Aibu?

[LittleOddSock]

Fully prepared to be told IAMBU but just looking for a sense check.

I don't sleep that great, husband wants to go cycling tomorrow morning and it's my day off. This will mean a 6am alarm and I'm very unlikely to get back to sleep after. I've asked him not to and his suggestion is he sleeps on the couch but wants to go to sleep now meaning I now need to go to bed.

I've asked if it can't be tomorrow evening, apparently not.

So either I have to go to bed (no tv or anything upstairs) or be woken at the crack of dawn. Aibu to expect him to postpone his cycle?

I don't have time to be sporty anymore and I don't have time for my other interests that I rarely get to indulge in these days either.

I do need to address that though and it will come at huge compromise to him. That's a conversation I'll be having tomorrow.

Tbh he sounds selfish, definitely have a chat tomorrow

I think alot of people voted YABU before they saw there were kids in the equation.

For me - with no kids in the equation, having to leave the sitting room early for once, or even being woken up to an alarm with the chance to go back to sleep, doesn’t sound too awful. In that circumstance, why should he pop out early for some exercise before work?

With kids - I can just picture how much that film and glass of wine must have meant to you, and been looked forward to. That bit of time at the end of the day to finally do ad you like. Equally, the 6 am alarm takes on a different complexion when you are going to be woken by kids not that long after, and you’re then on call for them all day (however lovely they are!).

Yes, we all have phones so can go up to our rooms and play or watch the end of the film on our phones.

But you being “off” isn’t the same “off” if you’re with the kids!

So between running and football, it sounds like he’s off out doing his thing for a good few hours almost every single day? While you haven’t got time to do anything you want to do, because you’re either working or picking up his share at home? And now the saucy fucker wants to ruin your one chance for a glass of wine and a film, followed by a lay in until 8am?

Yeah, fuck that for a game of soldiers. That really does warrant some rage. And it won’t be a compromise on his part. 50% of the load is the minimum contribution from a spouse unless there are significant mitigating circumstances, and compromise starts at the 50% point. Anything else is just not good enough.

6 am is the crack of dawn and it is that early.

There’s always one on these threads who say it’s not that early, even if you say 1 am.

Of course it’s silly o’clock on anyone’s day off!

Anything before 9 on a day off is not on (I have teens so not an issue for me)

I’m assuming your kids are younger from your posts, and then getting up at 8, which is the context in which I was talking about the kids v not kids difference.

My eldest got up at 11.30 today, didn’t bother talking to her younger brother who had been up a little while, and assumed I was still asleep! She was surprised when I walked in the door at 12.15 from a run 😂

This is just by way of saying - it gets really
good when they are older!

I've been blessed with sleepers, one teen who will sleep all morning most of the time, and a 10 year old who sleeps until around 9 sometimes later during the holidays. I'll be awake naturally about 8 at the latest.

I think what I meant was 6am isn't early if you're working etc but I'm not tomorrow so I don't want to be woken at that time.

The kids are not the issue. It's definitely the husband in this scenario

Wtf are people on about. 6am is practically the middle of the night

he is unreasonable to hit snooze after agreeing he won’t, shows he doesn’t take your sleep seriously which is context for your frustration. You have every right to be annoyed. Curses on him

I wasn’t thinking the kids were the problem - just that it puts a different spin on the reasonableness/ unreasonableness of the husband!

But I agree that hitting snooze when he’s said he won’t is very unreasonable! Also it does sound like he had a horrible tone with his “either you get out of the room now or I’ll wake you at 6”

Especially as he then didn’t actually go straight to sleep!

It quite literally is at the moment...

I think the fact he offered to sleep on the couch is a great compromise!

Me too and shows someone who recognises that that there hobby is going to impact their partner’s lie in. So will such up a night on the sofa as a compromise.

Sadly, the Op didn’t seem to recognise that.

So what did you do @LittleOddSock ?

because it looks like you spent the night mumsnetting which you could have easily done in your bedroom

Well, many of us don’t agree that the husband is entirely “the issue” in this scenario

Yes despite how thread has progressed, I still can’t see why him offering to sleep on the sofa to avoid disturbing OP’s sleep makes him such a selfish twat!

Added to which… the op just spent the night bitching on mumsnet anyway… she could have done that anywhere!

You could read my updates where it's clear what I did. Not that it made a difference. The door slamming at 6.20am had me awake anyway.

I think this specific scenario is fair enough, but in the bigger picture you eventually explained, it’s not a great setup for you. Has it always been like this? You have a teenager and a 10 year old so that’s years and years of parenting together - has he always been this disengaged? If so, it’s unlikely to change - so that’s a decision for you for if this relationship is good in other ways. But luckily you have older kids now so there’s really no need for you to get up with them in the morning - unless there’s a reason it would be difficult, they can easily get themselves organised and out the door. Doesn’t excuse your useless husband, but it solves a different problem.

You really don’t like your husband do you?

Goodness what a ghastly man.

Offering to sleep on the sofa.
Taking the dogs out for their final wee whilst you’re in bed.

Ghastly

Mauve I'm just going to ignore your posts from now as you have an axe to grind with someone and it's isn't me.