home from his Grandad's funeral last year with a "party bag"
It contained a pack of Imperial Leather soap and some toothpaste. Apparently Grandad used to buy some everytime he went shopping so had a LOT. They also had a cake which said IIRC "it's all a bit sad really" as that's what he said he wanted when asked.

In torn between it being really fucking odd, and kind of sweet.

Invitations? No! You just let people know when it's happening.

Favours sound pretty crass. The only thing I've heard along those lines is having a collection belonging to the deceased where attendees are welcome to take one home each, which is rather lovely but nothing like leaving with a packet of sugared almonds or something along those lines!

The invites will give a rich seam of new posts on here - "I didn't get an invite to my Aunty Janet's funeral but my sister did. AIBU not to go as I am terribly affronted". Death notice online and local paper and some phone calls and texts with people letting other people know to share the load.

Just when I think I've heard it all...funeral favours. However I do like the favours that are tasteful such as feeding the birds as the departed had a keen interest or their favourite flowers.