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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt about being left off my brother's tattoo?

32 replies

Nefrititi · 01/04/2026 11:34

I want to preface this by saying I admit to being overly sensitive but just want opinions on this pls.
I am one of 8 children (a bit complicated but 6 are full and 2 are half siblings).
Im the eldest daughter. One of the youngest db lives abroad (Australia), is single no kids etc and really close to a few of his nieces and nephews.
my eldest ds is only 4 years younger than him and they grew up like siblings as we lived with my mum whilst ds was about 8 years old (I was v young when I had him so dm helped hugely whilst I worked and considered ds one of her own ).
whenever he comes over he always stays with me.
Whilst here this time he wanted to get a tattoo with all siblings names on his arm (nice thought).
So this morning when he got up I asked to see the tattoo and I’m the only one not named :(.
he said it was the tattooist fault as he gave all the names so I said ‘wouldn’t you have double checked before leaving’??
He’s almost 17 years younger than me and I’ve always been close to him (he can be really pig headed at times and hasn’t spoken to me for 2 years before - same with his other siblings) but me and my dp have treated him like a son.
In fact my dh has been more of a brother to him than his actual brothers have but that’s another story.
This has hurt more than I thought and brought up stuff from the past where my siblings are concerned and the fact that I’ve always felt a bit mugged off by them at times, like I don’t cross their radar and I’m the one that’s done all the graft over the years.
Anyway, rant over!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nefrititi · 01/04/2026 11:36

Also just to add that my ds is really hurt not to get a mention as db added a couple of cousins names

OP posts:
TheNorns · 01/04/2026 11:39

Maybe the tattooist just ran out of arm, if your brother included seven siblings and some cousins' names?

If you don't want to pursue a relationship with your siblings, don't. If you do, do it and don't complain about 'putting in the graft'. And certainly don't measure your worth in whether you're included in a tattoo.

GivesYourHosieryaFright · 01/04/2026 11:42

The whole thing sounds a bit mawkish to me. I certainly wouldn't be upset about being left off the list.

LeaveLater · 01/04/2026 11:48

Totally not the point of your post, but you were nearly 21 when you had your son? (DB nearly 17 years younger and your ds 4 years younger than him) I’d hardly say you were ‘very young’ when you had him?

HisNotHes · 01/04/2026 11:53

“I’ve always been close to him (he can be really pig headed at times and hasn’t spoken to me for 2 years before”

Well this is a contradiction in itself.

butterfly1234 · 01/04/2026 11:59

It does seem a bit pointed to include all of his siblings except one. I can understand why it would be upsetting.

Just to clarify, you are a half sibling to the tattooed brother, and tattoed brother has included the names of his 5 full siblings and one other half sibling in the tattoo?

TenderChicken · 01/04/2026 12:00

I'd be quite hurt too, and take it as a sign that he doesn't value you as much as you value him. I'm sorry your family had been so thoughtless over the years.

TheNorns · 01/04/2026 12:05

TenderChicken · 01/04/2026 12:00

I'd be quite hurt too, and take it as a sign that he doesn't value you as much as you value him. I'm sorry your family had been so thoughtless over the years.

Yeah. I'm going to feel like a second-class mother if DS doesn't tattoo 'MUM' on his bicep.

butterfly1234 · 01/04/2026 12:12

TheNorns · 01/04/2026 12:05

Yeah. I'm going to feel like a second-class mother if DS doesn't tattoo 'MUM' on his bicep.

Show quote history

But what if he had a tattoo that included his dad, siblings, and grandparents, and excluded you? It seems a bit different from not having a tattoo at all. What if, rather than a tattoo, it was piece of wall art that included all his closest family members, and not you?

honeylulu · 01/04/2026 12:17

That's a bit weird and pointed to include all siblings and half siblings (plus some cousins) leaving out ONE sibling. It might be more understandable if he had included your DS instead of/to represent your branch as they grew up like brothers, but he's been left off as well.

That along with the update that he's cut you off for 2 years before because he was being pigheaded indicates that you're currently out of favour and he's letting you know. The tattooist forgot is a load of bullshit.

He sounds like a twat. I hate tattoos anyway.

TorroFerney · 01/04/2026 12:18

butterfly1234 · 01/04/2026 12:12

But what if he had a tattoo that included his dad, siblings, and grandparents, and excluded you? It seems a bit different from not having a tattoo at all. What if, rather than a tattoo, it was piece of wall art that included all his closest family members, and not you?

Show quote history

Why would your self worth be tied to whether someone has stabbed themselves repeatedly with a needle? It doesn’t mean anything, fact that they didn’t speak for ages is more key. That’s not a close relationship, that’s the stuff that really matters.

Duvetdayneeded · 01/04/2026 12:20

Is he going to rectify it? I’f not, then this is deliberate and he’s a user.

squashyhat · 01/04/2026 12:33

'Maybe the tattooist just ran out of arm'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

TheNorns · 01/04/2026 12:42

TorroFerney · 01/04/2026 12:18

Why would your self worth be tied to whether someone has stabbed themselves repeatedly with a needle? It doesn’t mean anything, fact that they didn’t speak for ages is more key. That’s not a close relationship, that’s the stuff that really matters.

Show quote history

I mean, the guy is 17 years younger than the OP, lives in Australia, and if at one point he didn't talk to her for two years, it doesn't suggest an entirely unproblematic relationship. At any rate, he didn't want it commemorated on his skin...

dudsville · 01/04/2026 12:44

I think I would be hurt too, it's a weird thing to be left out of, but I would feel left out!

Wingedharpy · 01/04/2026 12:55

Perhaps he's saving his left buttock for you OP?

GoldDuster · 01/04/2026 13:01

hasn’t spoken to me for 2 years before

Reading between the lines, I don't think he feels as close to you as you seem to feel to him. You're not on the list. Maybe this is the bit in the story where you don't speak to him for two years.

INeedAnotherName · 01/04/2026 13:04

Yes i would feel very hurt but now you know he doesn't view you as close family, which means he is just using you when he stays. Up to you whether you accept the relationship on those new and updated terms.

he can be really pig headed at times and hasn’t spoken to me for 2 years before
Perhaps it's down to this and the reasons behind it.

Original poster
Nefrititi · 01/04/2026 13:11

Thanks for all your replies. Over the years he’s fallen out with almost all of us individually at some point, he’s v immature obviously but he’s the youngest of us all so we all tend to give him a pass.
he’s actually in his way to meet our other db who wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. Just amazes me with people in general who seem to be in awe of those who usually do duck all than to those who who’ve really been there when the chips are down 🤷‍♀️
someone mentioned me not being that young having my ds. I was 20 so I thought that was quite young no?
We’ve all lost both our parents now sadly so it would be nice to think we can count on each other now as previously all so close.
As I say a bit sensitive atm so it just got to me this morning and brought up all sorts of shit in my head about the family in general

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 01/04/2026 13:12

I’d rather not be included in a tattoo. Fucking weird.

Jupiterx · 01/04/2026 13:33

His body he can have what he wants on it.
I never want to be tattooed on anyone.

MatildaTheCat · 01/04/2026 13:41

Whilst I’m not a fan of tattoos I can relate to this. I have a brother who lived abroad for a while but then came back to England to live. He had a party where I met several friends he’d made over the years and they all acted astonished that there was a sister. They knew every other member of our family plus the dog and whatever but apparently I’d never had a single mention.

That was years ago and I’ve never forgotten how hurt I felt. We are really close as adults although definitely not as children.

GivesYourHosieryaFright · 01/04/2026 13:48

Nefrititi · 01/04/2026 13:11

Thanks for all your replies. Over the years he’s fallen out with almost all of us individually at some point, he’s v immature obviously but he’s the youngest of us all so we all tend to give him a pass.
he’s actually in his way to meet our other db who wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. Just amazes me with people in general who seem to be in awe of those who usually do duck all than to those who who’ve really been there when the chips are down 🤷‍♀️
someone mentioned me not being that young having my ds. I was 20 so I thought that was quite young no?
We’ve all lost both our parents now sadly so it would be nice to think we can count on each other now as previously all so close.
As I say a bit sensitive atm so it just got to me this morning and brought up all sorts of shit in my head about the family in general

he’s v immature

I think we already knew that. No one with any degree of maturity has a list of names tattooed on their arm. Even if your name and that of your son had been included, your brother would still be a twat.

He doesn't sound worth the trouble. Bin the cheap tattooed idiot and get on with your life without his shit.

TheNorns · 01/04/2026 13:53

Over the years he’s fallen out with almost all of us individually at some point, he’s v immature obviously but he’s the youngest of us all so we all tend to give him a pass.

So stop giving him a pass. I'm also the eldest of a big family, but my youngest sibling is in his 40s, so the 'immaturity' label became irrelevant long ago. This brother is well into adulthood, right?

he’s actually in his way to meet our other db who wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. Just amazes me with people in general who seem to be in awe of those who usually do duck all than to those who who’ve really been there when the chips are down

That's not how relationships work, though. You like who you like. 'Look how much I've done for you' isn't the way to anyone's heart.

WallaceinAnderland · 01/04/2026 13:58

It's odd to want names of people you fall out with and don't speak to for years tattooed on your body.

It's also odd to feel undervalued if someone doesn't have your name tattooed on their body.

You're overthinking this.