How to treat children in a coaching environment

[TheRedEngine]

I have started working in a sporting teaching environment with children. One of the instructors has a habit of giving a child a high five, then ‘down low’ but moving his hand away so they miss and saying ‘too slow’. I know I would have hated being treated like that at that age (and possibly even now too!). I can just hear my seven-year-old self complaining to my parents about this person.

The teaching guidelines specifically say children should not be humiliated.

Is this acceptable behaviour? Or indeed something I should be adopting because it’s ‘funny’?

All children seem to be addressed as ‘buddy’ which seems horrific but then I haven’t been a child for several decades.

And a group of children were told to hold out their hands as though they were carrying two ice cream cones. Instructor asks one of them ‘what’s in your cones?’ child says ‘… strawberry and…’ and whilst thinking instructor says ‘too slow, let’s go practise.’ Again, I think this is not a very pleasant way to behave towards any human being, let alone a strange child.

Thanks for your thoughts!

I can just hear my seven-year-old self complaining to my parents about this person.

You haven't changed as you've grown up, have you? 🤦‍♀️

Dear God.

Christ.

One of my son's preschool teachers does stuff like this and he loves him, doesn't seem to feel humiliated. I also sometimes call both my sons buddy affectionately and they don't seem to find it horrific 🤷🏻‍♀️

This behaviour is fine. If done with a smile it is fine. They are not at school. If they dont like it they would probably say something. (For what it is worth I am a teacher who wouldn't do this but a sports coach is meant to be a bit more relaxed. ). I wouldn't necessarily copy it as this is their way but it is not something to complain or get upset about.

Every place of work needs a newbie who knows it all.

As an academic I know that more and more young adults are fragile.

Being nasty is wrong. What you describe sounds like good natured teasing. Perhaps this isn’t my style, but it does not sound harmful. If the staff member is fundamentally a nice person and good coach, I don’t see the problem.

I would like our YP to have a better ability to laugh at themselves and to be more resilient.

The word 'buddy' isn't that bad!
But repeatedly telling young learners that they're 'too slow' is bad practice, that should be challenged.
It's potentially humiliating, it's disempowering and it doesn't foster a healthy learning culture. and even if it's delivered in a 'jokey' way it's not really all that funny.
I used to train/ assess/ accredit sports coaches and if we ever saw this kind of behaviour, the person responsible would be left in no doubt that they'd be expected to change how they interacted with the young people!
I would recommend some refresher training for everyone at this sports project, and address it within that.

Good God, how do you make it through life being this bloody sensitive and precious 😬

The “too slow” thing is just a bit of fun. Have you never seen T2 with Eddie Furlong?

He's not saying they are too slow.

And the buddy thing is fine. You don’t have to do it @TheRedEngine. I officiate and will call the athletes ladies or gents or girls or boys. Buddy is not my personal style but it’s fine.

You're being a bit precious.

It's a bit of very gentle teasing, using a little game that I'd say MOST children were familiar with. And even if they didn't know it, the "too slow!" from a trusted, liked adult, would raise a smile/laugh from kids.

If a child of mine came home and complained about that, I'd explain it was a joke.

The high five down low too slow is a joke.

most children know the joke

he is not telling them they are too slow. This is not humiliation.

It all sounds fine - the 'up high, down low, too slow' thing has been around for donkeys years, and is just a joke - no problem, and I'm sure that if the instructor found that a child was upset by it, they wouldn't do it again with that child. Most kids absolutely love it, in my experience, and it generally builds a fun, jokey relationship with the kids.

What in the world is wrong with calling a kid 'buddy'? I mean, it's not a word I use, but there's nothing actually wrong with it. Why is it horrific?

Agree, he sounds highly annoying but it depends where it's coming from. Are you getting a slight bullying vibe off him or is it playful? There is a difference and kids know.

Honestly, the high five too slow thing has been around forever. Most kids love it and usually attempt to beat the person next time as like a personal triumph. It’s just a bit of fun.

You are allowed to have fun, and so are the kids.

Buddy - can’t see an issue. Would be weird if you adopted it too if that’s not your style. I would image they do it in case they forget a kids name, I imagine it would be far more upsetting for a kid to feel singled out that their coach couldn’t remember who they were than if they all get called Buddy!

The pretend ice cream cone thing was weird. I suspect they were just doing a get to know you ifs breaker, and the kid was dithering - it was supposed to be a super fast exercise where they basically said their 2 favourite flavours of ice cream. It wasn’t the nicest way to get them to hurry up, but as a one off/isolated incident I’d leave it. If it becomes a pattern, or a child is being targeted then it’s worth stepping in.

Id rather have him than you coaching my child.

He sounds like he gets kids, you dont sadly. You may be in the wrong job here.

Christ. Unclench. Buddy horrific??

A good coach will know what works best for the children and adapt accordingly. Mine at 6 and 9 would find that funny, but I also know some more sensitive children who might not be amused.
This coach likely knows the children well and can predict their reactions, so maybe take some time to observe before criticising. If you notice any children who seem genuinely upset by it, you could have a coaching team chat around best ways to engage different children.
I have no issue with 'buddy', the children I volunteer with wouldn't either.

i think maybe coaching children is not for you OP. Poor other coach that has to put up with you from now on!!!

I was born in the 70s and too slow was around then!

Can't get over the dramatics of saying that a coach calling a child "buddy" is horrific! Like what??

This is really interesting thank you all.

Bit more info. The coaches see the child for an hour and then never again. It’s always a different coach. It’s not my first time interacting with children, nor my first teaching experience.

I’ve worked with a couple of dozen coaches at this venue and it’s only a couple of them that have made my sensors wiggle - arising from endless hours of safeguarding training that I’ve done over the years.

I’m not convinced that there is such a thing as ‘good natured teasing’ when interacting with a child for the first time. Particularly when the child is six and says literally nothing for the entire hour. Good natured teasing, many psychologists say, has to allow reciprocity. No six-year-old child, particularly a shy one, is going to tease back.

And ‘Buddy’? Definitely a horrific Americanism! The internet tells me that it’s what American fathers call their sons. Yet it seems to be used here for girls as well. I’ve never heard it used before (not as a catch-all term anyway). I don’t see it as harmful but it’s linguistically horrific and I’m not convinced it’s particularly respectful. The decline of the English language is not a safeguarding issue.

I genuinely don't think this is the right job for you. There is absolutely nothing horrific about being called buddy.

April fool?

You seem very rigid. I’m not sure kids coaching is for you.

“I was born in the 70s and too slow was around then!”

Assuming you mean in the context of a ‘High Five” no it wasn’t. High Fiveing was invented on October 2 1977 at a match in the States. (Yes, I googled that this morning.)

@TheRedEngine
Are you by any chance ND?
I am, and this sort of behaviour would have irritated me as a child, however as someone who has worked with children for almost 30 years I can assure you that the majority of children would be fine with this sort of interaction.

It true that someone with a lot of experience with children could probably sense which kids were more inclined to different types of engagement, and would be able to target their interaction, but on the whole, this is run of the mill stuff. Especially if the person involved only has the one session with the kids.