How can I stop my eight-year-old hiding soiled bedtime pants?

CareHomeWorries · 2026-04-01T14:39:46+00:00

My youngest child is 8 this summer and still wears bedtime pants overnight due to continence issues caused by chronic constipation which we're treating. He's been seen by the consultant and we have a plan to sort the constipation but it's going to take time unfortunately. Over the last few months he's been hiding his dirty pants around the house. I've found them under the sofa, in a drawer in his bedroom and in the kitchen. I have multiple bins around the house and he has nappy sacks that he can easily access. He's never been told off by me for having accidents because it's out of his control but I'm getting really frustrated with finding soiled pants hidden in my home. I've asked him why he's hiding them and he can't tell me. I'm not really sure what to do next tbh and would welcome ideas please!

itsadlibitum · 01/04/2026 15:45

Given you've not said otherwise, I assume no developmental issues.

The way you phrase it is interesting "he's never been told off by me". Has anyone else told him off for it/ made fun of it?

When you find the soiled pants do you express your "frustration", he might equate one with the other.

Regardless, it would appear he feels ashamed and needs to hide it. You need to figure out why and how to address is.

Excited101 · 01/04/2026 15:45

He’s clearly absolutely mortified about it. It doesn’t explain why he’s not just putting them in the bin, maybe some sort of attention seeking, is he trying to gain reassurance about it in a really bizarre seeming way?

Have you tried sticker chart/rewards for putting them in the bin? Alongside some bonding time for the pair of you to maybe address the attention seeking side of things? Has he got his own bin in his room? This might be something to chat through with him so there’s a plan he’s comfortable with.

Usernamenotfound1 · 01/04/2026 15:49

when you say “bins around the house” is there one in his room?

are we talking disposable nappy pants or washable pants?

he’s hiding them in his room, so presumably he’s waking, taking them off and disposing of them the easiest way he can. If they’re disposable put a lidded bin by his bed, if they’re washable a nappy pail. Anywhere he can shove them without actually thinking about the disposal process.

Original poster

CareHomeWorries · 01/04/2026 15:51

He spends weekends with his dad who has shouted at him in the past over both him having accidents and using bedtime pants. His dad can't get in into his head that it's a medical issue and not the kiddo being bad or doing it deliberately.

I can put a bin in his room.

OP posts:

Original poster

CareHomeWorries · 01/04/2026 15:52

Usernamenotfound1 · 01/04/2026 15:49

when you say “bins around the house” is there one in his room?

are we talking disposable nappy pants or washable pants?

he’s hiding them in his room, so presumably he’s waking, taking them off and disposing of them the easiest way he can. If they’re disposable put a lidded bin by his bed, if they’re washable a nappy pail. Anywhere he can shove them without actually thinking about the disposal process.

Disposable pants.

There's a bin in the toilet downstairs and one in the bathroom upstairs, as well as one in the kitchen. The upstairs bathroom is very close to his bedroom.

OP posts:

itsadlibitum · 01/04/2026 15:56

CareHomeWorries · 01/04/2026 15:51

He spends weekends with his dad who has shouted at him in the past over both him having accidents and using bedtime pants. His dad can't get in into his head that it's a medical issue and not the kiddo being bad or doing it deliberately.

I can put a bin in his room.

I would imagine that's a big part of it. Boys are particularly sensitive to the opinions of their dads at this age, and it's probably really impacting his confidence. Shame is a really tricky feeling to get rid of once its set in. I think all you can do is just keep talking to him, reassuring him, and talking him through a "plan" for what he can do if accidents happen and making it as easy for him as possible. A bin in his room sounds good, if he's feeling sensitive about it he probably wants privacy and doesn't want to carry them out his room.

Mumofteenandtween · 01/04/2026 15:59

Can you do a conversation along the lines of

”As you are a grown up boy now I think that you might be able to deal with the night time pants in a grown up way. Every morning can you put them in the bag, tie a knot in the bag and then take them outside to the dustbin?”

And the give him a chocolate button every time he does!

JanBlues2026 · 01/04/2026 16:01

Have you asked him why he is hiding them? The hiding around the house when he has access to nappy sack and bins would make me consider autism as I have read about this sort of behaviour around poo. The constipation could also be linked to sensory issues around using the toilet.

Ninerainbows · 01/04/2026 16:02

CareHomeWorries · 01/04/2026 15:51

He spends weekends with his dad who has shouted at him in the past over both him having accidents and using bedtime pants. His dad can't get in into his head that it's a medical issue and not the kiddo being bad or doing it deliberately.

I can put a bin in his room.

This is why. I'm not sure what you can do about it though.

Mischance · 01/04/2026 16:05

His dad needs a kick up the arse.
Failing that, can you drag him to talk to the consultant to hear from the horse's mouth that he cannot help it.

PurpleThistle7 · 01/04/2026 16:07

Yeah. This one is absolutely his father's fault. How often is he going there?

But I think I'd put a bin in his room regardless as maybe that would reset it a bit. My daughter (ND) had a rough time with hygiene around her period but a bin in her room with a lid helped a lot.

Blueunicornthistle · 01/04/2026 16:07

I would put a lidded bin in his room and buy a waterproof bag for his stays at his Dad’s house.

Then he never ever needs to discuss this with his (dreadful) father and can just safely bring them home to dispose of.

Custodynights · 01/04/2026 16:09

Mumofteenandtween · 01/04/2026 15:59

Can you do a conversation along the lines of

”As you are a grown up boy now I think that you might be able to deal with the night time pants in a grown up way. Every morning can you put them in the bag, tie a knot in the bag and then take them outside to the dustbin?”

And the give him a chocolate button every time he does!

Please don't do this. While well-meaning it just brings more shame by implying his behaviour is babyish and isn't 'grown-up'. He's already ashamed and avoidant, talking to him about being grown-up will make it even worse.

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 01/04/2026 16:20

Oh that is sad that his dad shouts at him. Is there a way to agree no over nights with dad until this is sorted?

I would have an honest conversation with your son. Tell him that it is wrong that dad gets cross and you are sorry that is happening but in your home he is safe and loved and pants don't need to be hidden. I agree a bin in his bedroom may be good. In the morning if there is no pants in there just simply say "Can you fetch your pants and put them in the bin please" and let him go retrieve them from wherever they have been hidden. If you find a hidden pair just say "XX your pants are under the sofa can you pop them in the bin please".

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 01/04/2026 16:22

In addition anything you can do unrelated to boost his confidence and self esteem is really important.

Original poster

CareHomeWorries · 01/04/2026 16:31

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 01/04/2026 16:20

Oh that is sad that his dad shouts at him. Is there a way to agree no over nights with dad until this is sorted?

I would have an honest conversation with your son. Tell him that it is wrong that dad gets cross and you are sorry that is happening but in your home he is safe and loved and pants don't need to be hidden. I agree a bin in his bedroom may be good. In the morning if there is no pants in there just simply say "Can you fetch your pants and put them in the bin please" and let him go retrieve them from wherever they have been hidden. If you find a hidden pair just say "XX your pants are under the sofa can you pop them in the bin please".

This is what I've been doing. ☺️

Unfortunately his dad isn't particularly cooperative and won't change when the boys go to his.

OP posts:

glitterpaperchain · 01/04/2026 16:44

If he's hiding them because he's embarrassed, can you have a specific bin for it and tell him, if you put pants in this bin I will know you don't want to talk about it, so I will just clean them and not say anything. So he really knows it's safe to put them there?

IWaffleAlot · 01/04/2026 17:22

Why isn’t he being told off? That’s your problem right there. While he can’t help the incontinence issue he certainly can help the hygiene issue! He needs to be made to clean it up himself. Come on op, he’s 8 not 3!

Katemax82 · 01/04/2026 17:26

JanBlues2026 · 01/04/2026 16:01

Have you asked him why he is hiding them? The hiding around the house when he has access to nappy sack and bins would make me consider autism as I have read about this sort of behaviour around poo. The constipation could also be linked to sensory issues around using the toilet.

My autistic 7 year old poos in his pull ups from time to time s flatly denies it...

Katemax82 · 01/04/2026 17:27

IWaffleAlot · 01/04/2026 17:22

Why isn’t he being told off? That’s your problem right there. While he can’t help the incontinence issue he certainly can help the hygiene issue! He needs to be made to clean it up himself. Come on op, he’s 8 not 3!

He's been shouted at by dad...that probably hasn't helped at all

Bob12345677 · 01/04/2026 17:32

I had similar issues with my son who has a diagnosis of ASD. He stopped doing it after we had a long chat and we agreed that he would put them straight into the washing machine so that no one would see his accident and he also has a shower so I usually know what's happened but don't draw attention to it.

justintimeforxmas · 01/04/2026 17:36

Mumofteenandtween · 01/04/2026 15:59

Can you do a conversation along the lines of

”As you are a grown up boy now I think that you might be able to deal with the night time pants in a grown up way. Every morning can you put them in the bag, tie a knot in the bag and then take them outside to the dustbin?”

And the give him a chocolate button every time he does!

This kind of thing sounds the best advice. Definitely a bin and bags in his room. Does he have siblings that he tries to hide it from.

Usernamenotfound1 · 01/04/2026 17:50

Custodynights · 01/04/2026 16:09

Please don't do this. While well-meaning it just brings more shame by implying his behaviour is babyish and isn't 'grown-up'. He's already ashamed and avoidant, talking to him about being grown-up will make it even worse.

Show quote history

I agree. It’s not related to being grown up or not, and it may make him worse if he thinks he’s not “grown up” enough to control it.

bin by his bed, you empty it every day. Make it as discreet and as non-issue as you can.

notatinydancer · 01/04/2026 18:00

IWaffleAlot · 01/04/2026 17:22

Why isn’t he being told off? That’s your problem right there. While he can’t help the incontinence issue he certainly can help the hygiene issue! He needs to be made to clean it up himself. Come on op, he’s 8 not 3!

Agree. It’s obviously not his fault he’s soiling , but he needs to dispose of the pants properly.
Send some nappy bags to his Dads.

bridgetreilly · 01/04/2026 18:48

Special bin in his room to put pants every day, dirty or not. You do the sorting, not him, that way.