Sorry to hear about your sisters diagnosis. It’s a difficult time for all the family but I think you need to take a step back and start by asking her what help she needs. As a cancer victim I often found it overwhelming when everyone was trying to “help”.
Although your confidence and appearance is important in your 20s it’s actually not what’s forefront in your mind.
I was lucky that I didn’t need chemo but this wasn’t decided until after I’d had surgery so I did look at wigs and other cosmetic procedures prior to starting treatment. Once in treatment I really couldn’t give a shit how I looked I just wanted it to be all over.
My DSis had cancer in her early 30s and did lose her hair. She found wigs uncomfortable so wore head scarves instead. They became her trademark even after her hair regrew and for 20 years wore some kind of headband. I can’t remember her without one. Unfortunately we lost her eighteen months ago to an unrelated cancer and at her funeral we all wore headbands in her memory.
I think the most important thing you can do is support whatever decision she makes. Sometimes family are uncomfortable with the constant reminder of their loved one’s illness. Believe me how we look is important but it does not reflect the turmoil going on inside. And what she is feeling now is pure panic despite how she is presenting.
Most cancer centres organise wellbeing events. They are great and restricted to the cancer patients only. You generally arrive feeling pretty sceptical but very quickly relax when you realise that everyone else is in the same boat. Most women immediately remove the head gear and it’s sometimes the first time you can have a laugh and a joke, knowing you are not going to upset anyone.
There are lots of online chat forums exclusively for cancer patients. They are a fantastic place to let off steam and say exactly how you feel amongst people who know exactly how you feel. They discourage family and friends because you tend to shy away from being honest about your feelings to protect loved ones.
It’s important not to be overprotective, despite the wonderful support we get from our families it is a lonely journey at times.
I was blessed with the support of both my sisters but the one I felt more in tune with was the one who’d had cancer. She knew what to say and understood my need to be left alone. I regret that I didn’t do the same for her when she went through cancer the first time but was able to be a better sister the second time despite the outcome. In hind sight both my other sister and I were too “helpful” when she was younger and she shut down. We had all learned how to deal with it when I was diagnosed and had a better understanding of what to do.
Don’t forget that through all of this that your own mental health is important. My DS is now 21 and has experienced a relentless series of family illness and bereavements over the last 4 yrs culminating my DSis death. We thought he was coping but it became obvious he wasn’t. It’s easy to put on a brave face when you are part of the support team. It’s not easy when you are also young and have little experience of serious illness. Make time for yourself and get help if you are feeling overwhelmed.