To want this kind of relationship?

[Chocbicc]

I have a DD who is 10. Her father and I split when she was a baby since then I’ve had 1 relationship which lasted 4 years and resulted in him cheating with a coworker. We lived together in my house so he moved out. I decided from then I do not want another man involved in my daughter’s life / childhood.

I met someone a year ago by chance. From the beginning I made it very clear I do not want anymore children. I also don’t want anyone involved in my child’s life. I said the most I want is someone to spend time with when my daughter is at her father’s but that is the extent and I appreciate that isn’t for everyone. He agreed and said he was happy with that.

The last few months he has been saying things such as ‘when we live together’ and talking about future holidays with my daughter as a family when we have children. I keep saying I do not want this he says he understands but will then bring it up again a week or so later. It’s frustrating because he currently lives in a small 2 bedroom house with his parents (he owns the property) and can’t afford anything else which is fine but what? Is expecting to be moving in with me? I think the reason why I find it frustrating is because he keeps bringing it up but he has no means to make this happen and not that I will but if I ever did ‘change my mind’ it would be on me to make it happen.

He is a really nice guy though and at times I feel I’m being unfair to him but I have always made my boundaries very clear and have said multiple times if he wants more from a relationship then he may be suited to someone else.

Yes that's it. It's over so she just needs to end it as soon as possible.

I think some posters are being unfair to him. He's guilty of not listening to you for sure but I also think you bear some of the responsibility in letting this drag on and responding to him with frustration that he keeps bringing it up. In other words, you're not listening to him either! He is telling you loud and clear he needs more than you are willing to give. Time for a serious, probably relationship-ending conversation I'm afraid.

Yes. They've been in a relationship for a year. I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who had such rigid rules. The OP would be better being single or having a friend with benefits

Someone who only wants to see someone when their child is at their father's is a complete time waster in my view and has totally unrealistic expectations about what being in a relationship is

Don't use people and then moan when they've fallen for you

Not on here! It's the sort of thing your friends might say, but MN would be majority 'He told you what he wants'.

I'm sorry he's doing this to you, OP, it must be a big disappointment. I tend to agree that it sounds like he's trying to wear you down - if you've said more than once that you're not looking for the future he's describing, he isn't respecting your views. You evidently want different things now so, sad as it may be, it's wisest to recognise that and go your separate ways.

Help!!

So my son is 12 now and we have had alot of issues over the years but we currently have a family practitioner (lowest level of social worker) and she seems to come over and repeat herself everytime but nothing is going in. My son is getting detentions everyday at school (we are due to have a meeting with them soon). He also treats the house like a hotel and won't do anything to help out even when offered pocket money. He speaks to me like crap and will gaslight me regularly and argues with my partner (not bio dad). He also ignores rules such as come back after x hours when you go out.

We are at the end of our tethers. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant and was really kinda looking forward to making a big thing out of my son's birthday. As above it's his 13th and also his last birthday in this house as a single child. I will be 34/35 weeks on his birthday and was looking forward to getting his room decorated, having a BBQ with 3 other kids staying over (2 of which being cousins) and some presents including him getting his PS5 back which he has had taken away until he can have 5 days without detentions.

My partner has said if he doesn't improve he's just going to get £20 in a card and that's it. Nothing else. Obviously this isn't quite how it will be but I wonder if we should be celebrating as my son is currently stating "there's no point" and "I'm not doing it" when we talk about putting changes in place. Yet when he gets punished he yells and screams he "hates living here" and has even called me "a shit parent".

I just don't know what to do. My mother's instinct is dying to do something for his birthday but I don'want to want to reward bad behaviour but I'm also terrified of triggering myself into PND. His behaviour already depresses me on a daily basis!!

When he found out me and my partner were trying for a baby he literally said he would make a change when we find out I'm pregnant. Now he's saying he'll calm down when the baby is born. He's good as gold everywhere else he goes just me and my partner always get the worse end of the deal and the thing is we're the ones who have always been there for him.

You've been honest with him about the relationship you want. He clearly hopes you'll change your mind. In fairness to both of you, you should let him go now, so you can find someone else who's happy to play a lesser part in your life and he can find a partner who wants to make a family with him.

You need to start your own thread - poor kid. He's 12. Your partner sounds horrible. Taking away his PlayStation. Saying he's gaslighting you - he's 12

Your partner sounds like he hates your child

Poor child. Imagine being spoken about like that by your parent and a step dad who clearly resents him - and you wonder why he's getting detentions at school. He's clearly miserable and very unhappy

He should be your first priority. Not your idiot partner. Words actually fail me.

And you've got social work involvement and all you seem to care about is punishing your 12 year old kid that kid is going to leave home as soon as he's 16 and you won't see him again - he's already clearly broken