Funeral Invitations and Funeral Favours!

[Robin60]

I’ve recently been helping a friend organise a funeral and don’t know if the funeral director is on trend (!) or taking advantage of those in a vulnerable position. We were offered formal invitations, thank you letters and favours - very similar to those offered for a wedding. I have been to a number of funerals and have never received a formal invitation or a thank you let alone a funeral favour! And would never expect one either. If you didn’t know funeral favours are in the form of a pin in a design of your choice.
Is this something any of you have come across and what are your thoughts?

Invitations are unnecessary, people shouldn’t be invited to a funeral.

I’ve been to one funeral with ‘favours’, it was a pack of seeds and a personalised biscuit. I think it’s a really nice idea, it’s the last thing you will ever do for that person. Not necessary though.

Not all funerals are public, or held during normal church services. We once attended a funeral of a much-loved public figure, where it was invitation only. Our name was given to the funeral organiser, we received an invitation, which was checked against a guest list at the church door. General public was not invited; they and the press were kept outside the church grounds.

Last funeral I went to there were the usual orders of service and a remembrance card, and at the wake there was a display of photos with everyone invited to take one of the extra copies. That was lovely. Seeds and plants would be a good memento too if meaningful and with a connection to the deceased person. But actual favours - no, not a fan, it sounds like another way to rinse grieving family for money.

@Oriunda

all funerals In Church of England churches are public unless they have special permission otherwise, ditto weddings. I have to explain this so often (usually in reference to ex wives are estranged siblings not famous people). The reason to be granted a private funeral will be more than simply being famous, it tends in my experience to be where there’s a lot of public interest which may result in actual family and friends not fitting in the building, eg in a small church.

invites and favours are weird.

the only thing weve been given is the deceased’s favourite type of flower (yellow rose) and seeds.

They also had a cake which said IIRC "it's all a bit sad really" as that's what he said he wanted when asked

I find that really touching. Maybe I'm weird, too.

Working in the industry, it's common for gifts of flower seeds, often personalised to the deceased; small gifts like pin badges etc to be given.

i attended a family funeral where all family members were given a small purple ribbon pin to wear, all good I suppose except some people weren’t classed as family (some partners/spouses of family) and weren’t given a ribbon pin badge to wear.
Caused quite a lot of discomfort and in some cases upset for some people who were suddenly, no longer family.

Really would have been simpler without.

Never heard of an invitation to a funeral: either was in the paper or more likely now online.
I keep the order of service but I've not come across favours. Although I actually think seeds are a nice idea.
I was invited to take part in a balloon release after a burial but didn't because I detest balloon releases.

I'm a funeral celebrant and am finding these things becoming more common. Forget me not seeds attached to the order of service booklets are quite popular.
It's not necessarily the funeral directors trying to charge more for the "extras" as families asking and paying for these separately.
None of the FD's that I work with would suggest favours for a funeral service

I've just heard of Bridesmaid Propsal nights, so I'm really not surprised at any crass twattery now.

formal invitations are often sent to older people

What country are you in, @velomumhackney ?
I've never, ever heard of this, and I am friends with a lot of older people, and I've been to many funerals over the years, and also had to arrange 3 funerals.

I need to know what this is!

Instagram threw up pictures the other day of what could only be described as a ‘funeral party.’ Sadly it was for a teen but it had photographers, videographers, DJs, singers, outfit changes from the family and a photoshoot with the coffin. Understand that’s what the family wanted but does everything have to be for social media..?

A night out where the bride formally asks people to be her bridesmaids, which they all already know anyway, and gives them personalised gifts. The maid of honour gets a bigger gift. Think personalised Charlotte Tilbury crap, eye masks and other girlie shite. I think the trend started with 'influencers' who probably get the tat 'gifted'.

I work in the industry and we would never suggest favours but if our families requested them then we would do whatever was possible to supply them.

We do provide acknowledgment cards free of charge as some families do like to write a wee note of thanks to people acknowledging gifts of flowers or help. Some families like them, others don’t.

As for invitations- if we were asked we would do it. But I haven’t seen that happen yet.

Basically we will do anything we can do to make this time in families lives as good as we can.

Just one note though - the funeral home that I work for is owned by a corporation. Before working in the industry I would have thought this is a negative thing but a lot of comments in this thread have talked about greedy funeral directors. When your funeral home is owned by a corporation then those things don’t happen. No one is profiting by overcharging families and everything should be done to a professional code of conduct.

My personal experience is that invitations are via WhatsApp/text, and are open. Paper invites seem like an unnecessary expense, especially at a time when finances may already be stretched.

I haven't come across funeral favours, but I can see that the idea of some seeds might be a nice one. It should be kept affordable though.

The local Garden of Remembrance offers mini-printouts of the page from the Book of Remembrance for quite a hefty fee. I thought that that was taking advantage. I didn't take up the offer, though I paid for an entry in the Book of Remembrance.

No. It's not a kid's birthday party.

I attended a funeral reception at a stately home that had a large lake in the grounds. The deceased regularly went there to feed the ducks so there was a basket full of small packets of duck food available which guests could take down to the lake if they wanted to. I also got a packet of forget-me-not seeds from the vet when my cat was put to sleep.

Yuk that's horrible.

I've been to a funeral where everyone was given a flower by the family to lay on/around the casket, and I've been to one where the 'programme' (I'm not sure that is the proper word') included an invitation to donate to a related charity, but in my experience the only take home item is that programme.

Edit to add: funerals should be personal to the deceased. The only time this would make sense if if the deceased was a well known collector of pins.

OMG none of these are needed. The funeral director is taking the piss. I’m sorry for your friends loss.

My mom loved loot bags. I don’t know why but she did. So, at her funeral (actually, we did it after the burial (which was immediate family only) and called it more a “celebration of life”) we had loot bags (little boxes of chocolate truffles). Because she would have loved it.

My husband went to a funeral of a past pupil and they were given seeds to plant which I thought was a lovely idea.
At a friends funeral they had a large number of cancer ribbons pins which they encouraged people to take one.

I cant remember how many funerals ive been to in the last 12 months,but definitely 3 since Christmas.

I think we do it different in ireland,the death notices are printed online,shared on Facebook etc. There is.no invite you just know who you need to show up too. Surely the case everywhere ? You also get funeral details when you call at their home to pay your respects for the deceased...also known ad a wake

In Scotland, funeral notice normally says that all family and friends are invited. There are occasionally exceptions - and, of course, during lockdown numbers were restricted to those who had been invited.

ETA It used to be that the death notice was in the local newspaper(s), but many undertakers just publish them on social media now.