To tell her or not

[Springawakening543]

I found something out about someone that I thought was a throughly charming, life sorted, wife to be pregnant a few years younger than him, well he has been having a relationship with someone else.

The OW has stepped away but not before saying he needs to work out who he wants.

Does his partner need to know that he has been sleeping with someone behind her back, just to get herself tested for her and her unborn babies health.

AIBU telling her or just keep what I know to myself.

Tell her. I would want to know if it was me. She might need to get tested. A lot of STIs don't really announce themselves but can cause infertility.

Who are you in relation to them? A random neighbour or are you the other woman?

I would tell her what I am aware of, including names, but do it being aware she may not believe me, may be angry with me or may blame me.

I am definitely not the OW, I work with the OW and man but know of his partner, met her on a few occasions I think the partner is only about 9 weeks pregnant.

If you’re going to tell her openly, letting her know exactly who you are in all this and how and why you know and have evidence then yes. If you were planning a weasely anonymous “I know your partner has been cheating on you” message which is likely to leave her second guessing whether it’s true or if somebody malicious in her or his life is just having cruel fun with her, then no.

I would only say something if I had indisputable proof.

I would like very much to know on her place, tell her

It depends. How well do you know them? How certain are you he's cheated? Do you have proof?

I could blow up a whole family with what I know, it feels like I can’t do right for doing wrong in a situation like this.

She has a right to know. Could you confront the husband? He should be the one telling her.

100% know as I walked in on them in the office kitchen having the conversation.

I'd not meddle in other people's business.

No . Definitely telling her is the right thing to do. What she does with the information is down to her.

Been in this situation myself, I didn’t want to get involved and as much as I’d want to know if it was me, I didn’t feel it was my place, it’ll come out, the OW will be upset amongst a million other feelings if she isn’t chosen and will probably tell the wife anyway, if she chooses OW, the wife will know.
it never ends well and rarely stays secret for long. What a tangled web some people weave!

You aren't blowing up the family.
He blew up his relationship.

I'd tell her, give her the opportunity not to have a baby with this wanker,& either way get tested for STI, but I'd be prepared to tell her in person (not anonymously, that's shitty) & deal with the fall out at work.

i bet he had told the OW him & his wife don't have a sexual relationship, immaculate conception?!

I think you should tell her, the sooner the better. It may blow her life up but she deserves to know she's not living the life she thinks she is. Does the husband or OW know that you know? I'm worried it might be difficult for you at work if it's obvious you have told her.

How many OW actually tell the wife though?

I am so conflicted and wish I never had never been told this.

I am 100% sure walked in on them in the work kitchen I heard her say I am not going to be the OW anymore you decide and she walked out in floods of tears. He walked past and said do not say anything to anyone.
OW has gone home she is 30 and a lot more junior than him.

Have you actually been told by one of the involved parties? Or just overheard a conversation in the office kitchen?

I completely understand the desire to tell her and I don’t think it would be unreasonable for you to do so, if you have incontrovertible proof. That said, I personally wouldn’t get involved, particularly if they’re work colleagues.

I was in a similar situation five years ago. Knew both parties. Spoke to a close friend and she advised me strongly not to say a word to the wife ( who I also knew ). I kept quiet for a week and then one day thought wot if it was me ! Wot if I was the wife and surely it would hurt even more to know others knew and I didn’t so I told the wife. Initially it did back fire a bit as the wife was really rude to me. However a month or so later she turned up at my door thanking me with a huge bunch of flowers. Said others knew and no one told her. She was very grateful. So if it was me I would. I think for me the worse part is others knowing before me.

I'd send her a typed letter. No name. Just telling her that he has been in a relationship with a colleague and that everybody knows in the office.

It's up to her then if she chooses to get tested etc.

he's going to deny it, obviously.

If it's a large workplace with many people then you have safety in numbers. I'm sure some of the men may have gone home and told their wives about the office scandal, too.

If it's a handful of you then that's more difficult.

She does deserve to know, though.

I’d keep out of it. It’s up to them to sort it out. Not my circus, not my monkeys. The fact he knows you know might prompt him to tell his wife.

And THAT's why he's panicking! Wouldn't look good for him at work, would it?!

He probably doesn't want her, he wants to have his cake and eat it, the dirty old bastard.