Aibu?

[LittleOddSock]

Fully prepared to be told IAMBU but just looking for a sense check.

I don't sleep that great, husband wants to go cycling tomorrow morning and it's my day off. This will mean a 6am alarm and I'm very unlikely to get back to sleep after. I've asked him not to and his suggestion is he sleeps on the couch but wants to go to sleep now meaning I now need to go to bed.

I've asked if it can't be tomorrow evening, apparently not.

So either I have to go to bed (no tv or anything upstairs) or be woken at the crack of dawn. Aibu to expect him to postpone his cycle?

It feels like a lot of compromise. Not just one night.

He's also still awake as he's only just put the dogs out for their last wee (directly beneath my bedroom window) so I could have quite easily finished my film.

I don't think its the alarm that's bothering you. From your other posts, it seems he is out a lot. Do you feel he is doing his fair share of parenting? Or do you feel neglected and taken forgranted in an emotional way, by him not making time for you as a partner? These are bigger conversations you should definitely have with him, and the sofa sleeping is just the straw that broke the camels back.

It’s a lose lose situation for OP. He gets the TV for as long as he wants it, sleeps all night and then goes for his morning cycle. She can either choose to be disturbed in the morning or banished from the sitting room the night before. He gets his cake and eats it.

I actually don't mind him being out. That's up to him, I don't mind dealing with the kids one bit. I only mentioned it as it wasn't like I could have fired the film on at 6pm. I'd had a busy evening and had literally been sat on my arse for all of 50 minutes when I was told it's either bed or up at 6am.

I could be bitch and kick off about the amount of time he spends on his hobbies but I don't because I'm ok with it for the most part. But it does feel like I'm the one that compromises my free time for his and there is something niggling at me tonight about it. I guess it doesn't feel very fair when I'm quite accommodating but when I've asked for one thing tonight I was given a one or the other scenario.

That isn't compromise to me, that's a, I'm doing what I want to do and you pick the least of the two shitty options for you right now to accommodate that. Either be disturbed in your evening or be disturbed in the morning.

It wouldn't kill him to go out tomorrow night instead.

I agree with you. I think this is monumentally selfish of him, and I'm surprised so many replies think this is OK. As for those saying 6am isn't early - of course it is.

I get it!

Ask him to buy you a large screen iPad or even better still a SmartTV for your room and he can then sleep on the couch every night 😂

A - 6 am isnt early

B - just cos hes away to bed, why do you have to follow?

And C - if you feel your sleep is going to be so fucked, eb=ven though sitting up drinking wine is ok, why cant you sleep on the sofa/ spare room?

You are married, not joined at the hip. Whilst I type this, DH has been sleep best part of an hour and won't wake before 7am. I get to sleep around 1 or 2 am and am up at 5 . We dont have the same needs sleep wise

I suggest you re-read the original post and the subsequent replies as you clearly haven't

I changed my vote to yanbu. I think that if it wasn’t that often and he’d gone straight to sleep, then he’d have a point. But instead, he’s had the tv to himself while you’ve been sent off to bed before you’re ready.

I suspect this isn’t going to be the last time this scenario occurs so you know now that next time, he gets told to sod right off. You are not going to bed at 9pm only for him to stay awake for another couple of hours and you are not going to be woken up at some ridiculous hour because he can’t operate a vibrating alarm. So he has choices; he either saves up and books himself into a hotel overnight so he can go to bed and get up whenever the fancy takes him, or he can put an eye mask on and ear plugs in and go to sleep while you finish your film in the armchair, or he can bloody wait until 8am when everyone else gets up normally and go cycling then.

Relationships are give and take and to paraphrase the lyrical genius that was the late, great, would have been Mr Pies if only I hadn’t been eleven and he hadn’t been gay, George Michael, he’s shown you he can take and he’s now got some giving to do.

What's all this '6am isn't early' nonsense? Surely for most people 6am on a day off with no plans that involve an early start, is early.

As someone who sleeps terribly, I'd also be annoyed at being woken at 6.

Totally agree with you - I hadn't

A - it sodding is if you’re knackered and you don’t have to be up until 8am

B - RTFT

C - RTFT

That’s lovely for you. Completely irrelevant to absolutely anything the OP has said, but good for you.

And I took so long typing, I crossed posts with you!

He sounds like a selfish arse!

He'd definitely be up at 6 on his next day off!

What an extremely selfish twat.
Shit husband and shit father, never around.

Thanks 💛 was feeling a bit shit after the first lot of replies tbh.

he has offered a compromise. You won't always want exactly the same things so compromise is the way to go.

I also offered compromise, go in the evening. That wasn't an acceptable one though

Im just so sad that you felt so enraged to spend all that time showing your rage to someone who admits they didnt read the thread

You know, some read the op and think - that's so fucking weird to get hung up on - so they just offer up their own experiences

Doesnt mean my response was "wrong, out of order, crap, whatever". Just didnt fit the narrative

Oh, Suki….. 😞

I think sometimes people get a little frustrated when others don't read the thread or the op's posts. An opinion is an opinion but wilf didn't show any more "rage" than your original post which was snarky at best albeit (and I accept) without the context of subsequent posts.

Then keep negotiating until you both are reasonably happy. That's what living together means, especially when you want different lifestyles in some ways. He sounds much more sporty than you. But maybe the real problem is that he's not spending enough time with you?

At 9.30pm I'm not up for a prolonged negotiation. I wanted 45 minutes to watch the end of my film. If it was going to take 45 minutes to get there... No thank you.

Maybe he gets to call the shots too often.

Rage? That wasn’t even an eye roll. Why would I be enraged by someone I don’t know, who said something silly that had no impact on me whatsoever?

Doesnt mean my response was "wrong, out of order, crap, whatever". Just didnt fit the narrative You didn’t read my post either, did you? Because I said precisely none of those things you’ve put in quotation marks.