How to treat children in a coaching environment

[TheRedEngine]

I have started working in a sporting teaching environment with children. One of the instructors has a habit of giving a child a high five, then ‘down low’ but moving his hand away so they miss and saying ‘too slow’. I know I would have hated being treated like that at that age (and possibly even now too!). I can just hear my seven-year-old self complaining to my parents about this person.

The teaching guidelines specifically say children should not be humiliated.

Is this acceptable behaviour? Or indeed something I should be adopting because it’s ‘funny’?

All children seem to be addressed as ‘buddy’ which seems horrific but then I haven’t been a child for several decades.

And a group of children were told to hold out their hands as though they were carrying two ice cream cones. Instructor asks one of them ‘what’s in your cones?’ child says ‘… strawberry and…’ and whilst thinking instructor says ‘too slow, let’s go practise.’ Again, I think this is not a very pleasant way to behave towards any human being, let alone a strange child.

Thanks for your thoughts!

So it was around in the 70’s as PP said.

Most people don’t live life by looking everything up and sticking rigidly to ‘guidelines’ they’ve read, there is nuance and context in everyday life.

@TheRedEngine i work with words for a living and there is nothing wrong with using buddy as a generic term like that. It may be American in origin but so are lots of things (inc the high five). Not a reason to shun them as such.

It’s odd that the coaches see the DC once and never again but maybe this coach is trying to get a bit of a rapport in that short time. Btw if we are debating language, maybe save a term like “horrific” for situations which actually are. Otherwise you are seriously diluting the impact of the word.

I was a shy and sensitive child and none of this would have bothered me, unless I was being singled out as 'too slow' compared to everyone else in the group, which isn't usually how the 'low five' joke goes. My uncle used to do a variant: high five! low five! quick five - too slow! and I thought it was hilarious.

'Buddy' is American but it's not remotely offensive and I'm guessing the coaches don't know all the children's names. It wouldn't have bothered me as a child, and for context, I used to object to being called a kid ('I'm not a baby goat!') so I do understand linguistic pedantry. A buddy is a friend. Nothing wrong with that.

One of my grandson's has caught me out with the high five thing a few times which he thinks is hilarious! He also calls his little brother 'bud' or 'buddy' so he's obviously fine with both things. I think they are fine, actually.

I can assure you when I was growing up after being born in the *checks birth certificate 70s too slow in the context of high five was all over my childhood. We did it to parents, teacher, friends etc..... and they all did it to kids as well.

I’m sticking with horrific for ‘Buddy’, mostly for the sake of the tutor. Children are not a teacher’s friends. (Those who say their children don’t mind are missing my point. I’m not surprised they don’t mind!)

Probably in an informal setting like this it’s fine most of the time. But then there’s the time it’s not fine. The instructor, in what can be a dangerous environment where having authority matters, has lost authority by suggesting that the relationship with a child is that of friend, rather than leader.

Even a Guardian article agrees with me.

https://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2016/oct/08/secret-teacher-students-arent-friends-mate-discipline#:~:text=It's%20not%20only%20parents%20who,an%20equal%20or%20even%20inferior.

I am also not convinced that it’s a gender-neutral term, but rather that it is a specifically male term. I really thought modern pedagogy had moved away from this sort of thing. (Unlike ‘Guys’ gender neutralised decades ago.)

It really is a term I had never heard used before in this way and I am struggling to embrace it!

I use buddy as a generic word for all children, including my own. I've never thought of it as horrific. Am not American!

And the down low too slow thing has been around since I was a kid, I can't see that as being disrespectful.

You're bonkers, sorry.

on the off chance this is not a wind up - my CHRIST you need to get the stick out of your bottom. You would hate the holiday clubs we run (always full with waiting lists a few days after dates launch and with mostly repeat kids). I mean obviously if a child could not cope with the high five game then we’d move on but please!!!! If my child came home complaining I’d a. Explain it is a joke and b. Use the opportunity to teach them to get a grip.

If I had complained about that to my parents when I was 7, they would have suggested that I should get a grip.

If any of the children find it distressing, I’m sure that will be obvious. However children can have a sense of humour.

And ‘Buddy’? Definitely a horrific Americanism!

I think maybe you should reflect on why, in your mind, a harmless, friendly way to address someone is 'horrific' just because it's most commonly used in a different country. The rabid anti-American comments on MN actually make my jaw drop sometimes. I'm not American, but there are Americans on MN. They must find it very unpleasant.

Buddy has been around for eons. As has guys, mate, people etc. I feel like you are quite literally looking for offence here. Using a word you do not like does not equate to "the decline of the English language".

Also on the coaching - my son’s football coaches use mates and buddy all the time - it’s not school and it’s a great way to build rapport in a team. I don’t think we could use you as a coach 😀

This is an opinion piece, in effect, you seem to be citing it as some sort of evidence?

Calling a pet name "horrific" is a ridiculous overreaction. As is thinking there's something wrong with playing the "too slow" high five game which has been around at least as long as I have (born in the 80s) I highly doubt anyone has been left traumatised by being too slow to high five someone 🤦

If the coach is liked, does good coaching and isn't doing anything that would be a safeguarding conncern, then he is entitled to coach in his own style.

I was pulled up for being ride by another coach. I am not rude and no-one else thought I was being rude, it's just how I am (ND, so less filter than some) and it's very good-natured.

It didn't suit her, that's fine but her coaching style irritates me, so I have moved on from doing sessions at the same time as her. Neither of us is wrong, we're just different and we will probably appeal to different people.

Buddy is fine. It's nice and neutral.

People can be different, that's life.

I have started working in a sporting teaching environment with children

The best thing for everyone concerned here would be if you found something else to do.

Your thinking is so twisted, dramatic and downright unfathomable about such mundane non-issues it really doesn't seem like a good fit for you.

It’s an odd approach to look up buddy or she high fiveing was invented.

Both are fine - buddy is friendly. The ‘too slow’ malarkey has been about for ages. I think sports coaching for 6, 7 😉 year olds is less formal than you are used to and perhaps you would be suited to something else.

I have two sensitive children and they would not be upset with any of this. There is a big variation of high fives and jokes etc. One coach makes my daughter do a high five high up out of her reach so she has to jump. Buddy is no issue either. it all sounds absolutely fine.

Ah the guardian says it so it must be true
god this place used to be funny with some chatty interesting threads from thoughtful articulate posters
now it's this sort of bollocks

I don't agree that teachers and coaches have the same status.
Kids don't get a choice about school as it mandatory, they have to go there and there has to be some respect or school would be chaos.
Coaches tend to have had a more grassroots upbringing in the sports they coach and can generally feel more connected to kids through the sport of choice because they choose to be there.
I can vaguely see your points but are any of the kids actually upset or are you projecting your feelings on to them?

My Ds's most favourite person (outside of blood relatives) calls him buddy and always has. He loves it and I see no problem with it, American or not. I volunteer with 0 - 11 year old and they get sweetie, lovely and all variety of endearment. I was called pet, pet lamb, presh/precious, treas/treasure and queen from various lovely relatives and neighbours when growing up - and loved it.

I am a late 70s baby and remember the "high five, on the side, down low, too slow" from a very young age. As one who was often accused of being too slow (when it mattered) I never had an issue with it.

If you are beig serious, I think you need to rethink and unclench

Grassroots coaches are a bit different from teachers though aren't they...apart from the people who actually run the football club, DS1s football coaches are other kids dad's volunteering, and teenage boys who play in the older leagues.
I would have zero problems with any of them high fiving DS or calling him buddy (they tend to use mate).

How come the coaches move on every week but you don't?

I coach in a couple of sports clubs and I'm somewhat in the middle here. From the OP's description I wouldn't say this is definitely bad coaching (certainly not the worst!) but it's also not my style and I think that teasing/joking with small children that you don't know is a bit of a risky strategy. I do tease some of the kids I coach sometimes, even the little ones, but only after I have got to know them and I know what kind of approach works for each individual. Lots of children of that age would find the "too slow" thing hilarious but there are some less confident ones who could find it upsetting so personally I wouldn't take that approach with a group I didn't know. That said, it does depend on the precise situation. Doing it indiscriminately to every kid as soon as you've met them is a very different kettle of fish to doing the same thing well into a session and only to children you have figured out will be happy with it. And an experienced coach can get the measure of a group fairly quickly.
Different things do work for different people. I've picked up a lot from watching other coaches over the years and my own coaching style includes lots of things I have seen others do, but not everything I have "borrowed" from another coach has been successful for me. I have also watched other people and thought "Ooh, I wouldn't do that" but the kids are engaged and having an absolutely great time. As with many things, learning the theory is a great start but as you gain experience you learn to adapt the textbook and find what works in your hands in real life. Obviously some things are absolute but there's also more than one way to skin a cat and you can get several coaches teaching the same thing in totally different ways but all getting excellent results.
I think you are over reacting to "buddy" though. Names are important and I try really hard to learn my coachees names as quickly as possible but I would stand no chance of learning the names of a new group every week, unless it was very small. So unless the coach isn't going to call the children anything at all something generic is the best thing. I also disagree that it's too familiar. I have absolutely zero problems maintaining safety and discipline in any of the groups I coach, from preschoolers through teens to adult blokes without needing to behave like a sargeant major. It's a hobby for everyone I coach and I want them to enjoy it and stay in the sport. You can be friendly and in charge!