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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt about being left off my brother's tattoo?

32 replies

Nefrititi · 01/04/2026 11:34

I want to preface this by saying I admit to being overly sensitive but just want opinions on this pls.
I am one of 8 children (a bit complicated but 6 are full and 2 are half siblings).
Im the eldest daughter. One of the youngest db lives abroad (Australia), is single no kids etc and really close to a few of his nieces and nephews.
my eldest ds is only 4 years younger than him and they grew up like siblings as we lived with my mum whilst ds was about 8 years old (I was v young when I had him so dm helped hugely whilst I worked and considered ds one of her own ).
whenever he comes over he always stays with me.
Whilst here this time he wanted to get a tattoo with all siblings names on his arm (nice thought).
So this morning when he got up I asked to see the tattoo and I’m the only one not named :(.
he said it was the tattooist fault as he gave all the names so I said ‘wouldn’t you have double checked before leaving’??
He’s almost 17 years younger than me and I’ve always been close to him (he can be really pig headed at times and hasn’t spoken to me for 2 years before - same with his other siblings) but me and my dp have treated him like a son.
In fact my dh has been more of a brother to him than his actual brothers have but that’s another story.
This has hurt more than I thought and brought up stuff from the past where my siblings are concerned and the fact that I’ve always felt a bit mugged off by them at times, like I don’t cross their radar and I’m the one that’s done all the graft over the years.
Anyway, rant over!

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 01/04/2026 14:01

He's fallen out with all of you in turn, and one of your brothers' wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire... yet you describe yourself as all really close. There's clearly more going on here, I'm not sure that the tattoo is the issue I'd be getting worked up about.

Nefrititi · 01/04/2026 14:17

There is a bigger back story to this and I know I’m being extra sensitive today and it’s jus brought up loads of stuff that I’ve put up with in the family over the years.
in a way I’m glad it’s come to this so I can finally say to him/them exactly what I think about everything.
again thanks for all your responses

OP posts:
Widgetinacan · 01/04/2026 14:19

It's a very tacky idea. Be glad that your name isn't involved.

itsadlibitum · 01/04/2026 14:20

The whole thing is odd. The names, the leaving you off, the whole thing. I would say you are overthinking this, it sounds like you have some very complicated/ toxic family dynamics that are fuelling your feelings on this.

Viclla · 01/04/2026 14:30

That's quite hurtful. Obviously you aren't as close as you thought.

I might pretend to believe him and have faux outrage that the tattooist didn't give him what he paid for, encourage him to go back and get it rectified. Tell him you can help him complain if he's not comfortable doing so, and you're going to leave a bad review for the tattooist for missing out names they were given to tattoo if they dont rectify their mistake. Maybe make him squirm a bit.

Jom222 · 01/04/2026 14:41

I'd be crushed too but I was always left out in my family so would be unsurprised. I'm sorry, it stings.

My advise is to use this reconsider where you stand in your family, redraw boundaries and decrease expectations while also decreasing kind/generous acts by you. Reserve your love for those who love you back.

My feeling is-once we're adults you need to EARN* your place in my life. We're all grown now so if you opt to treat me like shit I'll thank you for clarifying where we stand and adjust my own actions accordingly.

*by earn I mean don't intentionally leave me out of gatherings, don't shit talk me to everyone else, etc. I remember when my SILs crowed w/glee that they asked another SIL to a birthday party the day prior knowing she couldn't make it but they sure got a share of money from her for the expensive gift they bought. Thats the kind of shittiness I actively avoid today. My life is so much better without that kind of energy in it.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 02/04/2026 21:35

Did he do it on purpose!
I don't like tattoos but you sound nurt that you were left out.

If you want to take it further. Tell him you are upset. And to make things better.
Tell him you want you name in large letters with roses wrapped around the design. Tattooed in the front of his hand.

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