Co-worker behaviour suddenly changed when I got pregnant. Am I overthinking this ?

[Firstimemamma26]

I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives because I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive or if something genuinely feels off.

This is my first baby and I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant. I’m also in a committed long-term relationship and we were both really happy when we found out.

However, before I got pregnant, my co-worker had been going through issues with her husband cheating. For around 6 months, Monday to Friday, I listened to her talk about it constantly. I supported her, listened, gave advice and tried to be there for her.

I’ll be honest — hearing about cheating every day actually started to affect me mentally. I found myself questioning my own relationship and worrying about things I hadn’t previously worried about. It even caused arguments between me and my partner, which looking back, only really started happening during that period of constantly hearing about her situation.

Then I found out I was pregnant — and that’s when things seemed to change.

When I first told her, she said she was happy for me. However, her energy and reactions didn’t always match that. Whenever I spoke about my pregnancy, she would often:

• Redirect the conversation back to when she was pregnant (she has a 3-year-old daughter)
• Talk about her own experience instead of engaging with mine
• Bring up trauma from her previous pregnancy or relationship issues
• Say that my pregnancy made her think about how happy she was when she found out she was pregnant, before her husband cheated on her

For example, I’d mention something positive about my pregnancy and she’d end up crying and talking about:

• Her partner cheating when she was pregnant
• Her previous pregnancy experience
• Her relationship issues

It started to feel like my pregnancy moments were being turned into her experiences.

Then something else happened which made me question things further.

I waited until I was around 20 weeks before telling most people at work. Around that same time, she then announced she was 1–2 weeks pregnant and went around telling the same coworkers I had just told.

I also found it odd because she said she was surprised she was pregnant and kept asking her husband “what did you do?” as if it hadn’t really been planned.

She then started:

• Asking which private scans I had booked
• Asking where I went for my gender scan
• Booking the same scans shortly afterwards

Unfortunately she then went on to miscarry, which was obviously very sad.

However, after this, her behaviour seemed to shift again. She suddenly started:

• Wanting to bond with me over pregnancy
• Talking more about babies and pregnancy with me (which she hadn’t really done before)

Then recently, she told me that two of her family members had announced pregnancies and she is now trying to get pregnant again.

She has even asked me:

• When I conceived
• My due date timing

She mentioned she wants to time it so she can also be on maternity leave next summer, as I am going on maternity leave in June for the summer this year.

There have also been other comparisons:

• When I mentioned wanting a natural birth, she suddenly wanted the same
• I said I might keep the gender a surprise — she then said she would too
• I mentioned hoping my partner might propose around my baby shower/30th — she then immediately spoke about renewing vows and her own 30th (which is 2 years away)

It just feels like whenever I share something about my pregnancy or future, she brings it back to herself or mirrors it.

I’m still being friendly and professional, but I’ll be honest — I don’t really like her anymore. I find her draining and the comparisons uncomfortable, especially during what should be a happy time for me.

Am I overthinking this, or does this sound like someone reacting to my pregnancy?

Would really appreciate honest opinions.

She sounds hard going - one of those people who just maunder on about themselves. It's not a surprise she's exactly the same about pregnancy.

I'd either avoid her at work, or if she won't shut up, just keep changing the subject to less personal stuff.

I would be polite but not share any more information. Be factual if she asks a question give her a brief answer. You need to mind yourself more than ever and she is draining you.

She obviously has her own thing going on buy you also seem to be sharing quite a lot of information about your pregnancy with complete strangers. You don't like her yet you disclosed your hopes for proposal as if she was your best buddy. You are both oversharing. Keep your work relationships separate from your private life.
When I was pregnant, I worked in a very close and supportive team and I promise you none of my colleagues heard a peep about my scans or what kind of a birth I was planning.

Sounds like she’s a drama llama. She either self-centred, by always talking about herself, or she’s trying to be empathetic and helpful, by sharing her own experiences. However, by piggy-backing on all your news, she sounds like she doesn’t like other people having the big news, or missing out.

Whatever the reason, she’s become overbearing, so just cool the friendship, and don’t over share. Some people do have a way of wheedling information out of you, so just have some vague, stock answers ready.

She sounds like an emotional vampire. Her trauma dumping and constant negativity about her relationship is draining you and it's affecting how you see your partner which shows it's too much. She's using you for support and validation without concern for how the constant negativity affects you.

Grey rock 🪨 like you're Alcatraz. Everything's "fine". Distance yourself. I can't talk now, I have to do x. Stop sharing personal info. Do not share your medical info. Just tell her hey, vamp, that's my private medical info and I'm not comfortable sharing that with you. Healthy boundaries are your friend here.

Yeah that all adds up to weirdness all right. You might have to stop talking about pregnancy entirely in work? Or around her anyway. If she asks you anything, say "Oh i've decided I'm cutting back my pregnancy chit-chat, gotta stay professional" (or similar BS). She might take the hint and cut out her own. If not, you could then say "Oh but hey we're cutting out the pregnancy chit-chat aren't we - gotta stay professional, right?"

She's batshit. You're slightly less so. I get that you're excited about your first child but saying that she "Talks about her own experience instead of engaging with mine" is a bit much. Other people are never going to be as interested in your baby as you are, this lunatic aside.

Stop sharing with her. Just stop it.

Yes, it sounds like in spite of having a growing list of timelined bullet points about her behaviour you... Keep interacting and sharing and expecting specific responses!

Definition of madness, OP.

And for what it's worth, pregnancy and early child rearing are hugely interesting to you and not very interesting to anyone else. And you almost certainly will end up boring someone in the future with your own reminiscences. Most women you speak to who already have children will be thinking, "ooh, I remember that" as they nod along.

She sounds absolutely terrifying! Single White Female energy. Can you get a new job 😳

Yes, she is being over dramatic, self centred etc but she has experienced trauma.

You are over thinking that her comments are relevant to you.
She is in her space.

Whatever she says, your co-worker can not influence what happens to you so don't worry. It is a little odd but just get on with your own work and life.

Don't be surprised if the woman names her baby a similar name.

I don't think it's you. She's copying you and using you as an emotional sponge. She's one of those people who latches on to others. It needn't be about pregnancy - you could turn up wearing Bay City Rollers tartan trousers and a mullet haircut and you'd find her with the same in a few days. I agree with all the other posters - change the subject when she asks about personal stuff or starts emotional dumping. You're there to work, not listen to her. Keep your own counsel - you don't have to share personal stuff with her or listen to her ranting.
And congratulations!

Having read your other threads, I think this is a you issue. 3 people you know (that you've posted about) now are apparently placing themselves at the centre of your pregnancy. Really?

I get you're excited, but yours is not the only pregnancy/baby in the world.

You are over sharing. I understand from what you said she has her own issues but honestly, you need to be more selective about what you share.

Why are you talking so much about your pregnancy with her?

She's clearly finding it difficult to be steady and calm - take a step back.

This, the amount of details you have given I cant believe you have time to work. Seriously though she’s a colleague, no need to gibe it this much headspace

Are the other threads written by AI too?

I think its pregnancy related because you are pregnant now. If you were moving house it would be about that. I would distance myself and keep pregnancy talk and other personal talk to a minimum. She sounds a bit unhinged.

One definitely. The other one has no bullet points but still possible.

How do you remember all this stuff? You sound as bad as she does tbh - pregnancy “moments” in the office?

You both sound self-obsessed and competing over pregnancy limelight.

I’d distance yourself from her and focus on your work.

Focus exclusively on your job and stop talking about your private business.

So basically she doesn't like it when all the attention isn't on her so she faked a pregnancy and is now purposely trying to get pregnant

She's your colleague, not your friend. Stop the oversharing and focus on your job. Talk of baby showers/proposals/due dates etc. is personal and best kept between friends (who are also bound to be more interested in the details than your work colleagues).

Have you seen that film 'Single White Female' ...the situation you're in with this woman sounds like what happens in the film. I'd distance myself if I were you. Good luck.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Your colleague sounds very draining and self absorbed. I would avoid sharing anything else with her if you can. She is possibly lonely and has had a difficult time in her marriage but she shouldn’t be burdening you with it.

I had a boss once who would turn everything anyone did/said into something about himself, a colleague once remarked “if you said the sky was blue he would tell you that it was like his eyes!” It made me really chuckle at the time.